Page 28 of Diamonds in the Dark
“Gwen, Edward was in a car accident last night and he didn't survive. He and the driver of the other vehicle were both intoxicated. Celia was with Edward, and she came out of it with only a broken leg, from what I have heard. That's all I know at this time, and I am sorry.”
I stand there with the phone to my ear. I am in shock, but I feel no sadness. None whatsoever. Am I heartless, or is it just the shock? I wonder to myself.
“Uh, George, thank you for letting me know. I don't know what to say. I didn't want him to die. I just wanted him out of my life,” I am rambling because I have no clue what to say to this news.
I feel heartless for not feeling more than I do. I spent years as his girlfriend and then his fiancée. I didn't wish terrible things on him. I did not wish anything except for him to leave me alone. I don't understand why I feel nothing. It's like he just told me about someone dying that I never knew. Maybe I never really knew Edward.
“Thank you for calling, George,” I end the call and look over at Asher.
“What's wrong? What was that about?” He asks.
I just stand there; I can't even speak. I have no words.
“Gwendolyn, talk to me! What's wrong, baby?”
“Edward is dead. There is something seriously wrong with me, Asher.”
“What are you talking about? he asks, sounding worried.
“That was my old boss, George. He was calling to let me know that Edward died last night in a car accident. He and the other driver were both intoxicated. Asher, I feel nothing. It's like I didn't even know the person, who he told me died. I have to be heartless!”
“No, Gwen, stop. He hurt you. Everything you felt for him probably died the night he tried to rape you. I know when I got the call about Carey, I felt the same way. They killed what we once felt for them with their actions, so we just become empty when it comes to them. You are not heartless. I know that, because when you look at me, I see your heart and it's beautiful just like you”.
I run into his arms and hold on to him like he's my lifeline to reality as tears run down my cheeks, not because Edward is dead, but because I am finally, totally free. He can never hurt me again. The tears running down my cheeks are tears of relief.
Chapter 21
Asher
I hold Gwen while she gets all of her emotions out. A lot of them I think she has been holding back for a while. I lead her over to the couch and cuddle her to me. I say nothing and just hold her close. I feel her body stop quaking from crying and realize she has fallen asleep. I had wanted to try to explain about myself, but for right now, I will leave her be. She didn't get to go to sleep until early this morning after our love making. I know she still has to be tired. I didn't sleep at all; I don't get tired like I used to when I was alive. I haven't slept since I have been dead. Sometimes I wish I could, just so I could escape from reality for a while. Last night I laid beside her holding her tight, enjoying just watching her sleep for a few hours before I got up and made her breakfast. What I feel for her is so much more than I ever would have thought possible. Allowing her to sleep right now also buys me a little more time to get my thoughts together. I have no clue how to explain to her that I am dead, or how she will take it. If it was me, I would run screaming. How is anyone supposed to handle finding out that the man you made love to several times and that you love isn't alive. That would be a hard blow. Then, there is the possibility that she will think I am crazy. I am scared. I don't want her to freak out, but let's be honest, what other response could there be to hearing that I am dead? My biggest fear is that I will lose her. I don't think my heart can handle that, not now after I have given into my love for her. She has come to mean so much to me in such a brief period of time that it baffles me when I think about it.
I feel a slight pain in my right temple, which is odd. It's the first time I have felt any physical pain since I died. Can I get headaches? I haven't ever thought about it before. I look down at Gwen who has slipped down and is now asleep with her head on my lap. I love her so much and to know she feels the same way about me makes me want to believe anything possible, even if I don't see any way this can work out in the end. The pain in my temple is getting worse. I wish I could take something for it, but I can't eat or drink. I'm kind of like Casper the ghost. I lay my head back on the couch and close my eyes hoping the pain will ease off. I am trying to not wake Gwen, but I need this pain to go away. After four years, why would I just now feel pain? I start feeling restless. I am trying to be still, but it's getting harder to by the second. I try readjusting my legs to see if that helps. I roll my head side to side on the back of the couch and the pain just keeps intensifying. Gwen starts waking up, when her eyes turn up to mine, it melts my heart, even with the intense pain running rampant in my head.
“Asher. What's wrong? You look pale,” she asks.
At that moment, my head explodes in pain. I think I am dying all over again. I grab my head and stifle a scream. I don't know what is going on, but the pain is blinding. I have never felt pain like this, ever. Then I hear a crackling inside my head, and I know what's wrong.
“Gwen, I need you to meet me at the hospital. When you get there, I am going to need you to tell them you are Zach's wife.” I say, trying to stay calm so she doesn't freak out. My request is odd enough and I know she's going to have a ton of questions right now that I don't have the time to answer, so I try to just give her the information she needs for the moment. My head feels like it is splitting open, and I know I don't have much time. I have to go now!
“What? Who is Zach and why am I, his wife? Asher, you are making no sense!”
“Remember I told you that I had a lot I needed to tell you? Well, this is part of it, and I am just going to need you to trust me and do what I ask. I promise I will explain it all as soon as I can. Please, Gwen, just do this for me!” Another blinding pain shoots through my head. If I wasn't already dead, I think it would kill me.
“Okay, I will do whatever you need me to do. How are you going to get to the hospital, why don’t you just ride with me? I don't understand,” she sputters.
“I am getting there my own way which is a lot faster. Gwen, please just do what I ask and trust me. I know that's a lot to ask when you and I are just getting to know each other, but please I am begging,” I say, as another explosion of pain radiates through my head.
“Zach’s last name is Abner.”
“I love you, Gwen.”
Chapter 22
Gwen
Before I can answer him, he is gone. He disappears into thin air. I look around the room confused. I feel disoriented. I have to still be asleep and dreaming all of this. There is no way that just happened. It’s not possible for someone to just up and disappear. I sit down on the couch trying to figure out if I am awake or still asleep. Should I go to the hospital and pretend to be Zach's wife? Who is Zach? Abner is Asher's last name, so it has to be someone related to him. I feel like I have lost my mind. I guess I can do what Asher asked of me, the worst thing that can happen is I look like an idiot, then it will prove I dreamed all this up in my sleep. I run upstairs and throw on some decent clothes, then run back downstairs and grab my keys. What am I doing? I keep asking myself as I start my car and head towards the hospital. How did Asher just disappear? Out of all of this, that's the part that is bothering me the most. People do not just disappear like that!
I pull into the parking lot and it's just my luck that it is full. I have to drive around for ten minutes until I happen to find a car leaving. After I am parked, I sit in the car for another few minutes trying to decide if I really want to do this or not. It still seems surreal. I hope like hell I didn't dream this all up after finding out Edward died. I pray this isn't my mind playing jokes on me. If it is, I will probably be in an insane asylum by tonight. I get out of my car and walk inside.
