Page 36 of Starting Back
“Talk to me. I think I’ve proven to be a good listener.” The corner of his mouth lifted as he motioned to the edge of the bed. “Sit for a minute.”
I plopped back onto the bed, cupping my forehead and digging my thumb and index finger into my temples.
“As I told you, I’m far from perfect. But with Colin, anything I asked or did grated on his nerves, to the point where I had to tiptoe in my own home. Wears on a person.”
“I bet” was all Leo said, his patient golden eyes disarming me enough to continue.
“No one knows all the details of what happened with Colin and me. They knew we were having problems and that we were in and out of counseling with constant short separations. My parents had thisbeautifulmarriage,” I mused as I pinched a fraying string from the blanket between my fingers. “In love until the very end, and I wanted that. I didn’t want my older daughter to have to go back and forth between us, so I held a lot in. The right thing to do would have been to just divorce, but then I wouldn’t have my Emma, and she’s the sweet little distraction we all didn’t know we needed.” Talking about Emma always made a smile run across my lips.
“It’s obvious when someone is only nice to you because they feel like they have to be. And that was Colin for many years. If I pushed anything, it was me being petty or selfish. I can only blame him to a point, as I took more than I should have for a long time. And he did try sometimes, or I think he wanted to try. But when we’d fall back into the same fights, he’d give me nothing but resentment, and then it would be that much worse.”
I lifted my head, Leo’s gaze still fixed on me as I continued.
“I almost thought we were finally getting somewhere when he asked to date me.” A laugh escaped me when I spotted the deep furrow in Leo’s brow. “Like, he lived somewhere else, but we’d go out on dates and try to rekindle whatever got us together in the first place, which at that point was pretty damn hard to remember.”
I groaned and rubbed at the back of my neck.
“It wasn’t bad. We didn’t fight. For once. But it felt less and less temporary as the months went by. Whenever I’d suggest moving back in, he’d ask why couldn’t we keep things the way they are?”
“That,” Leo started, pressing his hand to my knee and gliding his thumb back and forth over the blanket, “sounds shitty, to be honest. Stringing you along like that.”
“Felt like it. I finally said either you move back in or we stop this. He said I was pushing him again, and this was why he didn’t want to move back home because he couldn’t take it.”
I heaved out a long sigh, recounting the story I’d never told to anyone in its entirety.
“This was in a restaurant, by the way, with everyone’s necks turned toward us because he was getting loud. I got up, left a twenty on the table, and told him I was officially releasing him from the torture of being married to me. And that the next date we went on, he could bring his lawyer and I’d bring mine.”
I traced the vein along Leo’s forearm with the tip of my finger.
“Not sure if he expected that, but he didn’t follow me. Instead of being upset or disappointed, all I felt was relief. It was like running around in a circle for years and finally stopping to catch my breath. I stayed in our house, he takes the kids on weekends, but four days was above his parenting pay grade, so my mother and brother have them now.”
“No one knows any of that?”
I tilted my head from side to side.
“Some, but not as much as I just told you. My brother would kill him, and then his police chief best friend would help cover it up,” I said, a snicker slipping out. “But the girls have been hurt enough, and I just want to move on with no more arguments or trouble.” I shrugged. “I admit, this was a bit of a surprise.” I nodded to where I’d thrown my phone onto the bed. “It’s been a minute since he came at me like that.”
“You gave it right back from what I heard.” I smiled when he squeezed my knee. “You sounded pretty badass.”
“I don’t know about badass. But yes, I can go back at him now. And I’ve learned that a lot of his problems with me were his issues and not mine. But if I hadn’t met you”—I scratched my nails up and down his arm—"the inclination to book an early flight home right now would have been pretty damn strong.”
“I rocked your world, I guess.”
I burst out laughing when his brows jumped.
“That.” I gave him a slow nod. “But it’s more the little things. You were right when you said I had no idea how to accept attention or relax and have fun. It’s embarrassing that it’s so weird to me now, but you’ve made it fun to learn again.”
He picked up our joined hands and brought them to his mouth, planting a lingering kiss on the inside of my palm, his eyes holding mine.
“You shouldn’t have to relearn what should be natural to you, but I’m happy to help.”
“You’ve been teaching me all kinds of things over the past day.” I let my nails graze along the stubble on his jaw before I pushed off the bed. “Right now, I’d like to forget all that aggravation and get something to eat since I just revved up a pretty good appetite.”
I tried for an easy smile despite the residue of bad memories Colin had dredged up.
“I’ll go find a menu. I think I spotted one on the desk inside—”
I yelped when Leo dragged me back onto the bed, taking my mouth in a bruising kiss that robbed me of all thoughts and words.
