Page 133 of Malice and Surrender
I went to start the car and then remembered I had prepaid for gas and never put any in Camille. Fuck. So much for a grand dramatic exit.
“Son of a bitch,” I swore under my breath as I got back out.
Kaivan
I hated Avro more now than ever before. That knowing look on his face when he’d spoken to me. He fucking knew what Raine would demand. Him and his stupid amber eyes had silently mocked me. Who the fuck had amber eyes anyway?
For all I knew, they set this up together, but I didn’t think so. The emotions they’d shown were authentic, and Raine wasn’t great at lying. She’d never been the type to keep what she was thinking off of her face.
I looked down at her sleeping form and couldn’t remember feeling like this ever. It was a potent combination. Raine’s arms wrapped around me, holding me as if I would disappear. Her head was on my heart, her leg stretched over my legs, and her hand on my chest.
I’d never spent the night with anyone unless I counted when we were younger, and she snuck into my bed because she had a nightmare. Fuck, it had been way too difficult not to hold her or touch her, and I had ended up taking her out back and sitting in the large swing. She fell asleep with her head on my shoulder, but I had to tell her never to do it again.
My resolve where she was concerned was always on life support. Even back then, everything inside me screamed that Raine was mine. Guys would look at her, and I wanted to punch them in the face. The boys at school would try to flirt with her, but I knew what they were thinking and put a stop to that. No one touched her or went near her without my permission. If you had a dick attached to your body, your intentions better be pure.
She was so fucking innocent and sweet. A bright light in my dark world that made me smile just by looking my way. I didn’t know what to do with the emotions then, and eleven years, three months, three weeks, and two days hadn’t made it any easier to navigate.
Having sex with women was easy, but with Raine…she pulled me all over the place. One moment I was happy, then scared, horny as hell, pissed off, and finally confused. My head had been a mess for a long time, but this emotional shit had it all scrambled up like someone came along and swiped everything off my already disorganized desk into a heap on the floor.
I traced my finger along Raine’s bare shoulder. She shivered and snuggled closer, right on cue, making me smile. Grabbing the blanket, I pulled it up to cover her. She sighed, and I knew I was seriously fucked. I couldn’t picture my life without her. I didn’t do fluffy shit, yet words like soulmate bounced around inside my skull. She made me crazy. That was all there was to it. Raine had stolen the heart from my chest and refused to give it back.
Her fingers twitched on my chest, and a glint caught my eye. I hadn’t noticed the ring before but stared at it now. Without even trying, she had me wanting to cry and fuck her into oblivion all over again.
The thin silver band was a gift I bought and gave to her the day before our worlds exploded. I had wanted to tell her it was a promise ring, but instead, I said it was an early birthday gift since we always celebrated our birthdays together. I loved that she was two years, two weeks, and two days younger. The little unity symbol on the top had felt so right to buy for her, and she’d smiled wider than I’d ever seen. She had practically jumped into my arms to hug me as she said thank you over and over again.
Sliding my hand under hers, I lifted her fingers enough to see the ring clearly, running my thumb over the symbol. She kept it. All this time, and she still wore it. My silent promise to her that I would forever be hers, and she was mine.
The anger that consumed me for so long was still there. I was annoyed as shit that what Raine wanted went against every one of my base instincts.
But I was more pissed off at those that manipulated a traumatized teen into thinking I’d hurt her and put us in this position in the first place out of spite. She told me more about what Dave had said to her. How the police caught me down near the fights, and my hoodie had her blood on it, how I’d admitted to being obsessed with her.
That last part was true, but no one knew that. I hadn’t admitted it to myself, let alone a bunch of cops. Irene had put on quite the show. She cried and told her that I was so angry when I thought she went downtown to see another guy that I lost it and attacked her, and that was how she got the black eye. I’d bet money it was Dave that put it there when he found out about her fucking around on him with me.
Raine said she didn’t have a reason to think they’d lie to her and didn’t ask to see any of the evidence. She was in the hospital facing a second surgery, scared out of her mind. Every noise made her heart monitor leap, and they put a security guard at the door for a week so that she could get some sleep.
What hurt my heart the most was how she wished she had died. That last part killed me more than anything else. They almost succeeded and took any hope from my life with a single act. I don’t know what I would’ve done if she had.
I shivered and wrapped my arms around Raine, linking my fingers together. She said that so many times during the investigation, she had doubts, but the response was always the same. She was making excuses for my actions because of her feelings for me.
Raine suddenly jerked, a whimper escaping her mouth. “Shh, it’s okay, Tink, I’ve got you. I’ve always got you,” I whispered, kissing the top of her head. “I’ll never let anyone hurt you again.”
Her body twitched a few more times before she settled again. “I love you,” she slurred out in her dream state.
“I love you too,” I said.
Yeah, there was no letting her go. But she was clear about what she wanted, including two other men. My nostrils flared with the thought of them touching her. I had to figure out a way to live with this if I wanted her in my life. Without her being chained to my fucking wall like a prisoner. Wilder came to mind, and I couldn’t help wondering who he was keeping prisoner and what he was doing to them. Nope, don’t wonder. You don’t want to know. Plausible deniability was what I was going for. Hell, it wasn’t like I was going to be turning his crazy ass in, so better off not to know.
Maybe I could talk Raine into hitting the road with me for a few weeks or months. Everyone else seemed to be able to take off whenever they wanted. Why the fuck shouldn’t I have the opportunity?
Raine bolted upright from my hold, her hand clutching her chest as her wide eyes searched the room before finding my face.
“You okay,” I asked, trying to pull her back into my arms, but she shook her head.
“I will be. I just need a few moments alone. I’m going to go shower.” Leaning down, she gave me a quick kiss, but I saw the shadows in her eyes. She didn’t have to say it, I knew what haunted her dreams, and here she was, lying in the arms of the man she thought had hurt her. I guess there was going to be an adjustment for both of us.
“You sure you don’t want me to join?”
Raine gave me a small smile as she stood from the bed. Fuck me. My eager cock stirred at her naked body and the faint outline of my handprint on her ass as she dug around in her small backpack.
