Page 98 of Malice and Surrender
She sniffed and pulled tissues out from the pocket of the knit sweater she was wearing. “He has two kids with her, Jace. They’re eight and five. For more than eight years, he’s been lying to us, all of us. Lyle came over because I had him served with divorce papers, and that was when Chad walked in. Lyle was going to hit me, and Chad took the swing.” She wrung her hands. “I feel like such a fool. How often did I wonder why he didn’t have the right amount of money going into the bank for me to pay bills?” She put a hand over her eyes. “How was I so stupid? How did I not see what was happening?”
I pulled her into another hug and held her until she said she was tired and needed to lie down.
When eleven o’clock came around, and everyone was asleep, I flopped down on the couch with Alex by my side. He picked up my hand and kissed my knuckles.
“What the hell am I supposed to do, Alex?” I looked over at the one person who had never changed and had always been the calm rock in my turbulent mind. “Mom said she’s filed for divorce, and she wants me to go back to college, but how do I leave? I’m the man of the house now. Chad shouldn’t have to take on the responsibility. And what about bills?”
“I don’t know. Whether you decide to stay is not my call, but I think you need to do what will make everyone’s life easier. If that’s staying, see if you can get a temporary leave from the program. If your mom really doesn’t want you to stay and ruin your scholarship, you need to decide how much you want to push back. One thing I can say is that if you drop out now, you’ll never get the same ride, and if you got back, you could walk out of Duke with a six-figure job to help your family. Just things to consider, but I’m here no matter what you decide.”
Laying my head back on the couch, I sighed. “Why is this so difficult?”
“Because you want to do the right thing, but you’re not sure what that is.”
Alex kissed me, his lips soft and warm, and I hung onto him like he was the only thing keeping me afloat.
“Lie down and rest. You can figure it out tomorrow,” Alex said.
He gave my hand a gentle tug. I followed his lead and lay down on my side on the couch, facing him. Alex grabbed the blanket off the back and tossed it over us, and as he turned out the light, I shifted closer to the warmth of his body and the scent of the ocean that followed him around. Fuck, I missed that scent.
“Thank you,” I said softly.
I hated to be weak. Maybe it was because my dad took off when I was so young, or perhaps it was always me, but I never showed any weakness to anyone other than Alex. He held me without judgment or pity and always made me feel better.
Mom refused to let me stay. She was in hysterical tears when I said I thought I should drop out to help the family until we could figure something out. Ultimately, I decided to go because it was causing her more stress, and that was the last thing I wanted.
“I hate this. I know she said it’s what she wants, but why do I feel like such an asshole for leaving?” I growled and peeled my eyes away from the passing trees to look at Alex.
“Because you love your family.”
“I can’t even wrap my head around Lyle having another family. Mom blames herself, but I never had a clue that something was wrong. Was I the one that was blind?” Alex didn’t say anything. He knew I just needed to vent everything I had going on in my head. “Lyle taught me how to ride a bike and helped me fix up my first car. We barbequed together, and he came to all my games. What the hell was I not seeing?”
“He’s obviously a very good liar. You can’t put this on yourself. I didn’t see anything, and I was over all the time,” Alex said.
“I guess you’re right. What would that make him? A sociopath? A narcissist, maybe?” I turned my head to the scenery, and with each passing mile marker, I felt angrier about the entire situation. How dare he do this to my mom? He didn’t want to be a dad to me, then fine, but don’t hurt my mom. She didn’t deserve that.
We pulled off the interstate at the service station. “You mind pumping the gas? I’ll go in and prepay, but I need to take a piss, bad,” Alex said as we hopped out.
“Sure.”
“You want anything?”
“You know what I like. Just grab me something,” I said.
I stared off into space, listening to the sound of the cars zipping along the highway when Alex came back out.
“You good?” I asked, taking in his ashen face and wide-eyed expression. He looked like he was in shock. He didn’t say anything and climbed behind the wheel. Poking my head in the door, I stared at Alex. “Dude, what’s up?”
“Get in,” he ordered, his voice eerily calm and flat. He wouldn’t even look at me. “Get in, Jace,” he said again, completely freaked out.
I slipped into the passenger seat. I’d never seen him act like this before. He looked like he was in shock or frozen like a mannequin. I was worried something had happened inside the service station. Had someone done something to him? I’d fucking break their legs if they had.
“Okay, I’m in. Now tell me what the hell is going on,” I said as Alex pulled out of the lot and onto the overpass. I looked back at the exit he was supposed to take and frowned as he pulled onto the interstate, going back the way we’d just come. He still hadn’t said a word or looked over at me. “Dude, you’re freaking me the fuck out.”
He swallowed and didn’t look over but gripped the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles were white and his hands shook.
“Alex, look at me,” I said. He slowly turned his head, and it was like watching a horror movie where the person was possessed. “Answer me. What the fuck is going on?”
“Um…” I wanted to reach out and smack him out of it. “You, ah, need to open your phone.” His voice was shaking as much as his hands.
