Page 38 of Malice and Surrender
“Jace….”
“No, I’m not done. While I’m doing that, which you already know is supposed to be for another two years, you are back here playing house with Raine, and I get zoom calls. To make this worse, you already promised her, someone not even in our relationship, before speaking to me. You do see what an asshole move this is?”
When he said it, it sounded like I was being a selfish jerk. In my head, it hadn’t sounded the same way at all. Leaning back against the tile, I crossed my arms and stared down at his thigh, tattooed with our names in the intricate artwork.
“Fuck, I screwed up. I’m sorry.” I shook my head. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I can last another two years like this. It feels like getting stabbed every time you have to leave.”
“Is that what this whole thing with Raine is? If so, then just come with me. You don’t have to be in the spotlight, but we can spend every night together,” he said, reaching out and placing his hands on my shoulders.
“No, my feelings for Raine are real.” Taking a chance, I gripped his waist, and that fact he didn’t immediately jerk away from my touch gave me hope.
“You know I’ve dated, done the one-night stands, and all the other hollow, empty things we said we would do to experience life. I may sound like I’m being a selfish asshole, but I’ve never lied to you, and I’m not going to start now.”
Jace looked away, and panic pierced my heart. “I don’t know if I can do what you’re asking, and it really burns my ass that you made all these plans, like my opinion no longer matters to you. Like I don’t matter to you.” His voice broke like he might cry, and the sound gripped my heart. I never meant for him to feel like he didn’t matter.
“It wasn’t like that. I swear, Jace. I love you more now than I ever have, and of course, your opinion matters.” I took a deep breath. “I just sort of blurted it out when I was talking to her last night, and I couldn’t take it back. Now that I said it, I don’t know if I want to.” Placing my hand on his cheek, I forced him to look at me. “I shouldn’t have excluded you from any of these decisions. For that, I’m so, so sorry.”
“But you want things to change, right?”
I bit my lip and nodded.
“Fuck, Avro. I don’t want to promise you something I don’t know if I can keep,” Jace said, backing up to the other side of the shower stall. The water was cooling off and mirrored the chill running through my body.
“Are you saying I’m not worth it? You don’t want to be with just me or me and Raine?”
His eyes narrowed as his anger flared, and I felt it coming before Jace opened his mouth.
“Don’t you dare turn this around on me. You know I have no problem being exclusive. We’ve been exclusive before, and if you remember, we chose to have this open relationship together when I signed the contract to go on tour. Do you remember that conversation? The one where I spoke to you before making a decision,” he growled as he narrowed his eyes and clenched his teeth like he was chewing on glass.
He put his hands on his hips, and I knew what was coming. I’d set myself up for this. “In fact, I’m pretty fucking sure it was your idea to have an open relationship. You even set our timeline to settle down and find a third person after my contract ended. Is any of this ringing a bell?”
“Yeah,” I said.
There was nothing else to say. He was right. I was the one going back on the carefully thought-out rules and plans we had put in place so that we didn’t end up in an argument just like this.
But that was before Raine came into my life, back when I was supposed to travel just as much as he was. I talked to Jace as much as possible, but he was still only here two days a month. What the hell was that? It was nothing, a speck of time. I stayed in bed, staring at the ceiling, dreaming about his touch, and holding a pillow, wishing he was with me. It wasn’t his fault I’d found our third, but I hadn’t planned any of this. I didn’t know if you could plan when to fall in love with someone. Raine and my feelings for her had snuck up on me.
“Fuck.” Jace grabbed the soap bottle and scrubbed down like he was as pissed with the soap as he was with me.
I could only watch him. I knew if I tried to touch him while he was this angry, it would only escalate the situation. We’d been there before.
“Fuck.” He rinsed off and stepped out of the shower, pulling a towel from the pile. “Fuck!”
I lifted my eyes to look at him as he whirled around to face me. “I guess…see if Raine will come over again tonight, but Avro, what you’re asking is a fucking piece of shit move. I need to think.” He yanked on his clothes and left, the door slamming behind him. I slowly sank down against the wall.
Had I just ruined us for good? For nearly seventeen years, we’d been together in some form of relationship, and suddenly it felt like I couldn’t breathe. I loved Raine, and I loved Jace. What the hell have I done?
Kaivan
If I thought I was angry before, then I didn’t understand what real fury was until I watched Raine once more get into the black sedan after work and head in the opposite direction of her home.
I knew where they were going this time, and I wasn’t sitting around seething and doing nothing. Nope, this time, I was going to use this infuriating inconvenience. Pulling my bike out onto the street, I drove toward her small home. It was exactly three-thirty-three in the morning when I pulled onto the walking path that led to the park across from her house. The witching hour and I planned on doing a little dark magic myself.
Pushing the bike behind the overgrown shrubbery, I took the keys and chained the wheel to the fence. There were shady people around, and you could never be too safe. I smirked at my own joke. As long as someone wasn’t trolling with bolt cutters at this hour, my baby was as safe as she was going to get.
Pulling on my black hoodie, I stuffed my hands in my pockets and wandered up the street. I was just like everyone else around this spot, up to no good, but I didn’t want any trouble. Blending in was something I excelled at in prison. Once I learned the art of not being seen, it was game on. Every opportunity I got to prove that I could’ve escaped, killed someone, or even stole items without being seen, I did. I wanted to hone my skills and make sure that I could put them to good use when I got out.
That was the thing about prison. It didn’t really help to set anyone on the right path. It simply gave us more skills and contacts. By the time we got out, we were pissed off enough that we didn’t care if we ended up back inside. Besides, who the hell is hiring a guy fresh out of prison for rape? Not many, which is why meeting Mannix and him induct me into the MC had meant so much. I wouldn’t have had a pot to piss in if not for him.
