Page 19 of Diamonds in the Dark
“Yeah, I am still here, just trying to think of something to do. I really didn’t think you would say yes that quickly. I didn’t have anything planned.” I say in complete embarrassment.
She laughs, “That's okay. How about we meet up at Keith’s? That’s a little deli about a five-minute walk from the base. Then we can talk and decide on a movie or something.”
“That sounds great. Thank you for saving me!” I laugh.
“No problem, see you in about an hour?” she asked.
“Yeah, okay, bye.” I said as I hung up.
I stood there wondering what I had just done but I was also excited to have the company of someone else besides the people on base. While I loved them all, sometimes I just wanted a break from “Army stuff.” It was just a night out. I decided I was just going to enjoy myself and have fun.
I look over at Gwen to see if I have put her to sleep yet. She is contentedly staring at me. We are still holding hands and I like that; it’s helping me stay grounded. I continue on with my story.
“That night we ended up talking and laughing until the deli closed and the owners kicked us out. We never made it to a movie or anywhere else for that matter. We just ordered sandwiches there and sat and talked for hours, just getting to know each other. I enjoyed our time together; it was almost magical. When we got outside, we started walking with no destination in mind. I don’t think either one of us wanted the night to end. I hadn’t connected to anyone like that before, and it astonished me, but keep in mind I had never dated either. We were both getting tired, and our talking had slowed down when she asked me back to her place. She said, “We could continue getting to know each other at my place if you would like.” and gave me a flirty smile.
I declined, using the excuse that I had to be up early the next morning, even though the next day was Sunday, and I could sleep as late as I wanted. I wasn’t ready for what I knew she had in mind that night. It was written all over her face, pure seduction. What my buddy had told me was still weighing heavy on my mind as well. Her past didn’t mean much to me. If we ended up together, then all I cared about was her future. But tonight, I wasn't going to be just another name in her book. This might make me sound like a sissy, but I was a virgin at that time, and I didn’t take it lightly. I wanted to know whoever I decided to give that to was who I was going to be with for the rest of my life. I know most men don't care about things like that, but my mother was big on teaching me and my brother morals and values growing up.
As we parted ways, I tenderly kissed her on the cheek. She smiled and said, “You are way too much of a gentleman, sir.” I smiled and replied, “As I should be.” Then, I turned and walked away, leaving her standing there with what looked like surprise on her face. I must have been the first guy to have ever turned her down for a trip back to her house. If I decided to see her again, I wanted her to know I was different. I wasn’t after sex like most men. I wanted more than a quick fling. I wanted the house on the hill with a white picket fence and maybe a few kiddos running around.
Over the next few months, we got close, and she became a part of my life. If I didn’t get to see her, I felt lost. I had fallen head over heels in love with her. There was no question about it. I never asked about her past. I didn’t want to know how many there were before me. She offered exceedingly little information about herself. I knew nothing about her life before me; her parents, her childhood, nothing. It was as if her life didn’t exist before I stepped into it. When I would ask about her parents or growing up, a dark look would come over her face like she was being tortured by horrible memories. She would quickly change the subject. I stopped asking and told myself it really wasn’t important. She was a mystery, and I gave up trying to figure it all out. I guess I thought our future started the day we met and whatever she was hiding, I could live with not knowing.
After about eight months of us dating, I proposed to her. She enthusiastically accepted. That night was the first night we made love together. I had rented a hotel room in the next town over, for the weekend. We made love, ate and made love again, with a little sleep thrown in just to keep us going. It was perfect. She was perfect for me. I loved everything about her; her smell, her cute personality, the way she challenged my mind, and even her dark mood swings that came and went at times. She made me the happiest man in the world. I never had a clue that love could feel that good. It was like being in constant ecstasy.
We had decided to wait on setting a date for the wedding. I had several training sessions coming up that would require me to be away for different periods of time. We thought we would wait until those were over. Then, we could have a small wedding and start our life without having to worry so much about how much time we had before I had to get up and leave again. We would have time to settle into our new life together as husband and wife. She understood that I would be coming and going with my career in the Army, but at least after all of these initial trainings were over, I could have a more stable life.”
I look at Gwen and she still seems content listening to me. “Hey, you want me to go on or would you like to take a break, maybe eat something?” I ask. She shakes her head refusing and replies, “Asher, please continue on. I am learning a lot about who you are from this, and I want to know more.”
Pulling at all these old memories is ripping me apart on the inside. It’s like walking through hell. I fight back the demons and continue, hoping this will help her with the things she has endured with Edward, knowing she isn’t the only one that has been wounded by love.
“Where was I? I start. ‘My first three training sessions were just a few weeks long, so it wasn’t too rough on us. In between each training, I would get us our hotel room for the weekends, the same one we made love in for the first time. It was our special place. When I was home, I would give her one hundred percent of my undivided attention. I wanted her to realize she was my life now and forever. We would hole up and pretend there was nothing in the world except for the two of us. I couldn’t wait for these weekends. I craved to be near her, just to breathe the same air as she did made me happy. She was the glue that held me together.
Finally, my last and longest training session came. It was five months long and we had decided, for sure, that when I got back, we would get married. I could not wait to become her husband. The last week before I left, we talked of nothing but being able to finally get married. I told her that while I was away, I wanted her to be planning everything and that when I got back, we would get it all done. I had hoped that with the entire planning of our wedding on her shoulders, it would help the time go faster for her while I was away. I had a nice little nest egg saved up and I wanted her to have her dream wedding. To me, anything and everything she wanted was fine by me, to see her smile was all my heart needed. The night before I left was torture. We both did nothing but cry and whisper words of affirmation to each other, until finally right before dawn she closed her eyes and fell asleep with a tear still clinging to her eyelashes. When I left her that morning, she was still sleeping. She looked like an angel. I didn’t want to wake her because neither one of us had slept worth shit. I hadn’t slept at all. When she finally fell asleep, I had laid beside her just watching her, taking mental snapshots of every aspect of her face. I kissed her goodbye, without waking her, and left a note on the nightstand proclaiming my eternal love for her and how when I got home, our life together would truly start. Then, I laid a red rose beside it that I had picked up the night before. I stood there a couple more minutes watching my world sleep. Then, I turned and walked out of the door with tears rolling down my cheeks. I had no clue how I was going to make it the next five months without her.
While I was gone, I got to call and talk to her a few times a week, the conversations were always the highlights of my week. One phone call had to get me through until the next one. If she was working or not at home when I called, it would shatter my heart. I missed her so much it hurt to breathe at times. I never would have thought it possible that you could feel that way about someone. She consumed my every thought. What was she doing? How was planning for the upcoming wedding going? Did she miss me? Was she thinking about me the way I was always thinking about her? What kind of dress was she going to pick out? I didn’t care what dress she chose. I knew she would look wonderful in anything, even if she chose to wear jeans and a T-shirt, whatever made her happy!
That was the longest five months of my life. Everyday felt like eternity. Finally, the last week came, and I got to talk to her every day. She seemed kind of distant, but I didn’t think too much about it. We had been away from each other for what seemed like forever. I figured it was just nerves because I knew I was nervous to see her again. I hoped and prayed we would be able to just pick up where we left off. The night before I was leaving to come home, she told me that when I got home, we needed to talk. That scared the living shit out of me. She refused to tell me anymore, claiming it was something she wanted to talk about in person. All the way home I stressed over what it could possibly be. Had she decided against marrying me? If that’s not it, then what could it possibly be?
I got off the plane and called her, she answered on the first ring. Meet me at our room. I told her and hung up the phone. I called the hotel to make sure the room would be ready for us. The desk clerk assured me it was available and ready. I didn’t want to wait any longer to see her or to find out what she was wanting to talk about. I had to know now. I found a vacant taxi in front of the airport and had it take me to the hotel. I didn't see her when we pulled up, so I assumed I had made it there first. She was a lot closer to it than I was when I called her. I had assumed she would make it there first. I went into the front office and paid the room fee for the entire week. I walked back out, turning towards our room and there she was standing beside the door. My heart stopped beating, and I drew in a sharp breath…. I felt alive again just looking at her.
When she saw me standing there staring at her, she ran and jumped in my arms, kissing and hugging me. This relieved a ton of stress off my heart. At least it’s not that she doesn't want to be with me anymore, I told myself. We couldn’t stop touching and smiling at each other, another good sign. The attraction was also still there, without a doubt. With my mind somewhat at peace, I unlocked the door and barely got it shut and locked before our clothes were thrown around the room and we were in each other’s arms collapsing onto the bed together, tangled around each other like two spider monkeys. After we made love and laid there staring at each other for a while, she fell fast asleep. After the long trip home and our love making, I wanted a shower before I tried to sleep.
When I got out of the shower, I was wide awake. The drowsiness I was feeling left with my shower. I sat down in the cheap plastic chair across the room from the bed and watched my future bride sleep. She was so beautiful lying there; I could not think of any place I would have rather been at that moment. I was bursting with happiness from being back here with her. She looked gorgeous and at peace in her slumber. The only difference I could tell in her appearance from when I had left five months ago was, she looked to have gained a few pounds. That didn’t bother me, it somehow made her even more beautiful to me. She was flawless in my eyes; all I saw when I looked at her was pure beauty inside and out.
After sitting there watching her sleep for about an hour, she rolled overreaching blindly for me beside her and realized I wasn’t there. She looked over at the chair. When she found me, she gave me a huge smile. “Hey, baby, why are you over there when you could be here beside me, loving me.”
I smiled back, walked over to the bed and slid back in beside her. I grabbed her into my arms and kissed her silly. When I was finished, I looked at her in those enticing fake contact eyes and asked her what it was she had wanted to talk about. She looked away, as darkness took over her entire face in a matter of seconds.
“Hey, Carey, what is it baby? What’s wrong?” I ask, feeling genuine concern.
Before I knew what was happening, tears started falling from her eyes. She wouldn’t make eye contact with me no matter how hard I tried to get her to. She brushed my hand away when I tried to turn her face towards me. She seemed to have found a place on the wall that had become her focal point. She was shaking all over. I grabbed her, but she pushed me away.
“Carey, damn it, stop! What is wrong with you? Everything was fine and now out of the blue you are doing this, baby talk to me!”
“Asher, I am pregnant,” She spit the words out like they were venom in her mouth. The way she said it made it sound like it was some kind of deadly curse to be pregnant. She still avoided making eye contact with me.
I let out a low whistle. That was not what I had expected her to say. That was in fact the furthest thing from my mind. We had been so careful, but I knew these things could still happen. We had wanted to wait until after we were married a few years before we started having kids. I sat there for a few seconds then reached for her hand.
“Well, I guess we are going to be parents,” I stated. Trying not to show how odd those words felt, coming out of my mouth. She still wouldn’t look at me. “Okay, Carey, listen, this is a shock to say the least, but it’s not the end of the world. So, we are going to have a family a little earlier than planned. It won’t be born out of wedlock; we will get married as soon as possible. Have you had much morning sickness?” My thoughts are all over the place and I am throwing out anything to get her to calm down and talk to me.
