Page 232 of Seasons of Love
"Did she know you're gay?"
"Yes, I'd told her when we were eighteen. Of course, I'd also told her I was still going to marry her."
Tiago laughed. "What did she say?"
"She said that if by the time we were both twenty-five if we hadn't found anyone, she would marry me. That day at the beach was the last happy day I remember from my old life."
"What do you mean?"
"I turned twenty-one a month later. I guess what happened at the beach got to me and I felt this need to explore my sexuality. Pride bar had been in the news as the new place for the gay community in Lisbon. I was curious and went there on my birthday." I let out a choked laugh as I remembered the moment I'd been approached by another guy. I hadn't been able to string two sentences together. Now I was sure that had been part of my appeal to him.
"My first kiss ever with a guy was caught by someone who knew my father. To this day, I still don't know who it is, not that it matters."
"What happened?"
"My father was waiting for me when I got home. I'd been on such a high from my experience that I didn't even find it strange that my dad was awake in the middle of the night. He took me out into the back garden and beat me with one of the wood planks he was saving to cut up for the fireplace. At some point, I must have blacked out because the next time I woke up, I was in the hospital.
"He was sitting next to the hospital bed. The look in his eyes scared me like nothing else had in my life. When the nurse came to see me, she mentioned something about the attackers, and I realized he'd lied to them. He'd said he found me on the street and that I'd been attacked.
"When she was gone, he turned to me and gave me a choice. He said he'd rather have a dead son than a gay one, but he drew the line at killing me himself.
"He told me to think about my mom, my brother, and his wife and baby, and then he was gone. I'd been so badly injured I'd had to stay in hospital for a few days. All the time I was hoping my brother would come to see me. He'd been my protector, my big brother who was always there for me. When he didn't come, I left the hospital. I never went back and haven't seen anyone for nearly thirty years."
Remembering the past churned back all the hurt. If it wasn't for Tiago's weight on me keeping me grounded, I was sure I'd be retching in the bathroom already. I felt wetness on my hands and realized Tiago was crying silent tears.
I turned him to me and held him tight. "Don't cry for me. It's all in the past, and I've had a happy life since. I wouldn't have met Dri otherwise, and I can't imagine what my life would have been like without him."
"When did you draw the picture?"
"Dri asked me to draw a good memory from my old life so I wouldn't forget where I came from and the people I loved."
"Vítor?"
"Yes, baby?"
"Will you come to bed with me?"
"Absolutely."
14
TIAGO
I was disappointed when I opened my eyes to see the other side of the bed was empty, even more so when I realized the sheets were cold. That could only mean that while Vítor had come to bed with me last night and comfortably fallen asleep with me in his arms, maybe he was still not entirely comfortable being with another man in the house his husband had built for them.
The shower gave me a chance to think about everything Vítor had shared with me last night. When I'd seen the drawing by the door, I'd known straightaway Vítor, my Vítor, was Mário's brother. What were the fucking chances?
When Vítor had excused himself to the bathroom after we'd arrived, I'd quickly taken out the photo David had given me and compared it to the hand-drawn picture on the wall. There was no doubt about who he was, and then he'd confirmed it by identifying everyone in the picture.
What the fuck was I going to do now? I'd been asked to find him, and now I had. I should be on the phone to David right now to say that I'd found Vítor, but everything was much more complex now. While I knew Mário wanted to find Vítor, I wasn't sure the feeling was mutual. Despite the pain I'd heard in Vítor's voice last night, what if he didn't want to revisit the past and meet his family?
I knew it wasn't my decision to make, so I would have to come clean with him and give him the option, except I was too afraid of opening that Pandora's box and risking losing both Vítor and the friends who were the only family I had.
My thoughts were interrupted by strong arms that wrapped around me from behind.
"Breakfast and lunch are ready," he said, planting a kiss on the back of my neck.
"Jumping into my shower naked is not the way to get me out of it."
