Page 221 of Malice and Surrender
“No, they’re almost here, go, now,” he whispered, his voice harsh.
I took off and ran along the hallway he told me to take and tried to ignore the pain in my body and the humiliation in my soul. Stripping, I stuffed the bloody jumpsuit into the garbage and got in the shower, not caring that the water was ice cold.
With my eyes closed, the icy water pelted me in the face, and I let the tears I’d been holding back fall. Death did cling to me, and no one was safe around me. Everything I touched was corrupted or died. The Devil had marked me at birth to live and breathe, walking among souls already lost. I felt it. I wanted to deny it, to push it away, but eventually, everyone turned on you or died.
“Do it!” My eyes snapped open, and Raine was screaming at me. I stared at the gun in my hand pressed to her chest.
“No.”
“Do it,” she screamed again as tears streamed down her beautiful face. “I’ve wasted so much of my life being scared. I can’t be that person again. So do it, ‘cause I’m done. My heart was ripped from my chest in that warehouse. You might as well destroy my soul too.”
I wanted to yell no, that I loved her, that I’d always loved her, but I stood there staring at her saying nothing, my mouth refusing to move. Each tear that slid down her cheek was like a knife to my chest.
“Do it,” she whispered.
Bang
Raine stumbled back, her hands going to her chest as blood poured from her and soaked the front of her hoodie. I looked at the gun and then back up to her scared eyes.
“You….” Raine collapsed, and I dropped the gun and grabbed her body before she hit the floor.
“No, no, no. This is not happening. Help her,” I yelled at Roach and the two other men in the room. “Why are you just standing there? Help her. Call 911, get me towels, do something.” I smoothed back Raine’s hair, her hand cool to the touch as I gripped it in mine. “No, Tink, please, it was an accident. I didn’t mean to. Please help her,” I pleaded again with those standing around, but still, no one moved. They just looked away.
“I love you, Tink. Please stay with me, don’t go, don’t leave me. Please, I’m sorry.” Tears poured down my cheeks, and the pain of her fading eyes ripped out my heart as if she were using her hand.
“I…love…you,” she said and then went still.
“No!” I wailed and gripped her lifeless body to my chest, rocking, unable to manage the pain.
“Please.”
“What are you crying for, boy?” Red and my father squatted beside me as I held Raine tighter.
“Go away,” I yelled at them.
“He still doesn’t get it,” my father told Red.
“Nope, he definitely doesn’t.”
“Get what?” Both sets of eyes turned in my direction.
“She was already dead, boy. The moment she met you, the reaper took her soul. Everything you touch is tainted. You’re a stain on this earth, and you killed her.”
“No, it’s not true,” I said, but everyone, including my mom, stood around nodding at me.
“Ah!” I screamed and grabbed the gun off the ground. I didn’t hesitate as I put the barrel in my mouth.
Bang
My eyes snapped open as I gasped for breath. I didn’t know where I was, but I grabbed for Raine, and she wasn’t there. There was enough light coming in the window that I recognized my room. I struggled to remember what happened, but all I could see was her fading eyes and the blood all over my hands. What had I done?
I hadn’t cried in years, but the tears streamed down my cheeks in relentless lines as I struggled to breathe against the growing pain in my chest. Grabbing the pillow she used when she slept here, I gripped it hard and buried my face in the fabric. I clung to it like I’d clung to her body as the sobs wracked me.
I heard the sound of boots and didn’t even care who saw me. My life wasn’t worth living if she was dead…if I took her life. I could still taste the metal of my gun in my mouth and would’ve reached for it if Roach hadn’t appeared and gripped my face in his hands.
“Let go…” I pushed at him, but he held me harder. “I killed her. I killed my heart,” I said, and he shook his head.
“No, you didn’t. Look at me, bro. Raine is okay.”
