Page 184 of Seasons of Love
“Are you sure?” I ask, still afraid to believe this can be true. “In a few years, I’ll be in my fifties, and you’ll still be in the prime of your life. I don’t want to drag you down, Milo. I want you to experience life and everything you deserve.”
He looks at me and frowns. “Do you think I don’t deserve you?”
“I think you deserve better.”
Milo shakes his head. “Ellis, you are my better. No one else will ever match up to you or how I feel about you. If you’ve changed your mind about us, that’s one thing, but if you love me like you say you do, then let me love you back.”
“I do. More than I ever thought I would love someone again.”
His lips meet mine with passion and love that cannot be denied. Because it was always bound to happen and because it’s hopeless to fight it.
Sara giggles and lets out a few squeaks.
“Not until you’re twenty-five,” we say simultaneously. We laugh, and she claps her hands.
Milo turns to me. “I don’t know how to bring this up because I don’t believe one word of it, but I feel that you should know.”
“Know what?”
“Someone I work with, who, by the way, got the best punch in the face from a girl today, said something about you and the reason you left Boston and moved here.”
I frown. “How would he know? Only my family knows.”
Milo shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe he overheard Alice? Probably he made it up. Hold on, you’re saying only your family knows, so Jimmy was right…there is something.”
I hold his hand. “I spoke to Alice about it earlier because I want to tell you. It may explain some of my insecurities or strange behavior.”
“Ellis, I already loved you before I knew there was anything else to know. Nothing you tell me will change that. Unless you bring up the age gap again. I’ll have you know I’m one punching opportunity short today, so I might take it on you.”
I laugh. “I know. You’re an incredible man, Milo. I know you wouldn’t lie, and I believe you when you say you love me, but I don’t want any secrets between us, and if anyone starts any rumors, then I want you to be the first to know the truth.”
“Okay.”
“I was in a long-term relationship with another teacher at the school I worked with in Boston. We didn’t live together, but we talked a lot about moving in. We basically had two sets of everything in each other’s apartments. I’ve always wanted to be a father, so I discussed it with him, and he seemed happy to start a family too. We moved in together and started looking at surrogacy options. The first two attempts using my sperm didn’t work. We used a considerable amount of my savings, and after two years, we were exhausted, losing hope, and it started affecting our relationship. We even had counseling to talk about it and work through it together.
“One day, he said his best friend was willing to carry a baby for us, but she would only do it with his sperm. At the time, we had some unexpected bills, so I couldn’t afford another round of IVF. He offered to pay for it since they were using his sperm.
“He never wanted me to go to any appointments with him, which was disappointing because I felt like I was missing out on part of the process, but I didn’t say anything because I felt like our relationship was getting back to how it used to be before.
“About a month later, we got the news that his friend was pregnant. We were so happy. The first scan was okay, and then we found out we were having a boy. We picked names and talked about what school he would go to. I’d never been so happy. Then, when she was six months pregnant, she started acting weird. She’d be really clingy with him and talk about the baby as if it was theirs and not mine.
“One day, she came over before my ex was home from work, and I mentioned to her that we needed to deal with the adoption paperwork. She looked at me like I’d grown a second head. Then she told me they’d conceived the baby the normal way. Basically, they had sex.”
“Wait, your ex is bi? Did you know?”
“No, I didn’t know. And his best friend wasn’t just his best friend. She was his ex. She used the opportunity to get closer to him. It worked. Before she was due to give birth, he broke up with me and said they were going to raise the child as their own since they were the biological parents.”
Milo holds on to me. “You lost your baby.”
“Yes. Word got out at the school about what happened. Some people were supportive, but then the word spread to the parents, and there were complaints.”
“What reason did the parents have to complain? That was your private life.”
“Our conduct. How we couldn’t be trusted with their kids if we weren’t responsible adults. No homophobia, just misinformation about who did what to whom. In the end, my ex said I should quit and find a job in another school. Even though he was younger than me by a few years, he held a more senior position. I had no choice. So that’s when I moved to Stillwater to start fresh.”
Milo looks into my eyes and says, “I was wrong. What you told me changes something.”
My heart sinks, and I brace myself for the worse.
