Page 91 of All of Him
Amanda bit her lip and crossed her arms again, annoyed at the both of us. Brayden took a deep breath, shrugged, and walked away. Once his footsteps disappeared, Amanda let out a breath I hadn’t known she was holding.
“I need space from you, Noah,” she said. “I can’t be just friends with you.”
I nodded, understanding but also feeling more crushed than I’d already felt. I deserved it.
“I’m not saying I’m not here if you need me, but we can’t spend time together right now.”
“I need to tell you something first,” I said without thinking. I’d been mulling it over since the incident in Ireland, and I thought she should know the most important reason I needed to be careful with myself. Her not knowing wasn’t going to be beneficial, and if I ever wanted to be with her, she needed to be aware. “It’s bad.”
“Okay…” Amanda paused, hesitant.
“Not now. Come over this evening, and then you can avoid me until I get my shit back together. It’s important that you know.”
Amanda seemed to think about it, having just told me she didn’t want to be friends until I was ready for more. I had to elaborate further.
“Before waiting around for me, I think you should know the terms on which I left Ireland.”
She tilted her head curiously.
“I thought it was to get a new start, to buy your parents’—”
“NotwhyI left,” I cut her off, “but in what state.”
Amanda’s eyes flicked to mine, then back at the ground.
“I did something stupid.”
“Alright. But you also have to tell me how your appointment goes. I want to know you’re doing okay.”
“Amanda,” I whispered, “I’m not going to be okay for a while. But believe me, you’re the thing driving this. If I didn’t have you…” I paused, not wanting to give her any reason to worry in case she decided she didn’t want to wait. “I just want you to know that I’m serious about you.”
“Good,” she said, nodding.
Her eyes caught mine again, and she stepped forward, putting her sleeve-covered hands on my cheeks, then pressing her lips to mine. I let out a long breath through my nose and closed my eyes, savoring every part of the kiss. I didn’t deserve it, but I wasn’t going to reject it.
She backed her face away but kept her hands on my cheeks, looking at me dead in my eye.
“I’m waiting for you, Noah Murphy. And that’s final.”
51
Amanda
I PULLED UP TONoah’s farmhouse after dark, not ready at all for whatever he had to tell me. I knew it was best to not be around him, but he’d made it seem like the information he had to share would be detrimental to our friendship. I’d raked my brain all afternoon, trying to figure out what it was, but my effort was pointless. Trying to figure it out had only driven me crazy.
Thinking about my interaction with Noah that afternoon had been a good distraction from the whole Brayden thing. I still couldn’t think about that email without feeling like the bottom on my life had dropped out, but I carried a little hope for Claude’s plans. When I thought back, it could have all been avoided if I’d sent that harassment email to HR the same day he’d sent it.
I had been totally over Brayden’s not-so-subtle approaches, but I wasn’t really taking him seriously either. At the time, what he had said sounded more like a joke. I just hoped that waiting to tell someone about it didn’t mean that he had gotten to someone else. He hadn’t deserved the promotion—or the job he’d already had. I could only imaginehowhe had gone about taking my position.
I turned off my car and looked at the house. It had done a one-eighty, thanks to all the work we had put into it, and I was proud. A little gnome sat next to the front steps—a gift my dad gave to every client. Noah’s was holding an Irish flag and wore a Guinness T-shirt. I smiled, remembering that first kiss on the bridge. I wanted to go back there and make sure we never drove through that intersection.
Noah met me at the front door, hair wet from the shower and already wearing pajama pants. I smiled at him shyly, but he didn’t offer one in return. In fact, he looked petrified.
“So, what’s up?” I asked, sitting in the recliner facing the couch.
Noah ran his hand through his hair and sat down on the couch, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. It was clear that whatever he had to tell me wasn’t going to be something I wanted to hear—rather, it’d be something Ihadto hear.
“I want to start by letting you know that I went over this whole situation going on between us with my therapist today. It was an emotional appointment for me, and I’m pretty wiped.”
