Page 115 of Malice and Surrender
Jace wheeled the rest of his luggage toward the door, and my heart sank. He didn’t say we were done. The words never left his mouth, but that was how it felt. I’d never seen Jace so angry after Raine left. He fumed and paced as we argued all night about what to do.
I understood why Jace was adamant that he couldn’t be part of the relationship if Raine wouldn’t call the police, and yet I knew she wouldn’t. The look on her face said how bad she felt about everything, but under that was the same look she gave me when she said she couldn’t turn Kai in. Weirdly, I understood her and her reasoning more now than before I saw Kai.
Despite my broken nose and bruised side, the look on his face made me think of Jace and how he would’ve ended up. I was scared to think about what would’ve happened without his mom when she was alive and me after she died. We kept him on the path whenever he started to wander off. He was just as stubborn and ambitious, but it didn’t lead him down dark alleys and into fistfights.
The way Jace and Kai had gone at it, I knew that one of them was going to die. They were too similar to give in, and only Raine could’ve stopped that. Fuck, what she did was so brave. I was terrified he was going to do it, or that gun would accidentally go off.
“You don’t have to leave this morning. I can take you to the plane tomorrow like we planned,” I said.
“No, I need some space from all of this. I don’t want to argue with you. I’ve always hated fighting with you, but I’m telling you, that guy will not stop. He is going to be back, and next time, he will probably pull the trigger the moment you open the door.” Jace finished tying his boots and stood. “I’m surprised he didn’t, and when I think about that.” He shook his head. “I can’t. I can’t live through that again.”
I pushed myself to my feet and faced the one person I’d loved almost my whole life, and it felt like I was being torn in two. Jace grabbed my face and kissed me hard. It was so Jace, so demanding, so all-consuming that I forgot he was leaving and this could be our last goodbye.
“I can’t lose you that way, and if I spend any more time here, I’m going to fall in love with her ‘cause the fucking tug is there already, and I can’t. I just can’t. Call me a fucking chicken all you want, but I already had to bury three people I loved because of an unhinged man.” His hands dropped from my face. “I won’t put myself in that position willingly again. If Raine won’t do what she needs to, to make us all safe….” He grabbed the bomber jacket and shrugged it on. “If she calls the cops, then I’m all in. If you decide we find a different third, I’m all in.” Jace paused in his rant and sighed. “But this? Always worrying when that fucker will come to the door with a gun? No. No. No. No.”
“That’s a lot of ‘no’s. Are you sure?” I teased and earned a glare. “Okay, bad timing. Look, Jace…” I grabbed his shoulders and searched his face. “Just give me time to get something worked out.”
“I am. We’re not done. I love you too fucking much, but you need to get Raine to see reason, and I can’t be here for it ‘cause I know that I’m just going to fight with her, and that will make it worse.” A horn blew outside, and Jace walked over and opened the door to show off the long black limo. “I have three concerts over the next week, then three days off. I’ll come home, and we can talk more.”
“I hate this,” I grumbled.
“So do I.” He grabbed his bags and the suitcase and wheeled it to the open door before looking back at me. “I do want things to work out, Avro. You were right. She is unique and…I just wish it had worked out. Please be safe. That guy is not right. I saw it in his eyes.”
With that, Jace walked out the door, and a minute later, the limo was gone. I stared at the living room, which was still a complete disaster, and knew it looked how I felt. My world had imploded. I had no one to blame but myself for falling in love with Raine, but I did and wouldn’t change a moment. Every touch, glance, and laugh we’d shared over the last five years were tiny building blocks in our relationship.
I couldn’t wait until work tonight. I needed to see her now. Locking the front door, I grabbed my keys and ran to my car. My chest felt like it was being stepped on. Raine left, Jace left, and I was the ribbon in the middle of a game of tug-of-war.
Hitting Jace’s number on my phone, I tried calling him, but as usual, when he was pissed and wanted space, he had it turned off. It was a habit I hated.
“Jace, it’s me. Look, I’m sorry. I know we said we would talk soon, but I just…Fuck, I love you. Call me back.”
Racing down the street, it didn’t take long to reach Raine’s house, and I jumped out and ran to the front door. I knocked, but no one answered, and I didn’t hear anyone moving around inside. I knocked again when I spotted an envelope sticking out of the mailbox, and feeling compelled to do it, I grabbed it.
My hands shook as I stared at the name scrolled across the front.
Avro and Jace
I tore open the envelope and pulled out the small handwritten letter.
I don’t even know what to say. I have all these emotions and thoughts, and they are all jumbled up and barely make sense to me.
Avro, I want you to know that I really do love you. You have a special heart, and you took the time that no one else did to understand me. You made me feel like I wasn’t a walking scar that everyone would see and pity. I cannot even explain to you what that means to me.
And I’m sorry to go like this, but I had to. I just couldn’t look you in the eye and do what I needed to.
Jace, I hate to say it, but you were right about one thing. Kai is never going to stop. I’m not sure what it would take to stop him, but no matter what, I would never put the two of you at risk. I did hear you. Please know our time, as short as it was, was very special to me.
I love you so much, Avro, and I know in time I would’ve loved you too, Jace.
The issue is that I still love Kai, even all these years later. I’m responsible for destroying his life and turning him into the enraged man who drove off the rails. He used to be so different and was someone the two of you would’ve liked. Now I don’t recognize him, and that scares me.
It’s time I start a new adventure, and maybe one day, our stars will realign.
Raine
I read the letter for a second time, my body shaking. No, this is not happening. I wasn’t allowing that asshole to run her off. Letter in hand, I stomped down the steps to the car and flipped through the web search engine until I found what I needed—the dilapidated amusement park that sat next door to the motorcycle club.
Putting the car in gear, I drove to the old amusement park I’d been to many times as a kid. It used to be a huge attraction, and I had great memories of making out with Jace in a few dark corners. The top of the Ferris wheel had been highly entertaining. I felt free up there, with no one around to see or judge us.
