Page 196 of The Mysterious Case of the Alperton Angels
Believe whatever spin Don throws you, Mand. The Antichrist is here and I know where they are.
Amanda Bailey
Don remembers catastrophic police handling of kidnap cases in the past. Muriel McKay, Lesley Whittle. He knows the protocols and doesn’t trust them to get his son back safely. He turns to his old ties with special forces.
Amanda Bailey
When the baby was kidnapped, ads indicating where the exchange would take place had already appeared in the local paper for weeks. Set up in advance to make the whole operation smoother.
Oliver Menzies
You’re forgetting something. I was called at 4.44 a.m. every morning. Until yesterday. I waited, but the call never came. That’s my sign.
Amanda Bailey
About those calls I know who made them. I was intrigued, so I traced the electronic number weeks ago. Thought it would be funny if you carried on believing that angels were on the line. Will forward the email. You’ll laugh too, I promise. I know I did
TO:Amanda Bailey
DATE:30 July 2021
SUBJECT:Re: Mystery calls
FROM:BioCleanse Solutions Ltd
Dear Mrs Bailey,
Thank you for your email dated 27 July 2021. I am pleased to informyou that, following an investigation by our outreach team, I can confirm the persistent calls to your landline are being made by one of our decommissioned chemical toilets. Manufactured in the late nineties, this portable unit was fitted with electronics that dialled head office automatically in the event of a fault. In layman’s terms, over the past few months it has repeatedly, and at consistent intervals, attempted to call an engineer and request a service. While our systems were updated many years ago anyway, it seems this particular unit was programmed with the wrong telephone number on the production line.
We always strive to remove battery packs before sending our units to landfill. However, it seems this one was scrapped with its battery in situ. Perhaps something happened to charge it and kickstart the auto-dial system. I understand a lightning strike can do just that. Let me assure you, the battery will eventually drain and the calls stop of their own accord.
As a goodwill gesture, BioCleanse Solutions Ltd are pleased to offer you a 10% discount on the purchase or hire of any chemical toilet in our standard range, and 5% off our luxury range.
Yours sincerely,
BioCleanse Solutions Ltd
Oliver Menzies
You knew all this time and didn’t tell me?
Amanda Bailey
Oliver Menzies
Makes no difference. It’s still my sign.
Amanda Bailey
It’s a portable toilet.
Oliver Menzies
My number was programmed into that toilet in the 1990s. Now, just as the baby is about to come into its power, a lightning strike restarts the battery and I get the calls. Me, Mand. It wasn’t programmed with the wrong number. It was programmedwith the right number, that of the only being capable of saving humanity from evil: an angel in human form.
Amanda Bailey
You’re not an angel.
