Page 104 of All of Him
“I love you, Amanda,” he pushed, still smiling with every bit of his expression.
“And I. Love. You,” I finished, allowing him to let the air out of his lungs. “Every last bit of you.”
58
Noah
MY BACK ACHED FROMleaning against the siding of the house, but I didn’t dare move. Amanda sat between my legs, my arms wrapped around her, as we waited patiently for the first sunrise I’d ever see from my front porch.Ourfront porch.
Holy shit.
The sky lightened slowly, the tree line becoming less of a black mass and more of a dark green shadow in the distance. It was symbolic, watching the start of a day while celebrating the start of a chapter with her. My girl.
My. Freaking. Girl.
I tucked my head down, kissing the side of her head and waking her from her brief slumber to watch the day come alive with me. I’d promised I wouldn’t let her miss it. Once she squeezed my hands in front of her and pressed her back further into my chest, I leaned my head back against the house, smiling so wide that I had to bite my lower lip before I pulled a muscle in my face.
The wedding had been a blast. I had more fun than I’d thought I was capable of, and not a single person said a word about what I’d done to Amanda. That hadn’t erased the guilt, how much I’d made her cry over the previous months. But I wasn’t going to give up the opportunity to be by her side for as long as she’d have me.
Teel and I had an understanding, sealed by one or two Jameson shots the night before but genuine nonetheless. Tony offered a few words as well, thankfully unaware of what had transpired between his daughter and me. I’d assured him that I wasn’t going anywhere, that I’d be there for her as long as she needed me. And that I’d love her with everything I had.
With the strength she gave me? I could love her for as many years as the sun burned hot. And then some.
That girl had saved my life—literally. I owed her the world, but at the same time, I felt no obligation. Iwantedto give her the world. No pressure weighed on me to do so.
“Is it time?” Amanda asked, leaning her head back into my shoulder.
“Looks like it,” I whispered, kissing her cheek.
I pulled her tighter, my eyes focused on the landscape as the increasing light provided color. The dew shone on the grass as it became greener, the cicadas a symphony for the official start of my new beginning.Ournew beginning.
“Can I ask you something that I’ve always been afraid to ask?” she asked, her voice groggy from a long night.
“Anything,” I responded, realizing how ironic that was, considering the amount of inappropriate questions she’d asked me when we first met. I smirked, remembering our awkward encounters, and loosened the grip on her hands to run my fingers along hers.
“Ready?”
I felt her shift between my legs as she turned her head just enough to shoot me a sincere look. I nodded.
“What was Garrett like?”
I looked back at her, squeezing her hands tightly with my own, and leaned my chin on her shoulder. My eyes caught a tiny bird landing in a tree that had been so much smaller when Garrett and I were kids.
I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply.
“He was a huge pain in the ass,” I admitted, smiling and opening my eyes, but unable to make eye contact just yet. “He was loud and frustrating, and he could drink like it was nobody’s business.” I paused, watching the bird settle on a branch, then glanced at Amanda.
She pulled our hands to her lips, kissed them, then waited patiently for me to continue. I looked back at the lawn as the pale yellow light shot rays across it in bright patches. I’d found one of those bright patches in my own life. And I was going to take advantage of that.
“He was also the most genuine person I’ve ever met,” I continued, feeling the tears make their way to my eyes. “He did anything and everything for the people he cared about. He loved with everything he had in him, including people he barely knew. He held people responsible for their actions too. He would have crucified me for the way I’ve handled his death.”
Amanda tucked her face into my neck, trying to comfort me, but I was on a roll.
“Garrett Murphy would have loved you so much,” I continued, my voice distorted from oncoming tears. “Not just because I love you, but also because of how amazing you are. God, I wish you could have met him.”
I took a deep breath, letting out a shaky exhale as my cheeks became saturated. I tucked my head down to Amanda’s shoulder again, reveling in the feeling of her hand running through my hair. It was the first time I’d talked so much about my brother since the day he had died.
And she knew it.
