Page 80 of All of Him
“Oh!” She laughed. “Thatis a gem. I could not believe he was my boyfriend whenever I looked at that picture.”
I laughed with her but was interrupted by Noah walking into the room. He carried Jackson on his hip, then handed him to Morgan. The transition looked so natural, and I felt my own maternal instinct for the first time ever.
Oh, hello there. Mind holding off for a few years? Thanks.
“What are you guys laughing about?” Noah asked, eyeing up the sandwiches.
“You in your underwear,” I admitted. “We agree on something, believe it or not.”
Noah rolled his eyes and chuckled.
“Looks like you’ll have to bring me back when you visit next.”
“You assume we’ll still be friends?” Noah joked. “That’s a little presumptuous. You had to practically beg me to be your friend to begin with.” Morgan laughed out loud as I tossed a balled-up piece of tinfoil at Noah. He caught it, then stole the sandwich I’d picked out as my own.
“He might not have asked for friends, but at least he’s eating,” Morgan mumbled. “Maybe you’ll get to see that picture in real life someday, Amanda.” Noah stuck his tongue out at her, making Jackson laugh.
It was an odd scene, I had to admit. Being there with Noah, despite the other company, I felt like I knew him a little better. I got to see that he’d reallyhadsomething to leave behind—and a reason to come back. I wanted to be there when he took that second trip, holding his hand through it all.
We had only been in Ireland for twenty-four hours, but it was doing funny things to my heart. There was this guy in front of me that I wanted a forever with, without even knowing everything about him. All the while, Ididknow for sure that he was broken. Despite all of that, I still wanted every bit of him, and that was what convinced me that I needed to say something. Soon.
44
Noah
SEEING MORGAN AGAIN ANDmeeting Jackson had gone so much better than anticipated. There’d been tears in front of Morgan but only a few. Her reaction to seeing how I was doing had also given me the confidence that I was doing well. I’d fully expected to leave angry or upset. Instead, I’d be returning in a year or two, just to spend some time with my nephew.
Amanda and I dropped the car at the hotel and walked across the footbridge to the older side of Dublin again. I had every intention of making her more than a friend, and while the anxiety was overwhelming, I wanted it to be as natural as possible. For that reason, I walked close to her but kept my hands in my pockets.
“Today went phenomenally well,” she said, nudging me.
I nodded, trying not to notice every single time her arm brushed mine. “Morgan isn’t all that bad.”
“Doing a bad thing doesn’t define a person,” I responded, agreeing with her. “Did you guys have a good talk?”
“We did,” she admitted. “I got some insight on you too. Nothing too crazy, but I can tell she cared a lot.”
I wondered what Morgan had told her, though I was confident the one thing Iwasn’tready to tell Amanda was still locked away. I hadn’t told anyone about the sequence of events leading up to the day I left. She would have to find out eventually, but I wanted to test the waters with her as more than a friend first. I’d given the timing a lot of thought, and I hoped to God it wouldn’t come back to bite me.
The pub we arrived at was almost as packed as the one in Temple Bar, but not so much that we had to squeeze into a corner. Instead, we ordered some Guinness and sat in the last two chairs available. People danced to the live music—some knowing what they were doing, but most were just doing what they thought looked right. I laughed at a drunk guy’s attempt at Irish dancing and shook my head.
“Can you do that?” Amanda asked.
“No!” I laughed. “I lived here for a few years; I wasn’t born here. And even so, not everyone knows how.”
“Just a question,” Amanda defended. “How are you feeling?”
I turned to look at her, aware of the size of the smile that covered my face. It must have been contagious since she smiled right back at me, glowing.
“I’m in Ireland with my best friend,” I said sincerely. “The worst is behind me. I’m great.”
Amanda bit her lip and tapped her glass to mine, starting something between us without even knowing it. I wanted to lean in right there, to drop my beer and pull her into my arms, but her attention darted to commotion behind me.
I turned to see the band starting up with a new set, making people gather in the center of the bar again. Most danced like idiots, but I felt the desire to be one of those idiots in that slice of time. I grabbed both unfinished beers and set them on the bar before taking Amanda’s hand in mine, dragging her to the crowd.
“Noah!” She laughed as I spun her around. “I never thought of you to be a dancer!”
“I’m just really happy!” I yelled back over the music, feeling more life within me than I had in years.
