Page 52 of Caught in Us
She’s too fucking perceptive.
And I’m exhausted from keeping this secret.
“Because you know his father,” I whisper.
Jill’s brow furrows. “Simon? We just met.”
“No.” I shake my head, emotion clogging my throat. A few tears spill from my lashes. I don’t know how she and Callie are going to take this. Or if it even matters anymore. “Chase.”
Callie’s mouth falls open with a strangled gasp.
Jill stares, her gaze unwavering even as she blinks. The heat of their judgment settles on my shoulders, and I wish I could take back the words. It’s not as if they’re going to change things. I made my choices. I left and cut everyone out. If I had known the choices Chase was making with his life, maybe it would have changed things, but hindsight is twenty-twenty. It does nothing for me now. The truth only serves to hurt the people I care about.
“You’re fucking joking?” Jill practically shouts.
“Jill.” Callie admonishes.
“It’s not a joke.” I lift my chin, refusing to display one ounce of shame now that the secret’s out. “Chase and I were together, before I left. Down in Kitty Hawk.”
“Like fuck buddies?” Jill’s face scrunches with disbelief. “Or more?”
Oh, it was more than a casual hookup. I’d been fooling myself to remember it as anything else. “More. A lot more.” I glance at Callie. “I’m sorry.”
“And you were never going to tell us?” Jill shakes her head, pacing the small restroom. “Jesus, Alicia, does he know Matthew is his?”
“He knows now.” I wring my hands together as I exhale a long breath. “Look, I’m sorry. I know I fucked up. I wish things were different, or that I was stronger—but I won’t apologize for doing the best I could by my son. I didn’t know if Chase was sober and I couldn’t chance,” I wring my hands together. “I couldn’t have my child around that.”
“I wish you had told us.” Callie wraps her arms around herself.
Jill stops walking. “You know we would have been there if you did, right?”
“I wanted to. Fuck, I picked up the phone a thousand times. But I wouldn’t ask you to keep that from Cam, and after our history and how much he hurt Callie. I knew you wouldn’t approve, and I understood. But I also wasn’t ready to take the chance that Chase would find out.” I bite at my lip, wishing I could make them understand. “I needed time. I thought he was still drinking. I needed to be stronger.”
Callie narrows her gaze, her features thoughtful. “Because you loved him.”
I’m not sure I ever stopped. “Yeah.” I nod. “I’m sorry. I know what he did to you. And how much he came between us before. I never wanted to hurt you.”
“Oh, Alicia.” Callie steps forward, her arms wrapping around my shoulders and pulling me close. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”
Tears leak from my eyes, emotion filling my lungs. Of all the possible reactions, I never expected her compassion. “You didn’t know.”
“I should’ve fought harder.” She hugs me tighter, her hand rubbing my back. “You had a baby. On your own. You’re so brave.”
“I don’t feel brave.” I sniffle, holding back sobs. “I feel stupid.”
“Hey.” She pulls back and finds my gaze. “You did the best with what you knew then.”
I nod, my stare moving to find Jill.
Her glare is gone and I can only hope she doesn’t hate me.
“Jilly?” I ask.
Her shoulders fall, her eyes forlorn. “I’m sad I missed the last three years. With you. With Matthew.”
My heart squeezes. It takes everything not to sob in relief.
“Come here.” Callie opens her arms. She pulls me in first and soon Jill joins us. Their forgiveness floods my soul. Tears pour unapologetically. We stay huddled together, holding tight as if letting go might release this restored connection.
