Page 56 of All of Him
“He’s alwaysthere,” I corrected her. “He’s at work, he’s working on the house with me, and he’s my only friend outside of you and Delia. He’s just everywhere. But it still feels like not enough.”
“You’re falling for Noah,” Teel said matter-of-factly. “It’s pretty obvious. You just need to keep it on the down-low. It doesn’t sound like he’s interested, and it doesn’t seem like you want a relationship.”
“I don’t,” I agreed. “I want everything with him that has to do with a relationship, except the relationship itself.”
Teel tilted her head curiously.
“You know I’m afraid of commitment. This should not be news to you.”
“I suspected”—she shrugged, treading carefully—“but I never thought you’d admit it.”
I sat back, defeated. An image of Noah in those pajama pants flashed in my mind, and I groaned, frustrated.
“Even if I wasn’t afraid of dating Noah,” I started, “and even if he felt the same way for me, it wouldn’t be as simple as it is for other people. He’s got deep-seated issues that I still haven’t gotten to the bottom of yet. And as much as I care about him, I shouldn’t be taking a leap with something I’malreadyafraid of, with someone who hasn’t told me everything.”
“Why do you think he hasn’t told you everything?” Teel pressed, stirring the ice in her drink.
I shook my head, concentrating on the odd shadows that ran along the bar floor. Something about Noah, even with all he’d shared with me, still seemed closed off. It wasn’t just a defense mechanism; it was like something that I wasn’t aware of was always on his mind, something darker than I cared to imagine.
“I’m probably just crazy,” I lied, knowing I couldn’t share with her anything regarding his mental health. “But I really don’t know how to stop this. I think I might need space from him even though that’s the last thing Iwant.”
“Take a Saturday off from helping him,” she suggested. “Tell him you need to help me with wedding stuff. He’ll understand.”
“But,” I started, knowing my argument was futile, “I’ll miss him.”
Teel downed her drink and pointed at me accusingly.
“That’s my point. You need to back off of him right now if that feeling is strengthening. I would love to see the two of you together someday, but even you can admit that it’s not good timing. Feel it out longer. I know you, Amanda. You’ll become so obsessive that you’ll push him until he’s uncomfortable around you, like he was at first. Do you really want to do that to him?”
“No,” I sighed. “He doesn’t need that.”
“So,” Teel continued, “let this superficial crush be what it is and take a weekend off. Spend some time with me, and maybe it’ll pass. If it doesn’t? Do your best to wait it out. Noah doesn’t need complications.”
“Okay,” I reluctantly agreed. “No Noah this weekend.”
30
Noah
I SPENT THE ENTIREnext weekend working on the house with Tony alone. Amanda had something going on with her sister’s wedding, but I wasn’t sure that was the whole story. She’d been a little distant at work, only talking to me when necessary. And although we didn’t text much, I had gotten nothing from her all week, which was even weirder.
She had definitely noticed what happened in my pants that morning. It had been a mistake, wearing those in front of her with no underwear—the girl was an open book when it came to compliments.
And Inevershould have touched her like that. Or let her touchme.
It felt good to be complimented though, even if it had to do with my ass. With Morgan, she had kept to herself and only shot me a few little things here and there. Amanda had already given me an entire list of features to be confident about. Unfortunately, I couldn’t control myself after seeing her in a bra. Whether she was just a friend or not, she was gorgeous. We needed to be more careful.
Claude called me into his office on Thursday, and I figured it was just to check up on how I was doing. While I was partially correct, he wanted the low-down on how helpful Amanda was.
“She’s great,” I said honestly. “I feel like it’s been an easy adjustment with her showing me the ropes.”
“Good,” Claude responded, smiling and writing some things down. “And you’ve seemed a little happier lately too. When you started here a couple of months ago, I thought you were going to kill one of us.”
“Is this a therapy session?” I asked, smirking.
“Sorry,” Claude said, correcting himself and shaking his head. “It was an observation.”
“You can thank Amanda for that too,” I admitted.
