Page 52 of Malice and Surrender
I’d paced the school yard until dark, and when I got home, Kai was already gone. Crawling into bed, I tried to sleep and told myself that I would catch him in the morning, but with each minute that ticked on the clock, my anxiety grew until I wanted to throw up. I wanted to see him—no, I had to see him. He was my friend, but I’d been secretly crushing on Kai from the moment he showed up at the Collins house.
I’d seen too many dead people in my short time alive. I’d stared into my parents’ unseeing eyes and known they were dead. I didn’t really know what to call it other than with the angels. Were there really angels, though? I didn’t know anymore. I certainly didn’t think so.
I’d also watched a man choke on his own puke and another suffocate to death while others convulsed on the floor. It was confusing at the age of six. I was unsure what was going on, but scared out of my mind. I didn’t want to get anyone in trouble, but maybe if I hadn’t cared about that, my parents or even one of their friends would still be alive today. I couldn’t be expected to save them, yet their deaths weighed on my mind.
I glanced at the scar on my hand, the white line across my palm where I’d cut myself on glass that night. It was a constant reminder that my parents didn’t give a fuck about me. The police came to the shitty little apartment, and I was hauled away.
I’d stared out the window for days, hoping that it was all dream and my parents would come for me. Like a television show where they showed up at the house, and we would run to one another and hug. The television lied, books lied, and people lied.
All but one. Kai told me the truth, no matter what I asked. He’d never treated me like a kid, and it seemed like, overnight, I couldn’t help thinking about what would happen if I snuck into his room. Would he hold me all night? Would we talk and laugh as we tried not to get caught? I snuck in once and claimed that I had a terrible dream, but Kai said we couldn’t stay in his room, and we ended up sitting outside. It was still nice, and he hadn’t yelled or told me to fuck off, but I realized he didn’t see me as anything more than a friend and foster sister.
At least, that was what I thought until earlier tonight. That kiss had been made for books. I could still feel the warmth against my lips and the sweet taste of the icing on my tongue from Kai’s cake. The way his hand touched my cheek and the scent of his body wash had made me lightheaded. My heart had jumped around inside my chest like an animal looking to escape, and the feelings that came over me had me bolting for the door.
I pulled my hood down lower and stuffed my hands in my pockets to make myself look intimidating. That was not easy to do. At five feet four inches, I wasn’t tall and was slim in all the wrong places. My pants drooped on my hips, and I had very little in the way of boobs. At fifteen, I looked more like a boy, except for my long hair.
Some guys stumbled past and laughed as they talked about the fight where they’d just won money. The strong scent of beer and cigarettes made my nose curl. I had to be close. Daring to lift my head from watching my sneakers, I looked around for anything that would give away where the street fights were. Across the road was another large group of people standing around outside a building. They were smoking and talking on phones or with each other, but not one of them looked like anyone I would want to ask for information.
Slipping into the alley, I watched the group and peeked up and down the street. The glass doors behind them opened, and loud shouting caught my attention. I watched as three men came out, pissed off. I had no idea what they were screaming about, but they were yelling at the massive guys dressed all in black blocking their way.
“They must be guards. That’s got to be the spot,” I mumbled.
My eyes traced up the front of the building, and a smile tugged at the corner of my mouth as I spotted the large eye with an ‘O’ and other fonts surrounding it. The paint job was faded, but it was definitely an eye, and Kai was always talking to the other guys who fought about the place being called the Oracle. While the argument continued and everyone was distracted, I ran across the street and slipped down the alley beside the building. I pulled on each door I came to, but they were all locked.
Walking around to the back of the building, I spotted one more door but only took a couple of steps when the door opened, and I darted behind the stacks of boxes and garbage cans.
“Fuck off, Joe. I’m tellin’ ya, and I’m not lying. I have the perfect match for your guy. Big money fight. The spectators will go crazy for the match-up. Yeah, I know. The kid’s name is Snake.”
Daring to peek, I lifted my eyes above the garbage, but the guy had walked in the other direction as he spoke. They were definitely talking about Kai. That was the name he made everyone but me call him. He tried to get me to call him that stupid name, but I wasn’t hearing it. I wasn’t calling him a reptile just because he thought it was cool.
Light shone out the crack in the door, and I realized this guy had left the door open a little. Taking the risk, I moved like a cat on a tightrope and ran to the stairs, then tiptoed up to the door as quickly as possible without giving myself away.
The door was open just enough that someone tiny like me could slip in. I ended up in a stairwell with two options…up or down. It wasn’t that loud in this back hallway, but I could feel the vibration from loud music through my feet and decided that I’d go down and quickly sprinted down the stairs, taking two at a time.
With my small size, blond hair, and always being light on my feet, Kai dubbed me Tink. I hated that he saw me as this cute little thing, but I would take him calling me that over never speaking to me again.
Reaching the bottom floor, I stared at the black door with the dents like someone had punched it hard a thousand times. Licking my lips, I slowly reached for the handle and pulled it open, only to be abused by the loud cheering and even louder rock music. I kept my hood firmly in place but stood up straight and tossed a bit of swagger into my walk, just like I saw the guys on my street do. It annoyed me how they would walk like they owned the road, but watching them strut around like a bunch of birds in a mating dance helped me now.
I moved through the crowd until I was positioned close enough to see who was fighting, and my heart soared and then sank when I realized it wasn’t Kai. I didn’t want him to fight, but did this mean he’d already fought, or was he next?
A hard bump from the guy beside me had me stepping sideways, and I glared at him out of the corner of my eye, but he didn’t notice me. My foot slipped a little, and when I looked down, I spotted a program under my foot. I picked it up and stared at the list of names that were supposed to fight tonight. There were no times.
Dammit.
My eyes lifted to the cage when the crowd erupted in loud applause. One guy was pressed up against the chain link cage while the other guy repeatedly punched him. I didn’t like watching this, and I couldn’t believe that Kai subjected himself to this just so he could pay for school. There had to be a better way.
A buzzer went off like a fire alarm, and the guy left standing in the cage threw his hands up and cheered. I guess he was the winner.
“Winner, The Void!” the man acting as the announcer called into the microphone he was holding, and I glanced down at the form to see that they were the second last fight, which meant that Kai was next. I was jostled to the side again as more people pushed into the already packed room.
Bang
I ducked at the sound. It took an extra second for everyone else to register the sound of the gun. In a blink, everyone turned to run away from the cage area. I was dragged along, and my chest hurt as the crowd pushed and shoved hard. A hand hit the side of my head, and the hood I’d kept in place slipped down, but I couldn’t worry about it as I tried to stay on my feet so that I wasn’t trampled.
Bang
The group that was practically carrying me with them was diverted, and we ended up running back the way we came. Slipping through the small cracks that the stinking, sweating bodies left, I managed to get to the wall and pressed myself against it as hard as I could. My heart was pounding so hard that I thought I might pass out, and my lip hurt. Touching my mouth, I realized that it was bleeding.
Bang, Bang
