Page 39 of Starting Back
“When you leave, I may have a new appreciation for a lot of things.” I tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.
“What’s your favorite dessert?” she asked as she shifted on my lap, the lace of her panties rubbing across my leg with a soft scratch. My hand traveled up her thigh on pure instinct and need.
“Bizcocho Dominicano,Dominican cake. My mother always baked it for my birthday. My aunt would try, but it was never the same. Still good, though. She tried to keep things a little normal for me after…after everything. And I loved her for it.”
I draped my hand over Kristina’s nape, bringing her mouth back to mine with light kisses to distract from the sadness in her gaze.
“I don’t think I’ve ever had it.”
“It has a fruit filling and meringue icing. It’s not a heavy cake. It tastes like…”
Home and simpler times I didn’t like to think about but suddenly couldn’t stop.
“Very sweet. But I never paid enough attention to how it was made. Brownies are enough to hold me over.” I kissed her collarbone and brought her into my chest, trying to get my bearings from the storm of emotions swirling through me.
We were high on lust and great sex, and the endorphins were probably messing with our heads. It was the only explanation I could come up with that made anything close to sense. Still, when I thought of being at work, knowing she’d still be close enough to touch, my chest constricted so hard I had to clear my throat to breathe.
I’d go back to my life, and in a couple of days, she’d fly back to hers. Our time together wasn’t meant to last. Finding Kristina was like spotting a shooting star or a rainbow. You appreciated its unexpected beauty before it faded away—like it was meant to from the beginning.
Flashes of time and vacations weren’t supposed to affect daily life after they were over.
So why did nothing feel the same?
FIFTEEN
KRISTINA
Why was the thought of never seeing Leo again such a gut punch?
Friends and family had all reminded me—repeatedly—that my marriage was over long before we’d put the divorce in motion. Meaning beforeI'dstarted divorce proceedings because if I hadn’t, I’d still be dating a husband who didn’t want to treat me like his wife.
Despite how long we’d really been apart, I didn’t want anything serious for a long time—if ever again—even if I decided to go on a date with someone in the distant future.
What Leo and I were doing was fun and easy—too easy. I bared myself to him, not just with my body, but I told him secrets I hadn’t shared with anyone. But for some reason, I wanted to tell him.
I tried so hard to put up a good front when it was a lie that even I didn’t believe. When I did confide in anyone, I left certain things out on purpose, both so they wouldn’t worry about me or be disappointed in me for what I’d let continue far longer than I should have.
Our time together could still be counted in hours, but Leo made me feel beautiful and brave in a way no one else ever had.
Although it would be tough to say goodbye, I felt good about moving on with this stage of my life. Being alone was a reward not a punishment after what I went through, and I’d go home with my head held higher, even if my heart was a little heavy.
“Are you going to have time to get any sleep when you leave?” I asked as I lounged in bed with Leo, naked again with our legs entangled. If we were any closer, we’d be behind each other. I smiled at the thought before lifting my head.
“I may. It doesn’t matter. I’ve learned to function on very little sleep. I’ll probably get a couple of hours at the station between shifts.” He traced circles on my back with his finger, relaxing me enough to make my eyes flutter with each swirl over my bare skin. “Are you throwing me out?” he teased and kissed the top of my head.
“No, of course not. I just feel guilty about you having to work a double shift with no sleep because of me.”
“Being exhausted because I spent as much time with you as I could is a privilege, not a burden. And one I won’t have past today, so I’ll deal with it.”
I pushed off his chest, propping my elbow against the pillow and resting my chin on my hand, spying the ridiculous yet genuine sadness in his gaze that felt all too familiar.
“What the hell is wrong with us?”
He laughed, shaking his head as he rubbed his eyes.
“I keep asking myself that same question. Since the moment I met you, I’ve been trying to find ways not to make you leave, and yet I’m the one who’s leaving you first.”
“No one is leaving anyone. We’re more…parting ways. Going back to our old lives after a glorious vacation. Well, speaking for myself anyway.”
