Page 82 of Reign of the Queen
I peel myself away from his embrace. "You'd better go shower; my grandmother will be here soon, and I'm pretty sure you don't want to meet her naked." I walk away into my closet and look for clothing to change into that is both comfy and won't raise my grandmother's wrath. I would prefer my grandmother not to catch me looking like this, half naked and teetering with self-doubt. I need to show strength if I am going to convince her to spare them, at least for now.
It's time to put on battle armor, Mia.War is apparently coming to the door. It's too bad; so many of my enemies are already within my gates. I have to remember to be more cautious now. There are secrets here that I would prefer they stayed unaware of until I'm ready to play that move on the board.
Mia disappears upstairs with Theo in tow, and I try to calm the jealousy that races through my body. This is not the time for this shit. She's here putting herself at risk to help us, and I'm thinking about how Theo's already had her once and how I would do anything for a taste. Something's fucking wrong with me. How can I be this pathetic over a girl? My brain answers me back instantly.Mia's not just any girl.
I'm unsure if she's just not that into me or if we just don't have the same connection and chemistry she seems to have with Theo and Finn. Carter seems to be struggling with her reaction to him too. I know she's attracted to each of us, but it's different when I watch her with Theo. It's like he gets deep under her skin, just out of reach of the rest of us, and with Finn, it's like they have this instant comfortable connection. Almost like they have known each other for years.
I wander around her living space. It's beautiful, expensive, and sophisticated, exactly what I would expect of a Stratford princess. Almost like you're visiting a luxury retreat rather than a home for only two women. I don't see any of Mia's personality here, but maybe like many wealthy families, someone else designed it for her to live in.
I step onto the outdoor back porch area with its surreal views of the Atlantic Ocean, opening the door, and stepping out onto the covered porch. I'm careful to remain in the shadows and out of prying eyes. Though the property is vast, you never know who might be watching with a drone or something. I wouldn't put it past Theo's dad for sure.
The smell of the ocean calls to me; it’s always had a calming effect on my nerves. I spent so much time on the beach as a child and in the ocean alone. I still try to get out in the waters of the Atlantic as much as possible with everything that is always going on with us kings. The cooling waves, the sound of the ocean and the fresh clean smell calls to my soul, bringing me a peace I just can’t reach on land.
Out there I am one with the water, no one to let me down or vice versa, just peace. I'm the only one out of the four of us that spends real time in the ocean surfing, despite all of us growing up here so close to it. The other three are more into dirt bikes, racing, and football, but if there's a body of water, I'm at my happiest. I often wonder if I was born as the wrong species, I should have been a fish and not some land mammal.
I look back through the doorway and see that Finn has passed out on one of Mia's sofas. He looks exhausted and overwhelmed, a grimace across his face even in sleep. We all are, not knowing if Carter's going to be okay. I have never felt fear like I did as they loaded him onto the ambulance and his body began to seize on the stretcher. Just the thought makes my chest tighten and my breath refuse to leave my lungs.
Now we're hiding out here in Mia's house with her grandmother about to descend on us, I can't deny that worries me. She sounds like she's likely to murder us for putting Mia at risk with Vincent. If Mia’s grandmother even knows a little of the shit, we've been doing to Mia, then fuck we’re dead men, no need to worry about Mack & Vincent killing us.
I turn back to the ocean and take a deep breath, letting it exhale from my chest and trying to relax my whole body. I hear a noise behind me and turn to see Mia coming out to the porch. She looks beautiful in black joggers and a dark red long sleeve fitted top. She's pulled her beautiful thick hair up in one of her messy buns, her face is still bare of makeup, and my girl's barefoot. I like her best like this, when she's just relaxed and comfortable in her skin. She's the most beautiful creature I've ever seen. She calls to a part of me that longs to hold her.
She moves in my direction, her face and posture relaxed, a little smile gracing her beautiful face. When she reaches me, she takes my hand and pulls me to the side where some lounge chairs are set up. She lies down on one, taking me down with her into the same chair. I wrap my arms around her, breathing in her vanilla scent, the sound and smell of the ocean in the background. This is heaven, being around her, holding her. Everything about Mia has me upside down. Girls in the past have just been pleasant distractions from the bullshit, privileged life I have. Mia is different, though. Everything inside me fears I am not good enough or strong enough to be with her.
"You okay, Mateo?" she asks, trailing her fingers down my arm to my wrists and back in the other direction.
I lean into her body, pulling her closer until every part of her touches a part of me. "I am now," I whisper.
"He's going to be okay." She watches the ocean waves, as her body melts closer into mine, her warmth searing into my body.
"I know... I'm just..." I trail off, raising myself on one elbow to watch her.
"Just what?" She turns her head until I look down into her beautiful, intense blue eyes.
When the old poets and storytellers talked about a beautiful woman who brought men to their knees and destroyed nations, I always thought there was no way one woman would ever be worth losing your soul for. Still, here I am staring into the eyes of the one woman I would set the world on fire to have.Guess I'm fucked then; at least I know I'm not alone. I'll have the company of the three other fuckers with me in hell.
"It could have been me. What happened to Carter could easily have been me. I'm reckless with drugs. I'll smoke and snort anything, drink anything to get the hell out of my head and out of my skin." I let a deep sigh escape my chest at the confession of how messed up I really am.
She stares back at me. "Have you ever wanted to hurt yourself, Mateo?"
I watch her beautiful lips move, reaching up to trail my hand softly down her face and cup her cheek. "Not now, but when I was younger. I struggled and was stuck inside my head. I...I was alone a lot and couldn't understand why no one wanted me around." My voice thickens, my throat wanting to close up on me.
The thoughts that are a revolving door in my head try to make an appearance. Why my parents never seemed to want me around, how they couldn’t be bothered to even check on me. Leaving me alone for weeks at a time with only the housekeeper checking in on me every few days. The conversations I’ve overheard where my dad throws in my mom’s face that she shouldn’t have had me. That I’m a waste of space and money. I shake my head, trying to clear those thoughts before I start spiraling down the dark hole I often find myself in.
"Did you try to hurt yourself recently, Mateo?" she asks in a whisper, her eyes filled with concern and compassion.
I know better than to answer that question, she might be looking for ammunition, and with the answer, she'll have some against me. We've tried to back her into a corner, especially with the threats to Raegan and her sister to control her. None of it's really worked, though; this queen will not be owned.
After watching Carter almost die in our arms and not being able to do anything to stop it, I no longer give a fuck about the power of being a king of Casbury. Being a king wouldn't have prevented Carter from dying or his dad from taking him. The only thing stopping that is the girl lying next to me with eyes like an ocean, ones I would happily drown in.
"Mateo, there are resources available to help with whatever you're feeling or struggling with. It doesn't mean you're weak and you're not alone. I'm here with you. We are all here with you." Her head tips back, the beautiful column of her swan-like neck exposed. "Mateo, some of the strongest people are walking around broken."
Her words reach inside the dark empty cavern of my heart, warming me with her concern and sympathy. Other than the guys I have never had anyone give a shit about me. No one checks to see if my mental headspace is alright other than Theo. Theo tries to help where he can but even he doesn’t understand all the messed-up thoughts I have. My parents only concern this morning was that the police chief was sniffing around the house, not that I was fucked up and couldn’t drive home or that I was out with some random chick.
Mia, with just her words, helps to break through some of the shadows that plague me. I have always felt so broken, so unwanted and unneeded. Mia lights a fire inside of me with her warmth, the ember sparking and growing. She makes me believe that I am not as permanently broken as I have always believed. Hope is a dangerous thing to someone like me, and I plan to grab it with both hands and not let go.
Staring down at her, I realize I could really fall for this girl, she could become my whole world and with it, she would have the power to do the one thing my parents never could, completely wreck me.
Why? Why is she being so sympathetic? Why the sudden interest in my emotions and mental health? Is it genuine concern? Does she feel for me even a fraction of what I feel for her?
