Page 186 of Seasons of Love
He comes around the table and turns me so I’m facing him. He sits on my lap and tilts my head up.
“What if I want to feed you and make sure you’re eating properly when you’re working so hard outside?”
“I can look after myself.”
His brows narrow. “I know you can, but I like looking after you too. What’s up, baby?”
I lean my forehead against his chest.
“I haven’t heard anything from Gloria since she sent all those toys. I don’t know if that means she’s out of our lives, which would be sad because I think it would be great for Sara to have a grandmother, or if I should be scared that she’s gone away to start proceedings to take her away from me.”
Plus all the other stuff about us.
“You have her phone number, right? Why don’t you call her?”
“Because I’m too scared of what she might say. It’s a little weird, right? She seemed nice, but instead of visiting like she wanted, she got someone to drop off all those gifts for Sara, and it’s been radio silence since.”
He doesn’t need to say it. It’s all over his face. He’s worried too because he also thinks this isn’t normal behavior.
“She also just found out she never got to say goodbye to her only daughter. Maybe she’s grieving,” he says.
“Or maybe she’s realizing that Sara can replace the daughter she lost.”
“Shh,” he says, resting his forehead against mine. “There’s little point in worrying before you need to. Eat something, and then maybe we can go for a drive out of town. Stop somewhere for dinner. What do you say?”
“Okay…that sounds like a good idea. Thank you.”
He kisses me gently and then gets up to go back to his chair.
See, Milo? You’re going on another date. Stop being stupid and needy.
After I eat, I finish planting the rest of the flowers, which doesn’t take long, and then I grab a shower while Ellis feeds Sara lunch.
I avoid thinking about how domestic it all feels. Ellis no longer needs to ask me questions about Sara’s food or how she alternates solids with her formula. He knows what to do from the moment we arrive in the morning. He’s the one that puts her stuff away, makes sure she drinks some water, plays with her, reads her books, and knows when to feed her without asking if it’s time.
We get in his car, and I focus on the outside landscape. Ever since I sold my car to pay for Sienna’s funeral, I haven’t left town much. I forget how beautiful everything around Stillwater is, not just the lake area.
“Have you thought about what you want to do after you get your GED?” Ellis asks.
We haven’t talked much about my exams. I’m starting to get a little anxious about them because there are so many distractions. Thinking about what comes after feels so far away when all I can think about is Sara, Gloria, and what happens when my only source of income is the three days at the store.
“Not much. After what happened with Jimmy, I doubt I’ll ever get a promotion or a better job at the store. Gerald offered me a night-shift job, but I declined because I can’t leave Sara with Florrie every night, and I doubt he’ll ever give me the job if I go back on my word. Right now, the GED feels pretty redundant.”
He turns onto a small road, and I see a metal gate that reads: Knox Farm.
“I thought you might want to show Sara the lavender fields. I looked up their website. There’s also a large garden we can walk around and a kids’ play area.”
“She’s a little too young for that, isn’t she?” I look to the car seat in the back, and Sara’s fallen asleep with the car's motion.
“Oh no, that’s for me,” he says, and I give him a playful punch on the arm.
We park and carefully transfer the sleeping baby from the car seat to the stroller.
The lavender fields are even more beautiful up close, with their bright-purple color and neat rows.
“I thought you might like it here,” Ellis says.
“It’s…I have no words. It’s so calm.”
