Page 88 of Wild Mistake
Sarah turns away, as if she can’t stand to look at me anymore. It’s the same thing she did twenty years ago. This time it hurts even more. Because this time there’s no mistaking what I’ve lost.
With deep regret in my heart, I turn and walk away from the best thing to happen to me. And like before, she doesn’t come running or beg me to stay. She lets me leave, and as much as I’d like to be wrong, that tells me all I need to know.
33
AIDEN
EIGHTEEN YEARS AGO
Being backin Wilder Valley these last two weeks has meant everything and more. I work with my family on the ranch during the day, then shower and hang at the diner until Sarah gets off work. On her days off we take day trips to hike and explore the beautiful parts of this state we’ve never seen. We make love under the stars in the back of my truck. After three years of being mostly apart, we’re just so damn happy. It’s perfect.
Or it would be, if I could find the courage to tell her what I need to.
I should’ve already had the conversation.
It’s almost cruel I’ve waited until tonight. But I’m scared she won’t understand. I hate upsetting her. I fear both are unavoidable.
“You’ve been awfully quiet tonight.” Sarah squeezes my hand.
I spare a glance from the road to meet her sweet smile. My stomach tumbles with nerves. She knows me so well. I can’t hide this from her. Even if I wanted to, my time is up.
“I wish I didn’t have to take you home.” I say, turning onto her street but pulling to the side of the road before we reach her parents’ house. It seems ridiculous at twenty years old she still has a midnight curfew, but her parents are strict like that.
“Well, you won’t have to for long,” Sarah says, flashing me a grin. “We could get married next month if you want.”
“Yeah,” I say, scrubbing my hand along my jaw. I hope she still feels that way after I tell her the truth. “The thing is . . .” My words stick in my throat. I can barely meet her gaze.
“Don’t tell me you’re getting cold feet.” Sarah laughs, but when I don’t join in, she pulls her hand away. “Aiden?”
“I do want to marry you. Sarah, of course I do. I love you so much.” I take a long pull of air and exhale before leveling her with my gaze. “There’s just one thing.”
Her shoulders are stiff and her voice is a block of ice. “What is it?”
“This is hard to tell you and I don’t want you to be upset.”God, why is this so hard?
“Just say it,” she whispers.
“Sarah, I signed on for another three years.”
She stares as if she can’t quite comprehend the words.
Silence stretches between us, filling the cab with so much tension my bones might crack.
“You did what?” Her eyes flare with anger, but beneath that fire I can see the hurt.
“I’ve been selected for the Ranger training program and I really think this is something I’ll be good at. I leave in two weeks.” Her sharp gasp slices through my heart. I hang my head. “I know it’s not what you wanted.”
“What I wanted?” She shakes her head. “Aiden, no.”
“I can’t explain to you what it was like being in Iraq this last tour. I can’t just leave my brothers. Not when there’s so much left to be done. Not when I am perfectly capable of helping. Not after everything I saw.” Witnessing one of my comrades blown to pieces before my own eyes is a memory that will never leave the forefront of my mind.
“What about me?” Tears fill her eyes as she holds my stare. It guts me.
“I love you, Sarah. I want to get married. None of that changes. This isn’t like before. We know we can make it through.” I reach for her hand. “Let’s get married. You can come with me. Live on base. It’ll be hard when I’m deployed, but at least we’ll be together. We can still start our life together.”
“No.” Her refusal is so certain and not at all what I expect.
I shake my head, confused. “What do you mean, no?”
