Page 5 of Diamonds in the Dark
Gathering up my things, I start putting them in my purse. I stand up and take a few short steps to Mom’s grave to tell her goodbye. Without any warning, as the day has been mild with just very slight breezes, a vast gust of wind comes out of nowhere and catches my hat, lifting it from my head. I try to stop it when I feel it lift, but I am too late and the hat flies straight towards the man who is still standing a few rows away. He has been standing there almost as long as I have been here, which seems somewhat strange, but who am I to judge? I have spent the entire day here. My hat decides to land about two feet from where he is standing. I stand here like an idiot just staring at it laying on the ground. It's as if something purposely caused my hat to land in that exact place, like my hat knew exactly where it was going from the time it left my head. I need a nap, and for my imagination to calm down.
Feeling frustrated, embarrassed, and rather amused at the strangeness of the day, I start walking towards my hat. He turns slowly to look at it. He makes no effort to retrieve it, only stares at it as if it is something foreign to him. I move a little faster now seeing his response to it laying there. I worry that I have disturbed him and that is why he is looking at it like that. I feel the heat of embarrassment intensifying in my face.
When I get to where the hat decided to land, I reach down and grab it, not able to take my eyes off the man standing a mere two feet away. I mumble an apology and stand up quickly. Looking at his face this close up, I am immediately dumbfounded by how gorgeous his chocolate brown eyes are that are staring at me. It feels like they are drawing me into them as soon as I make eye contact. I cannot look away from them no matter how hard I try. I have never seen such tantalizing eyes before in my life, not to mention his sandy colored hair, with the rays of the sun glistening off it; it has a luster that I could never put into words. It's like he has a glimmer of light shining around his head. He is not too tall, but tall enough I have to look up to him. I guess he is around five feet eleven inches. I am what some people call short at five foot three inches. He looks at me with what seems like pure curiosity in his eyes. I don’t know whether to be afraid or let myself get lost in his incredible eyes. I apologize to him again for disturbing him. A flicker of what looks like confusion crosses his face, then just as quickly, he regains himself. “Not a problem,” he says with a slight smile teasing his lips.
“I’m Gwen,” I say, reaching out my hand to him. Hesitantly, he reaches out to shake my hand. I notice a couple of tattoos on his arm but cannot get a good enough look to see what they are, but they look to be remarkable works of art. When his hand touches mine, it feels like it's burning and numbing me all at the same time. I almost want to jerk my hand out of his. I have never felt anything like that from touching another person. I bring my attention back to him just in time to hear him telling me his name is Asher.
“It is a pleasure to meet you,” I say. I notice the flicker of confusion that passes over his face again, but it quickly passes.
We stand there just staring at each other. I feel ridiculous. It's like the cats got my tongue and I have forgotten how to speak. I start rambling about needing to leave, and I had really stayed longer than I had intended. It’s nervous rambling and I know it, which makes me even more humiliated. I want to run as far away from this guy as I can get at this point. I feel the heat rising again in my face from pure humiliation, making me feel hot as well as sweaty. He hasn't taken his eyes off me, and they are pulling at me like they are the opening of a portal to the unknown that I am going to be dragged into. I feel like I am going to get lost in them if I do not get away from him right this minute. I feel that slight panic course through me again, reminding me of the bizarre feelings I had just a little while earlier. I know I must get away now or his eyes are going to take me somewhere and I am not sure I want to go where they intend to take me.
“Well, I better get going. Again, it was nice meeting you,” I tell him. He says the same back, still piercing into me with those chocolate eyes.
I am finally able to turn away from him and walk back over to the bench to retrieve my things. I want to run away but I am trying to keep myself together. I don't want to make this any more embarrassing than it has already become. Glancing over my shoulder, I see he is still standing there watching me intently with that curious look in his eyes. I wave goodbye and start walking towards my car, feeling his gaze burning into my back as I walk away. There is something about this man, Asher, that intrigues me and at the same time scares the living shit out of me, and I want to know more about him if possible…
As I start driving away, I turn once more and wave goodbye. He is no longer standing by the grave he has been standing at all day. He’s now standing by my mother’s grave. He gives me a little crooked smile and waves back, and my heart gives a little jump in my chest. As I leave the cemetery, I get a slight feeling of happiness, something that I have not felt in a long time and I am finding myself fascinated by the mysterious man that I know absolutely nothing about, except his name…Asher.
Chapter 6
Asher
I watch as Gwen drives away. I have seen her here at the cemetery a few times in the past, however, I don’t believe she has ever noticed me before today. I have not put much thought into seeing her any of the other times. I have been so wrapped up in my own troubles for so long, I have not paid much attention to anything outside of the issues in my own life.
I wonder how I could not have paid more attention to her. She is stunning. I have never seen anyone as breathtaking as she is. The pleasant thing is, you can tell by the way she talks and holds herself; she has no clue just how lovely she really is. She seems to lack the confidence and vanity that you would normally see in a woman that beautiful.
I sit down on the bench that Gwen has been sitting on all day. It matches the headstone perfectly and is situated at the foot of the grave. I read the brass name against the pinkish gray marble headstone. Cynthia Annette Stone with “Cindy” centered right under the name. I assume this has to be Gwen’s mother after looking at the dates and adding it all up in my head. This woman would be about the same age as my own mother. Well, that would explain why she is here so often. I bet they were close. I sit here and try to outline what Gwen’s story could be. Is she married? Have kids maybe? I don’t know. I am not even sure why I am sitting here trying to figure it out. What does it matter? I can only be friendly to her when, and if, I ever see her again. I can’t offer her, or anyone, more than that. Why is my mind even moving in that direction? I just met her, and we didn’t even really talk. We awkwardly exchanged names and that pretty much sums it up…. “Geezus, Asher, snap the hell out of it,” I tell myself.
Looking around, I wish I could put myself in a state of mind to be able to enjoy the splendor of everything around me. I just can’t, it’s as if my soul is empty. I wonder if Gwen enjoys the beauty this place has to offer, with who I assume is her mom being buried here, or does it dull the splendor for her because it’s a damn graveyard. It has to put limitations on the amount of beauty you can take in when it is in a place like this, or at least it has for me. I could not imagine it being one of my parents buried here. I am not sure I could come and visit as often as she does, not that I wouldn't want to. I just think it would be hard. I would probably avoid coming altogether unless it was time to switch out the flowers and that makes me seem horrible, even to myself.
Gwen…I think and let thoughts of her fill my mind and consume it completely. It’s a nice distraction from my own problems. I can think of numerous questions I would like answers to. Who is she? You can tell she has been hurt. Most of the day she sat there looking off in the distance, lost in her own thoughts and writing in a notebook. But by whom was she hurt? It could be from her mom dying, but it seems like something more recent than that. I also saw her bent over the grave crying like she was pouring her heart out right there on the headstone. It hurt my soul to see that. Is she still grieving? Or is it something else entirely? Her mom, if that's who is buried here, died two years ago. Would she still come here and cry like that? I have no clue. I have never lost a parent.
My mind keeps swaying back to all that long, thick, brown hair. It looked to almost touched the waistband of her jeans. I also can’t quit thinking about her sparkling, sea green eyes that I had a tough time looking away from when she came to retrieve her hat. They felt like they were searching deep into my soul. She appeared to not have any makeup on, and her skin was so beautiful, the only flaw I could see was that she was pale, and not in a normal way. She was pale in a way that looks like she has been sick, stressed or overworked. Her pretty little button nose and her lips. Oh, to kiss them…” STOP IT ASHER!”, I scream inside my brain. I cannot have any kind of relationship with her or any other woman for that matter. It would simply be impossible to pursue something like that right now. I have too much to worry about with my family. In another time, another place, I would have been excited at the prospect of this woman. I would have maybe even chased her around a bit trying to woo her, but this is not the time. I have to focus on other things. With a huge protest, my mind quiets down about Gwen and goes to work on other things, but not without moments of interrupting thoughts of her.
Tonight, my mom is making the weekly family meal as she does every Tuesday night. She cooks most nights of the week but for as far back as I can remember, Tuesday nights have always been a special night. It was the night you knew everyone would be home to eat together and Mom always made a huge meal. It was the weekly meal where we caught up on what was going on with each member of the house. I thought about skipping it tonight, but I might go. If only to find out how my brother is doing. Of course, I know the answer to that. He is not doing well at all, but I feel the need to be around them all tonight. Something inside me is telling me to go even if I don’t want to. I get up from the bench and start walking through all the colorfully decorated graves. I can't help but think about how much time and money people spend making them look so beautiful with the flowers, wind chimes, knickknacks, and other items of love people put on them. It’s sad to think about. If we would only treat the living as good as we treat the dead, would we feel the need for all this after they pass away? Is this our way of making up for what we didn’t do when they were alive? At this point, isn’t it a little late to make it up to them? Why don’t we love the living the way we should, so that when the time comes and they pass away, we don’t feel obligated to make it up to them when it no longer matters. It's kind of depressing to think about so I allow myself to go back to thinking about Gwen… I let her stay there tucked safely in my head all the way to my parent’s house. At least with her on my mind, all the bad stuff stays in the back, and I can have a little peace of mind.
Chapter 7
Gwen
On my way home, I swing by the grocery store to get a few things that I need, like the coffee I couldn't make this morning but desperately needed. I also grab some eggs, cheese and other necessities like chips, popcorn, and soda. I can't leave Sam out, so I grab him some kitty treats. I am going to be spending quite a bit of time at home these next few weeks getting everything back in order and allowing myself time to get myself together. I might as well have some good junk food to enjoy. I also grab some cleaning supplies, a broom, and a mop because I left all that stuff at Edward’s house.
This is kind of like starting all over again. I go down each aisle making sure there isn't anything I am forgetting. I spot candles and grab five of them, all in different country scents that I love. Edward doesn’t like candles to be burned in his house. We had an argument over me burning them when I first moved in, but I gave in. It wasn't worth arguing over and he made it very clear it was his house and his rules during that argument. I think they make a house feel homey. I am excited now to get my home back together and all cleaned up. Then I can sit back, burn a candle, and enjoy my junk food! I make my way to the register with a smile on my face. I pay for my things and head out to my car.
I pull into my garage and start carrying the bags of groceries in from the back seat. I drop the groceries on the kitchen counter and start unpacking them, putting everything away. I let my thoughts wander to Asher. I don't know why I can't seem to get him out of my head. It's not like we became best friends today or that I am even likely to see him again. But here I am, thinking about him. One thing that I can't figure out is the confused look he kept giving me. I cannot, for the life of me, decipher what that was about. It keeps popping up in my mind, but I have no explanation for it. Again, I could be reading his looks wrong; I don’t know him after all. It just seemed to not fit. I don't know what he could have been confused about. I am also curious about whose grave he was standing at for so long today. He seemed heartbroken when I was watching him. He wasn't crying or anything, just seemed devastated and lost in thought as he stared at it. Maybe one of his parents, wife or a child, I don't know, but I would like to find out. There are too many questions about this mystery man, to which I do not have the answers. It’s like having a thousand-piece puzzle and having no clue where to start.
The thing that bothers me the most is the way I felt while I was there at the cemetery, the pulling and drawing of my heart and soul without any explanation at all. It was scary to be honest. I hope I wasn't having some crazy mental breakdown. I have never felt anything like it, and I believe if I ever feel it again, I may go see a doctor. I am not convinced that I didn't have some kind of breakdown with all the bullshit from yesterday and the fact that Edward won't leave me alone. I ignored my phone all day and had it on silent. Looking at it now, he's called twelve times and left nine voicemails. I also have another missed call from Becca. I need to call her back, but I am not in the mood to talk on the phone right now, especially if she wants to talk about Edward.
After putting all the groceries away, I decide I have had enough of thinking about Asher and Edward. It's time to get to work. There’s nothing I want to cook tonight for dinner, even with all the groceries I just bought. Okay, maybe I am just being lazy. I get my phone and call a Chinese restaurant. I order my favorite, General Tso’s chicken and Vegetable Lo-Mein for delivery. To my satisfaction, I don’t even have to go back out to get my food!
While I wait for my food to arrive, I make my way upstairs to change into my pajamas. These are my official work clothes now that I get to work from home, at least for the next few weeks anyway. While I eat tonight, I am going to get my work for George finished. That way I can start on getting the house cleaned up. Before going back downstairs, I grab my laundry basket of dirty clothes. I head downstairs to the laundry room, which is just a small closet looking room with louvered doors off the hallway that leads to the guest room. I sort all the laundry out into piles and come up with two loads of laundry that needs to be done. Not to mention the clothes I still need to go through from Edwards, that are still out in the garage.
The doorbell starts buzzing as I am putting laundry detergent in the washer. I drop the lid shut and jog to the door to get my food. I pay and tip the delivery guy who is speaking so fast I can't understand him. I just nod my head in agreement to whatever he is saying and take my food. After I shut the front door and lock it, I head straight to the table where my laptop is already set up to work. I sit my food down ready to dig in. The aroma coming from the containers makes my mouth water and my stomach starts begging for nourishment as it rumbles to remind me that I have not eaten at all today, except the muffin I had for breakfast. I hurry to the kitchen and grab a plate and fork, then settle down at my dining room table with a heaping plate of piping hot food. I open my laptop, log into my company email and set myself to work, doing a lot more eating than working.
I barely hear my phone as it starts ringing, being so absorbed into my work and my food, I do not think to check the caller ID before answering it.
“Hello” I somewhat bark into the phone with my mouth half full of food.
“Gwen? How are you doing sweetheart?” I hear Edward’s voice coo through the phone.
