Page 45 of All of Him
“I mean, that’s your reputation,” he said nonchalantly. “If you don’t want me to buy you dinner, that’s fine. But you should at least know what people think of you.”
“I didn’t know Ihada reputation,” I spat, tears stinging the backs of my eyes. “I haven’t slept with that many people…”
“You’ve slept with enough.” He laughed.
I watched, a single tear gliding down my cheek, as he slipped his shoes back on and left my room, slamming my door behind him. I fell back on my pillow, counting all the guys I’d slept with in my head.
There was Marcus, Jerry, Ben, Chris, Kyle…
I stopped when I ran out of fingers and shook my head. It couldn’t have been that many, could it? Was that a lot for someone my age? I didn’t even know.
“Fuck,” I cried to myself. “Really, Amanda?”
I hugged my knees to my chest and sobbed, embarrassed for the first time over something so serious. I was never really asked out, or never asked to hang out. Only when a new guy had moved to town did I finally make a friend.
I was the local slut. And I hadn’t even known it. While I was always awkward, I was also usually confident in who I was. I never saw a problem with casual sex as long as I was clear that it was casual and that I was safe about it. Marcus had brought to my attention something that had never even crossed my mind, and it cracked the whole empowered image I’d held of myself.
Feeling his comments deeply and taking in the realization that I had a reputation, I sank to my side and cried myself to sleep.
I had never felt so shattered.
24
Noah
SOMETHING WAS OFF WITHAmanda on Monday. She wore no makeup whatsoever, and her hair was in a knot on the top of her head. She looked absolutely adorable, but her grimace made it clear that she was in a mood. I chalked it up to drinking too much at the engagement party, but two-day hangovers didn’t seem like her thing.
“You good?” I asked her in the break room at lunch time.
She shrugged.
“You look upset.”
“That’s a compliment compared to what I was told Saturday night,” she scoffed, pressing the button on the coffee maker rapidly.
I moved closer to her, making sure she was the only one who could hear me, and rubbed her arm briefly.
“Well, I had a lot of fun on Friday, and I’d like to do that again sometime. Hang out on Saturday after your dad leaves?”
I wasn’t sure if I was rushing things with her, but she didn’t seem to mind rushing our friendship. It wasn’t like we weren’t seeing each other every day as it was.
“I’m not putting out,” she shot back, “just in case you heard that I’m a slut.”
Whoa.I raised my eyebrows as she shot me daggers.
“Amanda, I already told you it’s not like that,” I said carefully, confused. “WhathappenedSaturday? Are you okay?”
“I’m a slut,” she said nonchalantly, shrugging.
An older woman who had just walked in the breakroom stopped in her tracks, appalled. Amanda stomped out, letting the door slam behind her. I dropped my jaw, at a loss.
“She’s having a bad day,” I said to the woman. I wasn’t sure who she was, but hopefully, she wasn’t part of HR. “Please forgive her.”
“I heard nothing,” she assured me, though I wasn’t sure I trusted her.
I sighed and shook my head, then followed Amanda back to her cube.
“You’re not a slut,” I whispered to her. I sat down in her extra chair and leaned in close so that no one would hear me. “Why do you think that?” Amanda’s eyes teared up, and she shrugged before logging in to her computer.
