Page 65 of Caught in Us
“You can take him out on your own. If you want?”
Of course I want to see my son, but I want her there too. I stare at Alicia, trying to read between the words she won’t say. “Why would I want that?” Does she not want to spend time with me?
“It’s probably not a good idea.” She won’t meet my stare. “Us. Getting too close. You know? Considering everything with our past.”
My chest aches. My nostrils sting. The thought of her not willing to give us a real chance is almost too much. Is she still scared to be with me because I’m a recovering addict? “Alicia?”
“I’m sorry.” She shoves to her feet, shaking her head. “I can’t.” She takes a few steps toward the tent, but must change her mind, because she doubles back to take the path toward the restrooms. She storms by, her gaze on the ground as if she can’t stand the sight of me.
I can’t let her walk away. “Alicia. Wait.” In two long strides, I catch her wrist, stopping her from running away. “What’s going on?” Anger surges in my chest as she turns her face downward. “Damn it, Alicia. Why won’t you look at me?”
Her chin lifts, the dim light illuminating the torment in her features. Tears escape from the corners of her eyes. She shakes her head, her chest rising and falling with heavy breaths. “Chase. Please. Don’t. Just let me go.”
Confusion furrows my brow. Let her go? I don’t understand. The request feels impossible. Even if I tried, I’m not sure I ever could.
30
Alicia
“No.”He shakes his head, the lines on his forehead deepening with his frown. “I won’t. We’re talking about whatever it is that has you running away.”
Fine. He wants to know what’s keeping me away? What’s been nagging in my mind since reconnecting. I’m tired. I can’t fake it anymore. “I’m exhausted, Chase.” I throw my arms out wide. “Pretending things are perfectly fine when they aren’t. Pretending I have my shit together when I have no idea what I’m doing.” I blink back the tears but they fall anyway. “Pretending I don’t care when I can’t stop thinking about you. Even when I shouldn’t.Even when I don’t want to.”
His eyes narrow as he takes a step forward. “Why don’t you want to?”
“Because I messed up.” My voice cracks. It hit me during the wedding. I missed my chance. I fucked up any possibility of a future with him. And worse . . . I have no one to blame but myself. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I stayed away. That I kept our son from you. I’m sorry I left in the first place. I wish I could go back. I wish I could erase the pain I’ve caused you, but I can’t.”
“I accept.” He crowds my body.
I frown, taking a step back. The ivy on the brick wall at my back tickles my exposed skin. “You?”
“I forgive you. I don’t want bad feelings between us. I want to support you and be a part of Matthew’s life. I don’t want to hate my son’s mother.” He brushes the back of his hand down my arm.
“That’s . . . That’s really big of you, Chase,” I say, my focus distracted by his touch. I consider if roles were reversed. “I’m not sure I could be so forgiving.” I’m not sure I deserve it.
“There’s just one problem,” he says, his feather touch moves back up my arm. His gaze boring into mine with a fuel that stirs the fire in my belly. “You’re talking like everything’s in the past. Our story doesn’t have to be over.”
My breath catches. A seed of hope takes root. The rational part of my brain reaches for the biggest reason. “But what about Julia?”
“We broke up last night.”
“What?” It’s almost too much to hope for.
A throat clears. “Um, sorry, I thought the restrooms were this way.” The man’s gaze drops to the ground. Our position appears more compromising than it is with my back to the wall and Chase hovering over me.
“That way,” Chase says, stepping back and pointing down the path.
“Thanks.” The man nods before leaving us alone.
I want to get back to our conversation. Julia and Chase broke up. Why? Was it because of me? Or last night? Is it selfish to hope? “I’m sorry.” I reach out, touching his arm. “Are you okay?”Please don’t be sad. Please don’t be heartbroken.
“It was time.” He shrugs, his gaze downcast and unreadable. “I thought I was ready for a serious relationship, but turns out I’m still in love with someone else.”
My heart pounds in my chest. He couldn’t mean . . .
“Oh, come on.” His grin is cocky, but his words hold tenderness. “Don’t pretend you’re clueless to what you do to me.”
I can’t believe this is happening. That he’s here and available and wanting another chance for us. It’s everything I’ve hoped for. Desire races through my veins. It feeds my confidence. For the first time in years I surrender to attraction. I step into Chase, my fingers skirting the front of his suit jacket as I whisper, “And what’s that exactly?” I tilt my head up so his lips are a mere breath away.
