Page 110 of Starting Back
I leaned against the wall, letting my head fall back with a thud. I wasn’t the same guy she met at the bar, other than being so drawn to her I couldn’t fight it or stay away. After everything, she still believed if my family left Kelly Lakes, there would be nothing else keeping me here.
“I’m sorry I said that. I didn’t know it would upset her, and I thought you would have told her already.”
“This was just decided, and when we were together this weekend, it’d been a few days since we’d seen each other so we really didn’ttalkabout any—”
“I get it.” His chuckle annoyed me. “Answer me this, did you ever tell her how you feel about her?”
“Yes, from the beginning I said I wanted to be with her. She shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions so quickly.”
“So you told her you loved her?”
“Yes. I mean, not exactly, but she should know that.”
“And not exactly means no, right?” I shut my eyes at his heavy sigh. “Some people need to hear the words. Yes, I agree actions are worth more, but if you love her, you should tell her. Spell it all out so there isn’t any doubt. I knew she was it for you the second you mentioned her, but maybe she doesn’t. Don’t be a total guy, like Lona always says to me.”
Buck had said I had to fight for her, show her that she was worth it. I thought I’d done that, and that after all this time, she knew how much she meant to me, but maybe after all she’d been through, she needed the words.
Like Buck had told me from the beginning, she needed to know that she was worth fighting for.
And the second my shift was over, I was heading to her house so she’d hear it all, and I wouldn’t leave until she finally believed it.
FORTY
KRISTINA
Istared into my coffee mug, my eyes heavy, but if I tried to close them, sleep wouldn’t come. I’d tried for hours and may have drifted off for a few minutes of restless sleep before my eyes popped open.
The girls were off from school today and I had nowhere I needed to be, but tossing and turning in sheets that still smelled like Leo wasn’t conducive to sleep.
I’d been up early enough to get some chores done, but all I was able to muster the energy for was starting a pot of coffee.
There had been no mistaking the anguish in Leo’s features when he’d said I was scaring him. The feeling was mutual. My feelings for him were so palpable they were frightening.
It was already eight, and I’d been obsessing since at least four. I needed to find the motivation to do something other than mope all day.
I’d managed to pretend all was fine for my kids so many times, you’d think I’d be able to turn it on and off like a light switch. But frustration was much different from bone-deep sadness and next to impossible to mask.
Was I doing a disservice to my kids by always pretending everything was fine? It was hard to give myself permission to grieve anything when they were watching, but if Leo did leave, I wouldn’t be able to disguise the hurt in front of them or anyone.
I fixed the knot of hair on top of my head into a ponytail and headed to my basement to drown my potential sorrows in the laundry. I’d only gotten to the second step when my doorbell rang.
When I got to the door, I found Leo, still in scrubs, tapping my railing with irritated impatience.
“What are you doing here? You just got off work, you should be heading home to sleep.”
“Sleep?” He barked out a humorless laugh. “I could barely function tonight. We’re talking. I’ll sleep later.”
I lifted a shoulder and moved to the side so that he could come in, and I followed him into my living room.
“I’m sorry I distracted you at work.” I sat on the couch, wringing my hands in my lap. This was the conversation we needed to have, and I still had no clue where to begin. “That’s why I said we’d talk—”
“Later. Right. And now, it’s later.” He took a seat next to me. “I spoke to Gabe. He told me he saw you and what he said, so I think I may know why you’re upset.”
“I was just surprised you didn’t say anything.”
“That’s because we only just decided to do this, and it’s going to take us time to move them back. And they aren’t moving across the country, just to another county. My days of making my family nothing but a once-per-week phone call from thousands of miles away are behind me, which I thought you knew. I have no intentions of going anywhere.”
“That’s good. I know you want to be close to your family.”
