Page 84 of Caught in Us
If only I could slow things down.
Make the hours stretch longer.
Stay here with Chase forever.
Then it hits me. Why can’t I have those things? Am I overcomplicating this? Careful not to wake Chase, I scoot to the edge of the bed and reach down to retrieve my laptop from its bag. The time stamp at the corner of the screen reads three twenty-two when I open it, but it doesn’t matter that it’s the middle of the night. I can’t waste another minute.
I work for hours, until rays of morning sun stream through the tiny cracks in the window coverings.
Chase rolls to his side, his voice gravelly and rough as he reaches for me. “What are you doing?” He runs his palm along my leg.
I shoot him a grin, excitement bubbling in my chest. “Looking for jobs.”
“What?” He sits up, blinking away the last traces of sleep.
I shut my laptop and set it on the bedside table. We haven’t talked much about what happens next, my upcoming departure a source of dread for both of us. “I’m applying to positions in Richmond. I don’t want us to be apart.”
“But you’ve worked so hard.” His brow furrows and his hair falls forward into his eyes before he pushes it back. “You shouldn’t have to drop everything. We can find a compromise. I’m looking into a work visa and how to get certified for firefighting in England. I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret. We’ll figure this out.”
My heart hammers in my chest, joy chasing away the remains of apprehension as I realize what he just said. “You researched work visas? For me?” I know how much his life is here. How hard he’s worked to establish the teen center and earn captain.
“Of course.” Chase cups my cheek, intently holding my stare. “I would do anything to be with you and take care of Matthew.” The fact he’s willing to give everything up only cements the decisions I’ve already made.
“I want us to raise him here.”
Chase’s brows shoot into his hairline. He leans back, finding my eyes as if he’s trying to gauge the truth in my words. “Because British accents are pretentious?”
“What?” I laugh and shove at his chest. “No. I want him to be raised around family.” Family. That word carries both joy and sorrow. Tears fill my eyes, hating that this move won’t include my father. I’m so thankful I came back for Jill’s wedding. That he got to meet my son, even if it’s a moment only I will remember. One solitary tear escapes and rolls down my cheek, but Chase swipes it away. “I want the support of our friends too.”
“I want that, Alicia. But you don’t have to give up what you’ve worked for. We don’t have to make any decisions yet.”
“I already put in for a leave through the semester. I need time to help my mom. To sort things out with my father’s passing.”
He sighs, rubbing my back and leaning into me. “God, Alicia, I can’t imagine what you’re feeling.”
“I’m sad. A little disconnected. Like all of this isn’t real.” Grief isn’t linear. It ebbs and flows. Selfishly, I want my dad back. The larger-than-life cunning businessman and devoted father. But that man died years ago with no warning. No notice, and our lives were forever changed. “But most of all, I’m scared of wasting another minute. We aren’t guaranteed anything, Chase. Not tomorrow, not even today, and I refuse to let this life pass me by. I want to be with you. To move in together so I never have to wake up without you in my arms. I want to argue about stupid stuff like furniture and pre-schools. I want to raise our child together and plan barbeques with our friends. I want to celebrate every one of Matthew’s birthdays with you by my side.”
He captures my mouth in a kiss, one that seems to stop time if only for a minute. In his presence I feel safe. Loved. Home. I always have.
He pulls back, smiling as our eyes meet. “Sounds like you have our future planned out.”
“Not entirely.” I shrug.
“Oh, yeah?” He wraps his arms around my waist and tugs me onto his lap. “I get a say in some things?”
I shift to straddle his hips, looping my arms around his neck. “Everything.” I brush my mouth over his lips. “You get a say in everything.”
“Now that I’ve got you back, I’m never letting you go.” His hands tighten like a band around my waist. Maybe this should scare me. Maybe we should take it slow. But I can’t help but think our entire lives have prepared us for this moment. I’m committed to this man and our relationship because he brings out the best version of me. For the first time in years, I’m excited for everything the future holds.
40
Chase
Alicia amazesme with her steadfast strength. She deals with her alcoholic mother, attends regular AA meetings for support, and takes care of our son, all while grieving her father’s death.
I am with her every step of the way.
I hold her hand at the funeral.
