Page 34 of Caught in Us
“Oh, babe.”
“It’s fine.” It’s not. “I just need to keep my head clear. Today was a blip. Too many familiar things, and it stirred up things better left in the past.”
“So, does this mean your friends know, too? Callie and Jill?”
Fuck. I didn’t even consider that they know. Or that Chase might’ve already told them.Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.I think back to having lunch at Jill and Cam’s not even an hour ago. “No,” I shake my head. “I don’t think he’s told them. Not yet.” Though after what just happened, he has every right to. The thought of their disappointment piles on more shame and guilt. It’s almost too much to bear.
“And where does Matthew fall in all this? Does Chase want a relationship with his son?”
“We didn’t really get to that part.” I roll my eyes at Simon’s knowing stare. “I freaked out and shut him down.”
“We’re only here a week.”
I press my fingers against my temple. “I know.”
“Alicia,” Simon says gently, waiting for my gaze to meet his. “If he’s sober and doing well, he deserves to know the beautiful child you’ve raised.”
“I’m worried it’ll confuse things more.”
His brow furrows. “For Matthew?”
“For me.”
“Well, if there’s one thing I know about you, it’s that you’ve never let fear stop you from doing what’s right. Now would be a strange time to start.”
He’s right. Of course he is. I pin him with a serious stare. “You should really become a therapist or something.”
“Ha!” He leans back in his chair. “I’m trying. I can’t find a grad school that wants me and my pitiful test scores.”
“Well, Matty and I reap the rewards of that.” I reach out and take his hand, giving it a squeeze. “Seriously, though. Thank you. For being here and for keeping me sane.”
“Always.” He grins. “Now, are we still pretending to be together for your brothers? I can’t keep track.”
“Ugh.” I wave him off. “No more pretending. Let’s stick with the truth.”
“I like that.”
Pulling out my phone, I shoot Chase a text before I lose my nerve.
Me: Come by tomorrow in the morning? Matty goes down for a nap after lunch, so earlier is better.
The wait for his response is excruciating. Almost five minutes pass, and with each second my heart falls with disappointment. Maybe he’s already changed his mind. Maybe we’re more trouble than we’re worth. I almost give up and resign to tuck my phone back into my bag, except before I do, it chimes with a series of text alerts.
Chase: I’ll be over at nine.
Chase: Thank you for giving me a chance.
Chase: I won’t let you down.
Matthew will love him. That was never a question, and I have to trust that Chase is as sober as he appears. I have no reason not to. I can’t keep Chase from knowing his son, and I’ve always wished Matty could have a relationship with his father. These are good, positive things. I should be thrilled. But somehow inviting Chase back into my life feels an awful lot like freefalling off a cliff. Only, I’m not sure where to land, and there’s nothing to keep me from getting hurt.
18
Chase
I’m drivingwhen I get Alicia’s text. After the way she refused to have a conversation, I’m shocked by her invitation to spend time with Matthew tomorrow. Of course, I pull over and immediately accept. I’d be a fool not to take the olive branch.
I have a son. Me. A father. And tomorrow I get to spend the day earning that title. Establishing the kind of relationship I wished for as a child. The weight of that responsibility settles on my shoulders, but it doesn’t scare me. Maybe it should. I have no clue what I’m doing. But instead, this twist feels more like fate.
