Page 27 of Crucified By the Dark
The sun was getting low in the sky, and everything was bathed in dark shades of pink and orange. Jeremy didn’t see Dean, so he rubbed out the tight muscles in his lower back and walked to the other side of the large country home. It was a gorgeous spot and exactly the kind of location he could see himself living in someday. He was about to give up and walk around to the front of the property, figuring that Dean had gone to the truck when he spotted movement down by the water. There was a large pond down a long sloping hill at the back of the property where the owners had set up a dock and boat. Dean stood at the end of the dock, staring at the sunset.
Making his way down the hill, Jeremy stopped at the bottom. Dean didn’t turn to look at him, which was so not like Dean. He would’ve sworn the guy had supersonic hearing.
“Hey, Dean, you all good?”
Dean’s shoulders jerked like he’d just been shot.
“Yeah, all good. Just watching the sun go down.”
Jeremy stepped up onto the dock and slowly walked to the end to stand beside Dean. At one time, he was terrified of this man. No amount of money could’ve ever made him come to work for him, that was for sure. It was funny how a few years made a big difference in perspective. Now Jeremy didn’t see Dean as the monster dressed in black who hung him upside down over the side of a building. Instead, he saw him as a man, a friend, as family. He was the person who had given him a second lease on life.
“Can I ask what you’re thinking about?”
“Those we lost. Time is a funny thing. In the same breath of air, I’m thankful for my life with Yasmine and my children, the work I do, and the friends I’ve made.” Dean turned his head, and as their eyes met, he knew that Dean meant him. “But there are days when I hate that I survived. I hate that pain still grips me when I least expect it and how those who died will never be honored as they should. They died to save the lives of people they’d never met. Politicians and staff were ordered to pretend our unit and what happened never existed.”
This was the most he’d ever heard Dean talk about his past in the army, and he didn’t dare move for fear he’d stop.
“So much loss, so many screaming voices….” Dean’s voice trailed off. “I’m haunted by the knowledge that I lived, and before you say anything, I know that I shouldn’t, and living my best life allows what they died for to be meaningful. I get all of that, and I tell Yazzy the same thing when she thinks about her sister, but it never makes it any better.”
“What were they like? Those you lost?”
Dean smiled, and it lit up his whole face. “Mel, she was a ball of fire. You want to talk about a woman who made the men sit up and take notice of a woman in charge. It was her. Ringo…,” Dean laughed. “Damn, that fucker could sing and would give you the shirt off his back, even if he had nothing left to give. Scooter was the quietest of the bunch but always looked out for everyone else. How he put up with Arek as a best friend was beyond me.”
Jeremy smiled.
“Jimmy missed his calling as a stand-up comedian, and even with the worst shit going on around us, he would find a way to make us all smile. Perez and I met not long after I got assigned to my unit, and we became fast friends. He came from a terrible family like I had, and we just got one another, didn’t have to say a word. He was scared that day. He was scared that he was going to die like it was a sixth sense, and I watched him get torn in half. I held him as he took his last breaths.”
Jeremy’s smile fell. He had no idea what to say to that. What did you say to something like that? “Sorry” seemed so lame. He suddenly felt horrible for ever thinking that Dean was a cold-hearted monster.
“There were a lot of people I didn’t know who died too, but I think the hardest to watch was….” Dean stopped as his phone rang and dug it out of his pocket. Before Dean ever answered the phone, Jeremy knew that it was Yasmine by the smile that spread across Dean’s face.
“Hello, my beautiful wife,” Dean said as he turned and walked away.
Jeremy stood there and watched the sun as it finally dipped behind the far trees and plunged the world into night. He couldn’t imagine what it would’ve been like to feel so isolated and cut off as you struggled to survive such a harsh climate while your friends were dying around you. Jeremy rubbed at his arms as a chill traveled down his spine like the dead were trying to let him know they were still there. He looked over his shoulder, but no one was there. Jeremy couldn’t help wondering who Morry had lost and what had happened. Maybe she hadn’t been as closed off, just like Dean, until the world decided to try and destroy her.
Jeremy was rounding the last curve in the trail when he spotted Morry sitting on a bench alone. That was normal for her, so it didn’t seem out of place, but for whatever reason, he noticed the difference that he hadn’t understood before. He knew she needed to be tough as a woman in charge of a motorcycle club, but she separated herself to keep control. The club needed to see Morry as the lone top alpha. Never glimpsing her fears or vulnerability. Morry was an island among a sea of sharks just waiting for her to fail. She was strong enough that she wouldn’t, but she was always on guard for the next attack, no matter where it came from.
Parking himself down beside her, she handed over a coffee, and he smirked. It was so like Morry to do something nice, even when he didn’t deserve it.
“I’m sorry I pushed so hard.” He rubbed at the back of his neck. “I just really don’t want things to go back to how they were before last night, and I know you’ll try to put us back in that box.”
She took a deep breath and then sipped her coffee before turning to look over at him. “Jeremy, this is what I know. I know that despite you now being very much a man, you’re still young and in your prime. You have your whole life ahead of you to travel the world, fall in love, finish school and become whatever you want.”
She placed and hand on her chest. “And I want all those things for you. Yes, one day, I want to hand the club over to you, but in the meantime, you should live your life carefree without the baggage I carry. So when you tell me to give us a chance….” Morry took a breath. “There is no future for me without my son, the club, the rehabilitation center, the ghosts of my past, and all the other crap I deal with. Right now, at this moment, my life, for whatever reason, seems cool to you, and that’s great. I’m happy to do the friends-with-benefits thing. But where doesmoreleave me and all the emotions that are sure to form when you’re ready to experience the world and all it has to offer, and I’m still here?” She turned her eyes to the Hummer, and her shoulders slumped slightly.
He itched to touch her, but with the group so close, he didn’t dare. She would swat him away faster than a fly.
“I don’t want those things, Morry.”
“Not right this moment, but you may.”
“I may want a lot of things. I may decide to become a Tibetan monk or join a circus, and you could decide to leave the club behind and start your life over somewhere else. We could all be hit by an asteroid tomorrow and go the way of the dinosaurs. I know we can’t waste our time worrying about what might happen. Somewhere along the way, the line between us blurred, and I know you felt it before last night.”
Morry stood. “Just because I felt it doesn’t make it right.”
“Okay, enough of that.” He stood and faced her, and the air became so tense around them that it felt like they were in their own world. “I’m no longer the guy who was dragged through your gates with an ultimatum hanging over his head. I’m my own man, and I may thank you for what you did to help me, but I don’t need you to rescue me anymore. I don’t need you to hold my hand from the monsters and I certainly don’t need you to act like you need to parent me.
Stepping in closer, he stared down into her eyes and loved that she didn’t step away. He lowered his voice. “Not only that, but you don’t get to tell me how I feel or what I want.”
