Page 118 of Seasons of Love
The way he’s gazing into my eyes, it’s as if he knows my secret.
Oh my god, he knows I’m attracted to him.
Sara cries from the living room, breaking the spell between us, and his hand is gone.
I go over to the living room and know immediately what’s happened. Ah, the lovely smell of baby poop.
“Ellis, I’m sorry. Could I use your bathroom to change her diaper?”
“Of course, it’s through that door. The main bathroom has a surface big enough. Do you need anything?”
“No, I’m good.”
As soon as I close the door behind us and take her clothes off, my heart resumes its normal tempo.
“Thank you, baby girl, for saving me from whatever that was,” I say to her. “Embarrassment. That’s what it was. If you were older, I’d give you ice cream or something. Even if Florrie disapproves. But since you’re not, I’ll just give you extra raspberries in your tummy and some cuddles later. Ew, girl, those raspberries will have to wait until you’ve had your bath.”
She giggles like she’s proud of the sheer amount of poop she’s made.
With nine months of practice, I’ve changed her diaper so many times that we’re done within a few minutes, but I need longer before I can face Ellis. I stand her on the bathroom counter and make her face the mirror.
“What do we do with ourselves, princess? Keep dreaming? Or come back down to reality and accept the hand that life has dealt us?”
She repeats the dada sounds she’s been making recently, and I stare at both of us in the mirror. “I wish your dada was here too, baby.”
When I can no longer hide in the bathroom, I come out with a chatty Sara, who refuses to get back in the stroller, so I hold her as Ellis and I discuss the work in the backyard.
“There’s an access gate on the side of the house. This is the key,” he says. “I know you work at the store, so you can work around that. I’m in no rush, and apart from unwanted visits from my siblings when they want free food or to annoy me, I don’t have any other visitors, so you can come on the weekend too.”
Sara bounces in my arms. I need to ask the most important question, so I steel myself for the make-or-break answer.
“My main issue is childcare. My neighbor, Florrie, isn’t always available. That’s why I liked your advertisement. I was wondering if you’d be okay if I brought Sara with me. She’d just be in the stroller, and if I feed her, she usually sleeps for a couple of hours. Not even a hurricane will wake her up.”
“Of course.”
Ellis stands and starts opening and closing drawers.
“Found it. I knew I had it here somewhere.”
I’m not sure what he means.
He places another key next to the gate key.
“This key opens the back door. Feel free to bring Sara any time, but please don’t leave her outside. I’d feel awful knowing she’s out in the heat. Bring her inside. You can use the bathroom to change her, the microwave if you need to heat up her bottle, or you can get water.”
A lump is forming in my throat, and I need to not say anything right now because I will cry.
Ellis holds his arms out, and Sara stretches hers, so I pass her to him.
“Of course, that’s if you come and I’m not here. With the summer break, I’m home most of the time, and I’m more than happy to keep an eye on her.”
I look up at the sky, well, the ceiling, and curse my mother for passing her super-sensitive and emotional genes on to me because I simultaneously want to cry and also run.
If Ellis Bradford keeps being nice to me, I can’t be held accountable for what my hopelessly romantic heart will want. And that is not a good thing.
Not a good thing at all.
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