Page 76 of Caught in Us
“I wasn’t talking about us. Or Matthew.” My excuses lack conviction, as does my anger from before.
“But you’re so quick to lash your anger on a woman who’s basically been hidden in another country her entire life by your father. Where’s your compassion? Where’s the person who fought for her sobriety? Do you even believe in redemption or second chances?”
“Chase,” I beg, reaching for him.
He steps back, his palms up. “No. I want to be here for you, I do. But I need a minute.” He shakes his head. “Maybe you’re not the person I thought you were.”
“Don’t you dare.” Righteousness fills my chest. He doesn’t know me. Hasn’t grown up in my family. He doesn’t get to come in and make judgments about me or the shit I went through. The armor I’ve used to survive reconstructs around my heart. “You don’t understand. You have no idea!”
“Then tell me why you went off on that woman in there? She’s worried and waiting for her dad to come out of surgery, the same as you.”
“Fuck you.” The insult flies from my mouth.
He rears back. “Excuse me?”
“I don’t need to explain myself. You don’t get it. Fine. You probably don’t want to be here. So leave, then.” I gesture toward the lot of parked cars. “Thanks for the ride, but I don’t need you. I’ve been surviving without you just fine.”
“That’s really how it’s gonna be?” He folds his arms over his chest. “After everything, you want to throw us away all over again?”
No. No, that’s not what I want at all but I can’t admit that. “Damn it, Chase. I can’t do this right now. Not after the last twenty-four hours. My mom is a wreck. My dad is . . . My dad is dying, and I—” I shake my head, holding back the urge to melt into a puddle of tears. “I’m supposed to get on a plane in two days. I mean, what the hell were we even thinking? My life is in London.”
Despite my callousness, he steps forward. “We can figure it out.”
But I’ve been sold a lie before. A fairytale family by appearance that contained nothing but hurt. How can I trust we won’t be the same? “How? How does this work? I’m not going to drop my entire career, bail on the education I’ve worked so damn hard to achieve over the last three years, just to what? Come back here and be your girlfriend? All because we fucked one night?”
His lips pinch with disapproval. “You don’t mean that.”
“Stop, okay? Stop trying to be so damn perfect.” Stop trying to call me on my bullshit. Stop making me risk my heart. “Just go. Okay? Please. Just go.”
“Is that what you really want?”
I nod but I can’t say it out loud. The anger fueling my outrage is already fading.
He stares, holding my gaze a full minute before he sneers. “Okay, then. Have it your way. I’ll leave. I thought we were better than this.” He shakes his head and turns, walking away.
It’s what I expect, isn’t it? What I pushed him to do. The people I allow close to my heart always let me down. It’s why I don’t open myself up. Why I keep everyone at a distance, push people away. It hurts a hell of a lot less if I’m the one calling the shots.
Only, that doesn’t feel true right now. My heart feels like it’s cracking into pieces all over again. My dad’s in surgery. My family’s a mess. And I told the one man who I want by my side forever to fuck off. Oh, God, what have I done?
36
Chase
I can’t believe Alicia.After everything we’ve been through. After last night.Fuck.I thought we were past this bullshit.
Apparently, I thought wrong.
I stalk to my truck, hurt and anger pulsing through my muscles with every step. Am I the fool here? Has my desire to hold on to the past clouded my judgment? Because I swear last night was real. I gave her everything, my entire heart. But the shit she pulled back there? That was fucking mean. Especially for someone who’s accepted her weakness and gone down a path of healing. The callous words she lashed toward her half-sister hit where I’m most vulnerable.
I’m angry. With her. At myself. With this impossible situation we’re in.
I’m a stranger to Matthew. He shares my DNA, but he doesn’t know me as a son should know his father.
My biggest fear other than losing her is losing him.
What happens if she decides I don’t deserve a place in their life?
Am I really so expendable?
