Page 40 of Caught in Us
“Well, I better head out,” Eddie says, pushing to his feet. “I’ve got that meeting early tomorrow.”
“I should get going too,” Ricky says, twisting the half-empty beer bottle in his hands. “I’m going to stop in and see Dad before I head out.”
“I need to get Matthew to bed.” I don’t even try to mask the coolness in my tone.
“Hey.” Eddie pulls me into his arms before I can pass by him. My stiff body relaxes into his warmth. Thanks to technology we’ve worked hard to stay in touch, but I’ve missed both of my brothers. I miss their hugs. “I love you.”
“Love you, too,” I whisper.
Ricky is waiting with open arms when Eddie releases me from his embrace. “And I love you, too. Having another sister doesn’t change that.” He gives me a squeeze, holding me tight for a long breath. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I don’t want this to ruin our time with you.”
Time that’s limited because I choose to live in another country.
I’m having a hard time remembering why after today. Watching my brothers shower my son with love and attention makes me long for what should have been. It’s my fault they don’t see him enough. It’s my fault Matty doesn’t know his own father.
I replay my conversation with Chase over in my head. His kiss too. It felt so good to be wrapped in his arms, like going back in time. I relished that feeling of being wanted. The tenderness, the passion, all of it stoked a flame I thought was extinguished years ago.
How could one kiss hold that power? I don’t really want the answer to the question. Everything I’ve held true all these years I’d built on sand, and this trip was washing it all away. They say the truth sets you free, but does it? Because I don’t know what I’ll have left when this week is over.
20
Chase
The next morning,I drive to pick up Alicia and Matthew with a nervous energy pulsing through my veins. I’m excited. But I also want this day to be perfect. At the very least, a success. I feel as though I have something to prove, not only to Alicia, but to myself.
When I pull up to the massive house, they’re waiting outside. It looks almost comical, the two of them sitting next to a toddler booster seat waiting to hitch a ride outside such a lavish estate. Maybe there’s a reason she doesn’t want me coming to the door. Or she doesn’t want me to meet her parents? Or maybe talking to Simon? God, is she embarrassed for others to find out I’m Matthew’s father? I hope not. I’m not a doctor or millionaire, but I’m hard-working and I’m prepared to be involved—both financial and emotionally—in my son’s life.
Fuck.I’m already overthinking this. It’s quite possible she’s just prepared and ready to leave. I glance at the dash after putting the truck into park to make sure I’m not late, but no, I’m actually ten minutes early.
Nerves rattle my chest as I hop down from the cab and walk around to meet my son.My child. Wow. The weight of the responsibility settles on my shoulders, but it doesn’t scare me. I’m prepared to take it on. I might not feel worthy or ready for fatherhood, but I can’t deny it’s something I’ve always hoped and prayed for. Hell, not so long ago I dreamed of having a child with Alicia. Now I do. It’s not exactly how I expected, but that doesn’t lessen the gift of it. We have a child, and today I get to spend the day with him. My eyes blink back the emotion from the joy filling my heart.
“Morning.” I force my pulse to calm as I meet Alicia’s wary gaze.
“Hey.” She looks as overwhelmed as I feel.
“Truck! Truck!” Matthew points at my vehicle, his body bouncing without his feet leaving the ground. It’s so fucking cute.
“He likes trucks?”
“Anything with wheels.” Alicia smiles softly. She reaches for Matthew’s hand and then the car seat.
“Here, let me.” I step forward and take the seat from her.
“Thanks.” She looks down at Matthew, who doesn’t appear shy or concerned by my presence. He must have an adventurous spirit like his mama.
I take the seat to install in the back seat of the truck. My firefighter training and all the community safety events I’ve worked comes in handy, because I get the seat secured in no time. Before I climb back out, I look over my shoulder and find Alicia staring—quite appreciatively—at my backside. A smirk works its way onto my lips, but I can’t deny the slight ego boost her stare provides. “You wanna check it out first?”
Her gaze snaps to mine and her cheeks darken with a blush. “Uh.”
Yeah.You’re busted.“The car seat?” I nearly laugh out loud. “Make sure I installed it right?”
“Right,” she says before addressing Matthew. “Stay here, Matty. No running. Remember we have to be careful around cars.”
“Okay, Mama. No run.” A serious frown crinkles his forehead.
Alicia smiles and then shuffles past me to climb into the truck.
I squat down next to Matthew, worried my height and size might be intimidating to the little guy. Alicia and I didn’t discuss specifics about today, other than the museum, so I don’t exactly know how to introduce myself. I so badly want him to know I’m his dad. How I promise to love him for the rest of my life. How I never want to miss another day of his life. “Hey, bud, you ready to have a fun day?”
