Page 96 of All of Him
“I’ve added a bunch of weight training to my workouts. I’m almost back to where I was before everything happened.”
I’d noticed that he didn’t look as thin at work, but my focus hadn’t really been on his body as much as his demeanor. Clearly, the lack of attention I’d paid to his torso accentuated my shock.
“You’re going to have to take your shirt off and show me at some point tonight,” I mumbled to myself without thinking.
Noah threw his head back andlaughedlike I hadn’t heard him laugh in months. It was such a beautiful sound—his happiness.
“That can be arranged, I guess. And I see you haven’t lost your blatant charm.”
I playfully swatted at him over the console, then fanned myself at the thought of Noah shirtless. He’d looked just fine, naked back in Ireland, but he hadn’t seemed comfortable. The way he looked that night in the car showed that he was making significant progress in his journey to get better, and it was a relief to see that.
“I miss you too, by the way,” I said sincerely.
Noah reached over and grabbed my hand, squeezing it before letting go. “You look good.”
“Ifeelpretty good,” he admitted. “Just a few more baby steps, I think.”
“Good, because I haven’t kissed you in months, and I’m dying.”
Noah laughed again and shook his head, turning onto his road. The increasing darkness of the late spring night made me worry that we might miss the sunset, but as soon as we hit a certain bend in the road, I knew we’d still catch some of it. I stared at it out the window, feeling Noah’s callous hand grab mine again. That time, he didn’t let go.
“If you let me, I can give you one later to hold you over.”
“Only if you’re okay with it,” I answered, smiling wide.
54
Noah
AMANDA AND I SHAREDa bottle of wine and watched the sunset from my back steps, leaning against opposite poles. She looked just like she had the first night we hung out there—beautiful and unaware of it. I had a hard time looking away whenever her attention went back to the ever-darkening sky. She’d push her hair behind her ear, take a sip of wine, and smile.
I wasn’t sure if jumping the gun and asking her to hang out had been the best idea, but my therapist had urged me to spend time with her. They’d thought that it would help remind me of what I was fighting for. They were right that it helped, but wrong that I’d forgotten at all. Being with Amanda was always on my mind—the way she felt, the way her lips tasted, and just the sound of her voice.
To get herandmyself back, I’d spent the previous few months running, lifting, and playing piano until my fingers cramped. I let the bad seep out and the good trickle in. There was definite progress, but I wasn’t quite there yet.
The image of driving through the intersection would make its way into my mind, replacing the earlier flashback of the accident itself. It was the same feeling though—helplessness. Even though it had gone from happening multiple times daily to once a week or so, it still hit hard when it did.
“How’s the wedding planning going? Getting close, right?”
Amanda dramatically groaned and shook her head.
“I feel like everything is set, but I’m worried I’m missing something. You know what I mean?” she asked, taking a sip of the wine.
I nodded and looked at the stars as they became brighter with the night and shivered. It was late May, but there was still a lingering chill after dark.
“Penny and I have been hanging out.”
I raised my eyebrows and choked on my wine, making her laugh.
“She’s not that bad. She’s definitely got a few loose screws, but she’s got a good heart too.”
“Got anything from your book for me?” I asked.
Amanda stuck her tongue out jokingly, then poured herself another glass. “Oh, it’s a good one then?”
“Shut up, Noah.” She laughed.
I watched as she leaned back against the pole and stretched her legs out next to mine.
