Page 7 of Crucified By the Dark
“Unbearable?” she slipped onto the bed to sit with him.
He thought about the question and assessed his body.
“No, better, for now,” he answered, feeling like the pain had dropped from a ten to a seven.
“Do you mind if I go get a coffee then,” Morry asked, and his hand tightened on hers as a thread of panic slithered up his spine. “You’ll come back?”
“I’ve got nowhere else to be and nothing but time on my hands. I will, I promise.” She slowly stood, and his eyes flicked to where their hands were joined.
Why did it feel so difficult to let go? He barely knew her, but his mind wanted to hang on with both hands like she was the lone rock in the middle of the ocean. Morry waited quietly until he finally let go. She moved her hand quickly, but not before he saw the indents and bruising from where he’d been squeezing.
“I’ll be back. Try to get a little more rest, and then we’ll take these restraints off.”
She walked to the door, and he called out to her. “Morry?”
“Yeah, Jeremy?”
“Thank you,” was all he could bring himself to say, and he turned his face away as the tears began to flow. The regret he was suppressing since the end of his junior year clawed its way to the surface and made him want to get high again to keep the emotions away.
“I wouldn’t thank me yet. I’m sure you’ll hate me soon enough,” Morry said before the door clicked closed.
Present Day
Jeremy stared at the clock on the wall, his eyes following the second hand as it made its way slowly around. It reminded him of the ones in the classrooms back in school. He looked around. Then again this was an old school so that made sense.
He’d spent many an hour staring at a clock just like this, a plain white face with simple black hands. Way too many hours watching his life tick on and feeling like he was standing still and falling behind at the same time.
He didn’t dare move. Glancing at his left shoulder, he stared at the top of Morry’s head as she slept. Her hand had moved and was now resting on his leg. He felt the heat through the fabric of his jeans. Moments like this were rare. Morry wasn’t the type to let her guard down at any time, but they were pushing it hard on this trip, and he saw her pacing at night as she worried about everyone and everything.
That took him a long time to learn when he first arrived at The Grim Legion’s rehab facility. Morry was tough as nails and acted like she’d eat you alive if you stepped out of line, but the reality was that she loved and worried about every single person under her care. Whether they were part of the motorcycle gang, were in the rehab facility, or her friends from her former life in the army, it didn’t matter. She was all in on every single person. She poured every ounce of her energy into whoever crossed the threshold of her gates. It was also the first reason he fell in love with her.
The comment he made earlier about Judd was a cheap shot. The sex noises were real, but it wasn’t because of Morry. It was because Judd was a slut who slept with multiple sweetbutts a night. He felt bad about it, but he couldn’t break through Morry’s barriers, and it was driving him mad.
Morry never saw his affection and interest in her. If she did, she never acknowledged it. He couldn’t even remember when his feelings shifted. One moment, he couldn’t stand being in the same room with her, terrified to be left alone. The next, he was panting after her heels, begging her to notice him as more than the fuck up and addict who’d been dropped off on her doorstep like a dog at the pound.
He lightly ran his finger over her hand. He shuddered with just that little touch. Jeremy clearly remembered how many times she held his hand all through the night as he suffered through withdrawals and again when the night terrors woke him up, screaming and begging to take something. He’d shamefully stared into her eyes and asked her to end him or give him something because he couldn’t deal with the pain and the demons of everything he’d done.
All that mushed into a single event, like a distant memory and like it just happened yesterday. Jeremy was a far cry from that guy who first arrived, but no matter what he did, he couldn’t get Morry to see him as anything more. Maybe the issue was compounded because of his parents. He’d tried to mend fences, and visited a couple of times, but his father would barely speak to him, and his mother only made it awkward by the over-the-top enthusiasm. It was like she was trying to be fake happy for both of them.
That wasn’t a hundred percent true. Morry gave him back his freedom, and he worked his way up the ranks. Volunteered to help in the clinic or on the bikes when he wasn’t visiting Dean, and most importantly, he remained clean. She helped get him clean, but now he stayed clean for himself and that alone felt like a huge accomplishment.
He was taking online medical courses. Jeremy wasn’t sure what path he wanted yet, but even some training to better help in the clinic seemed like a good idea. Although, he may have bitten off a little more than he could chew by adding the mechanic course on top of the first-year medical one.
Still, that only garnered a smile and a “great choice” from her. So, his next move was to shamefully flaunt his body in front of her. He looked like a man now with the solid fifty pounds of muscle he had put on. Jeremy spent hours honing his shoulders, abs, and legs. Yet, she was oblivious to his blatant efforts to get her attention.
The first time he realized that she slept with Judd from time to time, he was tempted to slit the man’s throat in his sleep. He was so angry.
Taking a risk, he flipped his hand over, palm up, and held his breath as he slipped it under Morry’s. She mumbled something, and he froze, but she didn’t stir, so he slowly linked their hands together.
This felt right. It was how it was supposed to be all the time. Fucking Judd. Man, he hated that guy, not because he’d gotten to fuck Morry, who he didn’t deserve. No, he hated Judd because the guy picked on him from the moment he arrived. Judd was a bully. Not enough that you would say he was mean, just enough to be a fucking prick and make you want to break his nose. Judd also held seniority in the clubhouse, which meant any new sweetbutt Morry approved to work in the club, he got first. He got to choose what jobs he wanted to do and he got to choose which runs he’d have to go on. What that boiled down to was Jeremy always go the shit jobs no matter what, unless Morry requested him. Judd also strutted around the property like he was king shit.
The only redeeming quality Judd had was loyalty. Jeremy could see that Judd would lay down his life for Morry and all the other guys didn’t dare say a thing negative about her. So, as much as Jeremy hated the guy and his big fucking mouth and his cock—which he was tempted to cut off—he couldn’t deny that Judd being second-in-command was a smart move.
Was it wrong that he’d fallen in love with Morry? Some would say yes. She was twelve years his senior. Morry got him clean, so she was the closest he had to a sponsor. She had a son who was now fourteen and an ex who was a fucking piece of shit. Ran an illegal motorcycle gang and was a member of the same organization that Dean was part of—they were basically assassins. To say she came with baggage, drama, and constant danger would be an understatement, but he didn’t care.
She found assholes no one else could or was scared to face and took them out like the fucking trash they were. It was super fucking sexy. He spent way too many nights jerking off to that very image. Jeremy always knew when she was heading out for a Righteous job. She wore an all-black, skin-tight leather outfit, with weapons strapped to her body like she was the fucking Terminator. Italwayshad him hard for days. She rarely spoke to anyone about where she was going, except for the few occasions when she took Judd and a handful of the guys. That always burned his ass. Watching Judd leave with her as her most trusted. Hell to the fuck no. He’d made it his singular mission to change that.
Whenever she returned from one of the Righteous missions, Morry acted like it was just another day of business. He could admit he held her on a pedestal, but again, he didn’t fucking care. She deserved better than the shit he’d already seen her deal with, let alone all the crap she wouldn’t talk about.
