Page 90 of All of Him
“Look, Amanda,” he hissed, “this is why we aren’t together right now. My eating, or lack thereof, is not your problem. I need to take care of myself. Youchecking in on meisn’t going to do shit. It’s just going to repeatedly remind me that I broke your heart, just like I destroy everything else. So, would you please leave me the fuck alone?”
“Right,” I said, anger boiling within me.Where ismyNoah?“Sorry, but I’m in a bit of a mood. You see, this guy that Iactually likeslept with me on my vacation and then decided he didn’t want to be with me. And then”—I laughed sarcastically—“I signed in to my work computer to—imagine this—feelbetter, only to find out that the office player had gotten my fucking promotion. So, do you want to tell me to back off again? Go ahead. I think I can take it.”
50
Noah
I SHUT MY EYES, beyond pissed at myself for what I’d said. Between not eating, not being able to run all weekend, and having to actually get out of bed, I was not in the mood to deal with anyone. Amanda was only being pushy for my own good, and the fact that she was actually giving a shit after what I had done to her was a miracle in itself. And I’d told her to go away.
Idiot.
I watched as tears welled up in her eyes. She shook her head in disbelief of my words and then stood. I hung my head, hearing her footsteps disappear in the opposite direction of her desk, and knew going after her was the only option.
“Fuck,” I said to myself, moving faster than I had in days to keep up with her. “Amanda!” I yelled once she walked out of the building.
When I followed her outside, a wall of cold hit me right in the face. She finally stopped short of the closest parking garage, then turned to look at me. Tears streamed down her cheeks, and she hugged her middle, only covered by a long-sleeved cotton shirt.
I walked up to her and wrapped my arms around her, relishing the touch. She smelled so familiar, so good, and for a second, my mood spiked. As she cried on my shoulder, shaking, I kissed the top of her head.
“I made an appointment with my therapist here in the States,” I told her. “I’ll see them today. I thought you might want to know that.”
“I didn’t know you had one here,” she said, backing up and looking at me. Her breath crystallized in front of her, and I pulled her closer again to keep her warm.
“I have to get my meds somehow.”
I’d only seen the therapist once since moving back, but it was time to see them more often if my brain was going to do deep dives on me. Despite holding Amanda, I didn’t feel much, and that scared me. I knew I loved her, but I wasn’t capable of feeling it through the haze of depression.
“I’m happy for you,” she said, squeezing me tighter. “I know you said you needed space, but this has been a really bad morning. I feel like someone just ripped away my future.”
“It’s bullshit,” I agreed, remembering that she’d been robbed of the position she’d wanted for so long. “You should transfer departments, so you don’t have to be around him.”
Amanda shrugged and stood back again, her eyes swollen and red.
“Claude said he’s ‘working on something’,” she said, using air quotes.
A car door startled us both, and Brayden appeared, wearing a peacoat and newsboy hat. God, I hated him. He paused, noticing us, and Amanda turned her head, so he didn’t see her crying.
“Amanda,” he said in a fake sympathetic voice. He must have assumed she was upset since he approached us slowly. “Do you want to talk?”
“No,” she said sternly, still looking away from him.
While I wanted to nail the guy between the legs with a steel-toed boot, my only focus was keeping Amanda calm. The last thing she needed was to say the wrong thing in the heat of the moment and get herself in trouble.
“Hey, Murphy, could you give us a minute?” he asked, walking closer. Amanda’s jaw twitched, but she didn’t say anything.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I said for her, reaching out and grabbing her hand to show Brayden that he was interrupting something important.
She shed a tear, still not looking at him, and I squeezed her hand.
“Oh,” Brayden said, staring at our connected hands and stopping in his tracks.
The jealousy was evident on his face, and I felt another fleeting mood spike.
“I didn’t realize you two were…”
“We’re not,” Amanda finally said, pulling her hand from mine. “Butpleaseleave us alone before—”
“Hey,” I said to her, “don’t. He’s not worth it.”
