Page 216 of Malice and Surrender
Stepping away from Avro, I began to pace, unable to sit still. “So, I take it Jace filled you in?”
“Yes, I’m sorry I blew up and didn’t listen last night. I think I’m part of the reason Kai is so agitated.” I turned to look at him, and he ran his hand through his hair. “We were both here watching the awards when the proposal happened. We were understandably shocked, hurt, and pissed. We stayed up all night talking and arguing, and then I had the blow-up phone call with Jace, and I think we fed off each other's anxiety. Not a great combo.”
“Shit,” I moaned. “I should’ve kept calling until he picked up.” I rubbed my face. This whole thinking about so many people at once was harder than it looked. I turned to Jace, who was staring out the window. “You’ve been awfully quiet. What are you thinking?”
“I don’t know. It’s been an intense forty-eight hours. I was threatened, I proposed, was almost killed in my sleep, and now this. I’m going to go play and hopefully pump out a new number-one song.” He faked a half-hearted smile. Jace was doing that closed-off thing, and I wanted to hit everyone and scream. I might still scream just because it would make me feel better.
Jace stopped walking when he reached me. “I’m sorry about Kai, I may not like him, but I don’t want to see him in a bad way either, you know?”
I nodded. “I know, and I know this will blow over when he understands why you did it and that we’re not just making plans without him.” Jace looked down to the ground and then back up into my eyes. The look gripped my heart and twisted. His face wasn’t covered with the arrogant mask, and the sadness laid bare was trying to break the last piece of my heart that was already fracturing.
“Technically, with Allen going to jail, we don’t have to get married or pretend to be engaged if you don’t want to. If this is going to cause a huge issue with Kai, then we can figure out a way to spin it,” he said.
“I wasn’t planning on backing out of the agreement we discussed last night. Is that what you want?”
Jace raised one cocky eyebrow. “You already know the answer to that question. I’ve told you how I feel and what I want. Once you decide, let me know.” Jace sauntered away, his hands stuffed in his pockets, and Avro and I were left staring at one another.
“What the fuck?” I resumed my pacing. “Why can’t things just be calm? I don’t understand why my life is like a hurricane. It goes out to sea, then comes back into shore to destroy everything, then swirls away only to do it all over again.”
Avro shrugged. “I don’t have any answers to that. I’m sorry, but I have an idea that might help ease the tension and get you out of the house while we wait to hear about Kai.”
“What’s that,” I asked as I walked past where he was leaning against the wall.
“Let’s go pack some of your things and bring them over. I know you still had reservations about moving in full-time, but—”
I held up my hand and cut Avro off. “No, let’s do it. I need the distraction, or I’m going to go crazy waiting to hear about Kai,” I said as the sound of the piano drifted down the stairs. “It seems we all need a distraction.”
Avro grabbed his keys, and although the drive to my house was quiet, it felt good to get out, and it felt even better to be around Avro, who’d always been the buoy in stormy waters I clung to.
Pulling up, I stared at my postage stamp house and knew this was the right decision. This place never felt like home. It was a pit-stop, a place to hover while I tried to get my shit together. So much had happened in a very short time, but I’d learned that I was stronger than I gave myself credit for. I was more adventurous than I ever thought, and I had enough love in my heart for three of the best people I’d ever met. I loved them all and would protect them fiercely.
Kai needed to be okay, and I would find a way to make him see that public engagement or not—he was my heart. I loved Avro and Jace, but I wouldn’t do anything without Kai involved in the decision. We were two souls destined and fused together long ago.
We walked into the small living room, and I quickly surveyed the furniture purchased at thrift stores or garage sales. None of it was anything I wanted to keep.
Avro’s fingers trailed down my arm as he passed, but before he could get far, I pulled on his hand and brought him to a halt. “Why didn’t you want to tell me about your surgery?”
Avro’s gaze went from shocked to annoyed. “Jace can’t keep his mouth shut.”
“Don’t get angry with him. He told me something you should’ve.” Avro ran his hand through his hair and looked away from my eyes. When he didn’t say anything, I knew I would have to poke at him. “Start by telling me how your appointment went yesterday?”
He shrugged and tugged my hand so we could sit down on the couch. “Surgery is set to happen in two weeks. I already took care of the paperwork yesterday to have you come back to Eclipse and explained that your family emergency was a false alarm.”
“That’s it, business as usual?” I curled up on the couch, leaning my elbow on the back as I stared at the side of his face.
“I just want everything to be ready, and I knew you’d want to head back to work. Look, I didn’t say anything because I hate talking about it. I’m going to be useless for months. Just a bum sitting around at home, feeling sorry for myself.” Avro rubbed at his eyes. “I know, it’s not true, but I won’t be able to do even the simplest things easily, things we all take for granted. Like how awkward it is to sit on a toilet and wipe your butt.” He smirked, making me smile. “Or doing laundry, making a meal, and taking a shower. Hell, even sex is a problem. I will be useless, and it’s a horrible feeling.”
Reaching out, I ran my hand through his soft hair. I really did love this raven color. It was so striking with his amber eyes. “Avro, you’re never useless. Would you ever think that of anyone else that you saw on crutches, in a wheelchair, or anything else for that matter?”
“No, of course not,” he said, his eyes had gone wide with the horrified expression.
“Then why are you placing these unrealistic expectations on yourself and thinking about yourself so negatively?” He pressed his face into my hand.
“I don’t know. I’m not a great patient, I guess. I prefer to look after people than be looked after, and with this, I’m going to need help, and I’m so scared to fall back into the dark depression I had before. It’s like this monster looming and waiting to strike when I’m at my weakest.”
I scooted closer to him, and he turned his head to look at me, so I stole the opportunity to kiss his way too-tempting lips. Avro was so tender and sweet with everything he did, and I knew that if Kai had found me years ago before Avro had helped me trust again, then I wouldn’t have been able to handle everything that happened since. Avro pushed me to find my strength and believe in myself. Breaking the kiss, I touched our foreheads together.
“That’s not going to happen. Things are different this time. Now that Jace is rid of Allen, he’s planning to be around more, and I’m here. You always let us lean on you, so it only seems fair that you lean on us. Besides, I’d look cute in an apron and nothing else.”
