Page 140 of Seasons of Love
“Yes, yes, I remember. I just don’t want to relive it.”
“Fair enough.”
He takes a swig of his beer.
The night is warm, and there’s no breeze. It’s like the world is still. Not even the leaves on Main Street move an inch.
“Hey, sorry about Fletcher teasing you last time about Milo. He can be like a dog with a bone sometimes and doesn’t know when to quit.”
I cross my legs and balance the bottle on my knee. “Yeah, I know. It’s fine. He’s not entirely wrong.”
“Wait…he’s not?”
“No, of course not. I mean, he’s such an amazing guy, but he’s still so—”
Harrison puts his hand on my shaking leg and stares at me.
“If you’re going to end that with young, then stop right there. What does it matter if there’s an age gap between a couple? If you agree on the things that matter, what else is there to worry about?”
I sigh. “Yeah, I know you’re right, but it’s just that…I don’t know. I feel too much like a fool.”
Harrison looks at his watch. “Look, this stays between us. If you just want to talk about it, I can listen.”
“Thanks.”
“Do you actually have feelings for Milo?”
Do I? Feelings is such a loaded word. So heavy.
“I…ugh…I am definitely one hundred percent attracted to him. How can I not be? He’s so strong, sweet, kind, smart. He’s just…I don’t know. There’s just something about him that pulls me. But I have nothing to offer him. He’s raising a child on his own.” I run my hands through my hair. “Even if we ignore the age gap, he deserves more than what I can give him.”
"Is it the kid thing?" he asks.
"What? No. I love Sara. I just…I have some baggage I don’t think is fair to unload on Milo."
“Sometimes that’s not our choice to make, Ellis. If Milo has feelings for you, you can’t stop that from happening any more than you can stop your feelings from happening.”
“He doesn’t have feelings for me. Come on, let’s be real here.”
Harrison laughs. “Okay, let’s be real. Ellis, you’re a good-looking man. You’re the type that’ll only get better with age when the rest of us look like overgrown, old teenagers. But yeah, you’re hot.”
I stare at him.
“What? Just because I’m in love with Fletcher doesn’t mean I can’t find other people attractive. We compare notes.” He shrugs.
“God, please, save me from this,” I beg.
“Now, let’s look at what matters. What’s here”—he points to my head—“and what’s here.” He lays his hand on my chest. “You care about the kids you teach. When there was a challenge with the Spring Fair last year, you picked the most unlikely pair to run it. Thanks for that, by the way. I still owe you for pushing me toward Fletcher.”
“It wasn’t intentional. You just had less knowledge of the parent politics, so I knew you’d do a good job. Also, having more LGBTQ+ representation in the school mattered to me too.”
“See?” he says, opening his arms as if to prove a point. “You’re a good man. I can’t think of anything you couldn’t offer Milo.”
I take a deep breath. “It’s complicated. I don’t want to hurt Milo in the long run, even though I think I may already have.”
Harrison stares at me with disbelief, so I tell him what happened over the weekend, from our tense encounter outside the bathroom to the moment in Marnie’s room.
I skip the part where Milo and I talked about our dreams and the things that mattered to us because that’s too personal.
