Page 76 of Commanding Flame and Shield
“I don’t believe our God is one to forsake his children. He wouldn’t abandon them.”
“Are you sure about that? Doesn’t it feel like Evil has stopped hiding? Each time we leave Grayshell, it feels more prominent. Demons in the eyes of their politicians, reading their news. Crawlers roaming the shadows during thedaylight—attacking our souls at high noon. My visions have repeatedly shown signs of a coming famine and war. And...crushing walls. I can’t stop thinking about it.” She closed the book in her lap and locked her eyes on Aren. He turned his face to the fire, chewing over all they’d seen together.
Silence hung like a suffocating fog for a long moment. Lana looked like she might chew a hole through her lip, and if Ansel could wield fire like my sire, there would have been an eruption on the rug he was staring daggers at. After a long while, Aren took a heaving breath and brought his eyes back to his second.
“It’s not what He ever intended for them. Their free will damns them daily. They have turned from God, not the other way around. It’s their own will, their own selfishness, their own deceit. We can pray. I believe we can meddle where we’re able, to steer them the right direction, guard them when we can. But that’s as far as our arsenal goes.”
The little stress v appeared between Alvara’s dark brows, and it was her turn to stare into the fire, eyes narrowed. Her anger and distress grew palpable as she wiped her palms across her lap. After another eternity of heavy silence, Aren cocked his head towards her.
“Speak, soldier.”
“Why do we bother? After all this time, why do we continue to bother with them? They’ve made this mess—why do we keep trying to clean it up? They don’t deserve the Grace they’re given.”
“Careful, Ally, you sound like our uncle.” Alec’s tone was serious, but a smile played in his eyes.
“Uncle?” I interrupted the retort I saw teetering on her lips.
“Lucifer led the fallen angels. In theory, our ancestors. We are as much his kin as God's. Just as flawed. Just as selfish,” Alec’s calm was impenetrable, his tone matter of fact.
“I’ve never hesitated to defend them with my body, mind, or very soul, have I?” Alvara crossed her arms, chin raised in defiance. But her eyes were glistening, giving her away. I knew that her gifts allowed her to feel more of what her mortal counterparts felt than the rest of us could. Only I could possibly be more in tune, given how recently I had been one of them. I could feel the pain radiate from her bones, as her mind raced through memories of their plight. I wanted to reach out to her, but forced my hands to stay where they were, gripping the armchair.
“And we know you will continue to, even though you question the calling. Which is what makes you who you are, Ally. You question his plans, but you still act in faith. You hurt, and ache, and don't understand, and serve humanity with everything you have, despite it.” For a moment, she locked gazes with Aren, and then pursed her lips and turned back to the fire.
“So, for the rest of time, we will continue to fall on blades defending creatures too broken to defend themselves.”
“Until Christ himself calls them home.”
“What of us?” I interrupted. “What happens to us, when the humans go home?”
“As half humans, we pray that includes us. But we don’t actually know.” Aren didn’t show any sign of distress in his face. The open way he held his body seemed to say ‘it is what it is’. For the first time, I could see the years behind his pale blue eyes. The millennia of wisdom there, somehow rose to the surface. His playful demeanor usually made him feel young, despite his age. His honesty seemed to make the years visible.
Another long, weighted pause.
“Does the order to stand down have to do with him?” Ansel jerked his head in my direction, and all eyes fell onto Aren again.
“My intuition says that August is here to prepare us for the battle to come. We are to awaken him. Perhaps we are conserving our energy and our resources in the meantime.”
One by one, all eyes fell on me. I shook my head. “I don’t understand any of this.”
“Which leads us to believe that Sarah is right about the block in your memories. We should prioritize triggering that until it gets out of your way.”
“What better way to destroy the greatest spiritual weapon our kind ever had, then hiding his potential from himself?” Ansel’s low drawl somehow grated on my mind. He kept his eyes trained on me, brow furrowed in frustration. I shook my head—not feeling like a weapon. Like a gift to them. Certainly not like a bloody Commander.
“It’s quite brilliant, really. It’s what the demons do to the humans too—whisper lies long enough, and often enough that evil and apathy become all that exists.” Aren narrowed his eyes on me. “August, if you’re ready, we can start pushing you to trigger. Unfortunately, dire circumstances usually bring about the most vivid memories.”
“Like Alec, attacking Alvara.” Fae wrinkled her nose, wincing at the picture in her head. “It’s not exactly…pleasant.”
Alec grinned and shrugged, “He can handle it. He handled the Renown that night in the park.”
Ansel threw him a side eye, and Aren, eyes contemplative but lips still upturned, huffed, “Let’s not count on beginners’ luck.”
“He can handle it,” Alec repeated.
I stared down my old friend, and a part of me wondered if he was a little sick in the head. But there was a confidence in his eyes that reassured me, despite the mischievous smirk on his face.
A deep breath later, I muttered, “Whatever it takes, I guess.”
Aren mirrored the mischief in Alec’s eyes, but then a real smile crept onto his face as he locked on mine. “We start tomorrow.”
