Page 60 of Malice and Surrender
He leaned against the nightstand and crossed his arms. “The guy representing me told me that you pointed me out dead to rights in a lineup, and I could get twice as long if I didn’t take the deal.”
I covered my mouth, remembering the day he was talking about so clearly. He’d walked into the room with the two-way glass. I was in a wheelchair and didn’t want to but pointed at Kai. He looked confused and scared, like he didn’t know why he was there, yet I never saw that as a clue that it wasn’t him. All I remembered was the feel of him forcing me face down on that couch as he stole my soul, and all I saw was his tattooed hand holding mine in place. Inches from my eyes, it was burned into my memory. I stared at that bird and cried. The tears made my vision blurry, but I could see it clearly in my mind.
“Why did you lie? Why did you say it was me?” he growled, and I felt the anger building inside of him again. He filled the room with his presence. He always had, but now he didn’t just turn heads. I was sure people jumped out of the way when they saw him coming.
“I didn’t lie,” I said.
He moved so quickly I barely registered it until he had me by the jaw, his fingers once more digging into the sensitive skin. My heart rate tripled in time as he stared me in the eyes.
“It. Was. A. Lie,” he growled. “I never fucking touched you, and I will cut your fucking tongue out if you say it one more time.”
I swallowed hard as I tried to choose my words. “I didn’t think it was a lie.” His fingers softened. “I was raped, Kai. That wasn’t a lie.”
His brow knit together, and his hand dropped away from my jaw. With shaking hands, I moved the pillow and slowly opened the front of my ruined jeans. I pointed to the scars on my stomach and looked away to compose myself as more emotion bubbled to the surface.
“What the fuck?” Kai said.
I jumped like he’d electrocuted me when his finger touched my skin and traced the six distinct lines and the scar from surgery that would never fade. I was stuck with them as a reminder for the rest of my life. A warning that you were never safe and couldn’t trust anyone.
I couldn’t look at him as I spoke, or I would break down all over again, but I needed to get this out. “I went to the fights to see you. I was upset that I ran out after you kissed me. I had all this shit in my head, stupid teenage crap, but mostly I was upset that I realized you might like me, and I’d ruined it. I thought you only saw me as your foster sister, a kid.” I wiped the tears off my face. “I thought you were happy to go off to college and be rid of me. So I had to talk to you. Why it couldn’t wait till morning, I don’t know. I just needed to see you.”
I licked my lips and closed my eyes, hating having to relive this. “When I got there, I snuck in the back, and I’d only been there a few minutes when the shooting started, and everyone was running. I was crushed between bodies; there were so many people, but I managed to get to the stairs that led out. The man behind me had your tattoo. The flower with the bird.”
Kai finished tracing the last scar, and I couldn’t sit still. Rolling from the bed, I marched over to my closet, peeled off what was left of my clothes, and tossed them aside. Pulling on track pants and a sweatshirt, I knew that no amount of clothes would stop him, but at least I felt better. I needed a shower, but I had to finish this first.
Kai stared at me from the other side of the bed, but I couldn’t read the expression on his face. It was too dark, but it felt like his stare penetrated my soul.
Crossing my arms, I tentatively stepped out of the closet, but he said nothing. In fact, he was eerily quiet.
“When I got outside, I saw the man I thought was you running away from all the commotion. He had on a simple black hoodie like you always wore and was around your height, but it was dark, and I was alone and scared. All I could think about was getting to you, my safe person, so I chased after him. He turned down an alley, and when I went down it…” I stopped and pulled the thick sweatshirt tighter like that would keep all the terrible things that had already happened from happening again.
“There were three of them. They all wore hooded sweatshirts, so I never saw their faces clearly, but he had your tattoo and was where you said you would be. I…I’m sorry,” I said and covered my mouth, stifling the sob.
“What happened?” he asked, his voice as cold as his eyes. I looked at the bed.
“They put a black bag on my head, one of those ones you see in movies. I could sort of see, but not well, and they hit me until I passed out. I regained consciousness in some office. I don’t know where. I hurt everywhere, and my hands and ankles were tied. They…um…they took turns with me until…” I cleared my throat. “Until they couldn’t get it up anymore.” My body trembled, and I wanted to yell and scream and tell myself to stop it. Instead, I paced across my small bedroom.
“The one I thought was you held his hands in front of my face when he was holding me.” I stopped pacing to demonstrate what I meant. “My face was pressed down, and the only thing I could see the entire time was his right hand. When they were through, the leader did this.” I pointed to my stomach. “They had to do two surgeries to fix the damage. The doctor said he didn’t know how I survived and made it clear I probably should’ve bled out.” My eyes flicked up to his. “I didn’t want to live, though. He kept saying I was lucky. I didn’t feel lucky. I felt anything but lucky.” My eyes pleaded with him for forgiveness.
“Kai, I thought my best friend, the one person in this world I loved with my whole heart, did the unthinkable and left me for dead.” I gave up on trying to hold back the tears. It was impossible as they traveled in streams down my cheeks.
His face seemed just as fierce as I walked around the bed, but I didn’t feel the same explosive anger. Like a balloon letting out air, it had simply floated away. Reaching out, I took his hands and stared down at the tattoos that now lined them.
“If all this happened, why are you so certain it wasn’t me?”
I looked into his eyes and silently begged for forgiveness.
“Wrong hand,” I said, looking down at the back of his left hand and the tattoo. I tapped the bird and flower image that I’d never forget. “Wrong hand,” I said again and choked back a sob. “Wrong fucking hand,” I yelled and dropped to the floor. I screamed like I was possessed as I slammed my fist down on the old floorboards.
Looking up at Kai, I didn’t know what I expected to see, but that eyebrow lift and the contempt in his eyes was not it. My heart was breaking in two, and he seemed completely unaffected.
“So what you’re telling me is that you put me away for ten years based on a tattoo,” Kai said.
My mouth fell open, and I searched for the words to defend myself, but my mind was stuck in neutral and spinning its wheels.
“Kai I….”
He squatted down so he could stare me in the eye. I felt like we’d traveled back in time. The way he looked at me right now was the same look he gave me when I said something he considered stupid. I tried to turn away from that intense stare.
