Page 83 of Caught in Us
She stops before we reach the door, turning to meet my stare. “Chase, you don’t have to come in.”
“I’d rather stay.” There’s no way I’m leaving her alone right now. The day isn’t over, but even if it were, I wouldn’t go. I need her to understand. “I’ll spend the night.”
“What about your cat?”
“You’re concerned about Paws?” I almost laugh.
Her brows furrow. “Yes, I am.”
“He’s a cat who’s used to me being gone several days at a time, thanks to my schedule. He’ll be fine.”
“Chase, you don’t have to do this. My brothers will be over later with dinner. I promise, I’m good now. You don’t have to worry.”
“Accepting help isn’t a sign of weakness.” I step forward, crowding her body. I brush a finger across her cheek. “Let me in.”
She leans into my touch, her eyes drifting shut. “You’ll probably regret this.” I hear the fear she’s too afraid to voice; her worry that I’ll regret her.
“I’ll bet on my life I won’t.” My bigger regret would be leaving her to deal with all of this on her own. “We’re stronger together.” I meet her eyes and hold her stare. “Okay? I need you to know that. I’m not going anywhere, no matter what you say or how hard this gets. I know your heart.”
“I’m sorry.” She starts sobbing, tears falling freely. Her pain is mine, and my soul aches to make it better.
I pull her into my arms. “Baby, what are you sorry for?”
“For leaving. For staying away.” She hiccups against my chest, her tears falling faster. “For keeping you from Matthew.”
I rub her back. It’s been an emotional day. She’s exhausted. Probably starving too. “We don’t have to do this right now.”
“No.” She steps back, wiping at her cheeks. “I do. I don’t want another minute to pass us by.”
“Us?” Crazy as it is, that’s the only word I hear and it gives me so much damn hope.
“I hope there can still be an us.” She presses her lips together. “But if you don’t want that, please be honest and tell me now.”
“I want to be here.”For you. By your side. Forever.
“I don’t know why. I’m a mess.”
“Alicia, I love your mess.” I can’t stand it anymore. I have to kiss her. Dipping my chin, I seal my lips over hers. My kisses are tentative and sweet. A promise to stay. A vow to always love her.
“I’m scared,” she whispers, pulling back to meet my gaze. “Really fucking scared. I thought I was doing right by Matthew, but I let fear call the shots. I’m sorry, Chase. I should have come back. Called. Done my due diligence.” There’s agony in her confession.
“You did what you thought was best.”
“I thought building a wall around my heart would keep it from getting hurt again. I was wrong.” Her hand smooths over my chest to where my heart beats wildly for her. “Chase, I love you. I never stopped.”
They’re the words I’ve longed to hear, and a peace settles in my soul with her admission. It’s the reassurance I need to know we’re going to make it through. “I love you, too. I’m not leaving your side. I’m here.” I’m so caught up in her—in us. I’ll never stop fighting for her, no matter what life throws our way.
39
Alicia
The next weekpasses in a whirl of highs and lows. I’m devastated my father is no longer in this world. I miss him so much my heart aches. But these last few years after his stroke changed things. It was hard to see him struggle. To not know if he understood what was happening around him. How there was a possibility he couldn’t comprehend the words we spoke. He was suffering, and with his death comes a sense of relief.
Chase keeps his promise. He stays in my bed every night, finding friends to cover his shifts at the station. We go to meetings and he gets to know Matthew. He coordinates with my brothers to make sure my mom and I are never alone for the times he has to leave, and that support keeps me from drinking.
Simon and I delay our return to London. I offer for him to fly back without me, but he refuses and I am thankful. I can’t imagine going through this without him. He helps with Matthew and gets to know my family better, including my half-sister. They hit it off actually, and it’s nice for him to have someone to hang out with so I don’t feel bad spending all my free hours with Chase.
The hours feel as if they are slipping away. I’m supposed to fly back in another week, the day after my father’s funeral, but I can’t imagine not waking up with Chase beside me, sleeping soundly with the steady rhythm of his breathing assuring me everything’s going to be okay. Just the idea of being back in London has anxiety rushing in my veins.
