Page 192 of Malice and Surrender
“Tell her. She’s not going to care. It’s not a big deal.”
“I will, I promise. But right now, I’m going to get up, do my stretches, and then make waffles for breakfast. I even got fresh cream to make whipped cream.”
“And now I’m picturing licking that off of you. Thanks for that,” Jace smirked before gently kissing me. He rolled over and stood to let me up, holding out his hand so I didn’t struggle. I tried not to think about being laid up from surgery all over again. It took a huge mental and physical toll last time. It was the reason I hadn’t told Raine. It was better not to think about it and put it out of my mind until I had a surgery date. “I’m going to sleep a bit longer while he’s still asleep.” Jace pointed his thumb at Kai, making me smile. Apparently, Jace didn’t trust Kai any more than I did.
Jace grabbed my hand as I turned to walk away. “You sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah, why?”
Sometimes I hated that he knew me so well. I was the overthinker, the worrier, and the one who stressed over everything from bills to what to eat. It was rare for someone to notice as I liked to keep that part of me buried. I was so depressed and worried after the last time I went under the knife that Jace had pretended to be sick for three weeks to come home from tour and help me feel like myself again. I didn’t want to go through it again.
I fought the depression every day, battling to get out of bed. I hated it so much. I was scared to end up in that same mental state. The worst was when I overheard someone say, ‘Just get over it.’ They didn’t get it. You didn’t just get over it. If they’d really suffered, they would understand that I chose not to let it keep me down, but the pull to hide in my room and never leave was there and poked at me as it taunted my mind every moment of the day. I’d felt like an addict, and the overwhelming sadness was my drug.
“It’s not going to be like last time,” Jace said as if able to pluck the fears from my mind.
“I know,” I said and squeezed his hand. “I’ll let you know when breakfast is ready.” I walked into the closet and threw on some comfortable clothes before I broke down and poured all my fears at Jace’s feet. I hated doing that. It felt like I did it all the time, and as many times as he said he didn’t mind, it still bothered me.
Walking down the stairs, I turned toward the workout room I’d set up. It wasn’t huge, but large enough for a couple of mats on the floor, a treadmill, and a universal weight machine. Jace liked his free weights, so we made space for a rack of those, and I had wall-to-wall mirrors installed. Grabbing a set of weights, I wandered over to the bench and sat them down to start my arm workout when the white scar on my knee caught my attention.
It seemed glaring to my eye against my tanned skin. I didn’t care about the imperfection. It was just another reminder that no matter how well you planned your life, shit always crept up and punched you in the face.
I couldn’t believe how nervous I was. Stopping at the large doors of the theatre, I stared at the posters that lined every door. They were all the same. An image of me flying through the air or posing for the camera. I still couldn’t believe I’d been chosen to be the headliner. It was my first big gig, and to be the star was crazy to me.
Reaching out, I touched the poster of the death-defying leap I’d practiced for months. I loved flying through the air. This particular show wanted to incorporate traditional circus trapeze, an acrobat routine, and unique dances, as well as the unusual acts of athleticism that a Cirque du Soleil performance was known for. The entire thing piqued my interest from day one.
It was more like a play, the story of a boy dreaming of working in a big top, but his family didn’t understand or support him. It followed the boy’s life from when he was young and the challenges along the road to following his dreams. It was as if the story had been designed for me. More than once during practice, I’d been moved to tears by the emotion the entire show evoked. I was so proud to open the show in two days, but I wished Jace could be here to see this.
He was, unfortunately, in Germany at his first massive venue. It was a sold-out show, so this was an important week for both of us. He promised we’d talk after, no matter how late it was.
Yanking open the door, I watched as everyone stretched and got warmed up for practice. The sessions were long and grueling, and I’d never been happier. Basketball was never really my thing. I played to do a sport, and Jace was good at it, so it gave us something to do together that our parents had approved of.
Now that my parents had disowned me for ‘daring to be bisexual,’ I was free to do what I wanted, and I did feel free. If I’d known that the weight that always hung around my neck would be lifted once they knew, I would’ve done it a lot sooner.
“Hey Avro, you’re going to be partnering with Julian today. Maurice is off sick, and we need him well-rested for opening night,” Coach yelled when he saw me.
I looked to where Julian was already on the large stage warming up. He was basically my understudy and knew the main parts of the show. He was nice enough, and we got along fine, but I always felt like he was jealous that I hadn’t ‘paid my dues’ in the industry to earn a headliner position.
I may not have been in the industry long, but I was a natural and trained every spare moment. I’d been training from the time I could walk and would practice everything I thought would help me improve my strength, flexibility, and skill. The best was when I talked Jace into doing parkour with me. He wasn’t a huge fan of heights, but within a month, I could scale a building. I knew then this was my calling. I wasn’t some sloth that had wandered in and got the job cause I knew a producer or something. Normally I was the first to arrive and the last to leave. I’d sit in my small apartment going over what I needed to do and when throughout the night. The only time I took a break was to speak to Jace and catch up.
“Okay, no problem,” I yelled and went backstage to get changed. Jogging out, I warmed up with everyone as I reviewed the opening sequence in my head.
“Hey, you good that I’m working with you today,” Julian asked as he stepped up beside me.
I gave him a smile that I hoped came off warm and genuine. “Yes, of course, you’re a fantastic partner. I’ve seen you working with everyone.”
“True, I am gifted,” Julian said and then chuckled, but I didn’t get the feeling he meant it as a joke.
“Alright, places, everyone. We are going to run through with lighting and sound all day. I want this to feel like the real thing,” Coach said.
By the time the first half of the performance was done, my uncertainty about working with Julian had eased. He was not only a great partner, but we were completely in sync with every movement, a perfect mirror of one another, and Coach was calling out how beautiful everything looked. I wondered if Maurice would have a spot to come back to.
My adrenaline spiked as I climbed the tall ladder to the top of the platform, where I would perform the trick that was being advertised all around Vegas. It was what was on the posters. The timing had to be perfect, or I would plunge to the stage below. There was a net lying on the floor that the audience couldn’t see. It had an emergency pull in it that if something went wrong, it would snap up and into position to catch me. The first test run to make sure it was working had been terrifying.
Reaching the top, I waved to the fake crowd and smiled before grabbing the fly bar. I knew the movements in my sleep. Julian signaled that he was ready, and we were off. The amount and type of flips before I caught Julian’s arms were what made the sequence so dangerous. We took the theme of ‘death defying’ to a whole new level, and the platform sat twice as high as any other show in the world.
Performers used the ladder and bars on either side to continue to perform as I flew, their vibrant costumes shining under the bright lights. The first release and catch went off without a hitch, and Julian smiled and counted down the release to return to my bar. The next two were equally smooth. I was tight and on point.
We pretended to smile at the crowd again as we caught our breath, and the performer acting as Ringmaster called for silence. We took our cue and once more sailed through the air. I released my bar and did the tight twists that made me look like a spinning bullet before stretching my arms wide in a Superman pose.
