Page 185 of Commanding Flame and Shield
My spine went ramrod straight against him as we landed on the beach. Only the reflection of moonlight illuminated the undulating surface. But August stoodinthe sand, and every muscle in my body seized.
“August I—”
“Have not felt sand beneath your toes, or the ocean on your feet in three hundred years.” I stared at him, and he gave me a gentle smile. “So, God sent you...me.”
August slowly, gingerly knelt to the sand, propping my body on his lap, and filled a hand with the soft grains. He held it up within reach, and I eyed him for a moment, earning a wink. A deep, steadying breath later, I reached a tentative finger forward, and caressed the warm, supple surface. My eyes rounded, and August grinned.
“I’ve been thinking a lot, about the bond, and how we connected after the battle.” He let the sand slide through his fingers and scooped up a palm of water. I closed my eyes, flinching in spite of myself, but dipped my fingers into the cool cup of sea. Nothing. August grinned, triumph in his eyes as he set me on my feet, and pulled me towards the tide, wading in backwards himself. The waves gently broke against our legs, and I closed my eyes, allowing my skin to devour the sensation of the warm saltwater, to lick up every inch of the immense presence still detectable through the shield. I narrowed my eyes as he gently slid his hands back down my arms, lingering on the very tips of my fingers. And then he released me. I flinched, but the might of the ocean’s memories left me unscathed. Nothing. Just internal silence, and the external rumble of the waves greeting the shore.
“How did you...piece all this together?”
“Call it a gut instinct.”
I wanted to smile, wanted to revel in the feel of this moment. But the heaviness I had wrestled with for days finally could be contained no longer. It pressed against my mind, a slithering snake made of guilt and grief, shoving its way free.
“August?” The word was hardly a whisper.
“Yeah?”
“I still need to talk to you…about…what’s been bothering me.” Shame washed over me, and I wondered if he could see the blood flush my face in the moonlight. He squeezed my hand in silent encouragement.
My lip trembled, and I sucked in a breath, trying to anchor myself in August, in the ocean against my feet…but the salt on the air became the taste ofhissweat, and the warm splash of a wave drenched my fingers in too-familiar blood.
“I…couldn’t put down Adrastos.” The hand at my side flexed, and my breathing turned harsh in a futile attempt to push away the ghost of his dark eyes and the sticky coat on my trembling fingers.
I dove for the golden dagger, throat raw with the cry tearing from it as his superior reach granted him the advantage. But as his fingers grazed the intricate hilt, the blade rattled against the earth, and in the next beat, the warm metal slid across the dirt into my hand. I rolled to my feet, barely noticing the ruby that glowed like embers against my skin. As I twirled forward in that faithful strike, shock burned in his eyes—a petrified recognition—and the blade showed me a single shattered image...
A wave collided with my thighs, rocking my balance and snapping me back to the present. I sucked down a breath. “I couldn’t finish it.”
I expected August to curse, or recoil, or lecture me about my foolishness in not gutting him like the swine he was.
But when I opened my eyes, August’s were glued on my face, studying my reaction, a soft, sad smirk carving his lips.
Gaping, I breathed, "When did you know?
"The cabin.”
And he'd said nothing. The real question was…
“How?"
He chuckled darkly, no trace of humor in the tilt of his mouth as he said, “You don’t miss. And his heart is still beating.”
Air leaked from my lungs like a punctured balloon, my shoulders falling as I flexed my fingers again. In that one pivotal moment, my fucking hesitation had destroyed everything.
“I lost us Grayshell.” The confession alone threatened to split me in two, the weight of it crippling.
August moved for me as I took a shuddering breath, his strong hands wrapping around my biceps and pulling me against him, letting me bury myself against his bare chest. “I had one fucking shot.One shotto take him out, and—” A dry sob cracked my words as I fought the burning in my eyes. The words went breathless and began to string together as my ribs constricted. “And I lost my chance, and I’m messing everything up—the visions are amess, and the horsemen are still coming, andAdrastos…”
“Ally.” His tone dripped reproach, but I couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out.
“I failed, August. Now the entire hierarchy is paying for it. Aren, you, Ansel. You’re all paying becauseI failed.” I raised a hand to wipe at the hot tear as it escaped, but August seized my wrist, before wiping it away himself. “Adrastos will stand with them, and August he’s my—”
“I know,” he interrupted. “Look at me.”
When I didn’t comply, another shuddering breath cracking through me, his fingers wrapped around my jaw, tilting me until I slid my eyes shut. “I failed.”
“I saidlookat me.”
