Page 16 of Diamonds in the Dark
I find a computer that is available in the back of the room away from everyone. It’s been a while since I used one, but it all comes back to me quick enough. I type in my card number and password. Login failed flashes on the screen. I type it in one more time just to be sure I didn't make a typo. Login failed, flashes up on the screen again. I figured as much. I mean my card is probably ten years old or more, but I am now at a loss of how to get a hold of Gwen.
An older lady at the computer closest to me gets up, gathers her belongings, and walks out. I watch to make sure she's not coming back. She's headed to the front doors, so I assume she is leaving. I slip over to her spot and hope and pray she forgot to log out. Today is my lucky day because she's still logged in! At least one thing has gone right for me today.
I can only presume Gwen's last name is the same as her mother’s. She hasn't said anything about being married before and I know her parents were still married when her mom passed away. I start searching for Gwen Stone. After finding ten thousand sites that want nine dollars and ninety-nine cents for access to the information, I finally come across a public records site that lists the buying and selling of homes within the county and find what I am looking for. Gwendolyn Stone purchased her home a couple of years ago from the looks of it. I grab up one of the pieces of paper and pencil with no eraser they keep beside the computers for notes and write down her address and phone number. I’m not sure if I will use it or not, but at least having the information makes me feel better. I look at the address a second time because it seems familiar and realize that she is my brother's next-door neighbor. I wonder if they know each other. I kind of hope they don't. I log out for the lady who left the computer, so no one else can use her account, and make my way back outside.
The sun is shining bright and the breeze I was enjoying earlier has faded away. Looking down at the paper with Gwen's address and phone number on it, I wonder what I should do now. What would she think if I just showed up at her home and knocked on the door? What would I say? “Oh, I was just worried, so I searched the internet until I found your address” … I am concerned that it sounds kind of stalker-ish. That is not the impression I want to give her.
The fear that something is wrong keeps buzzing around in my head. I can't stop being worried. I don’t know Gwen enough to know if it’s like her to keep appointments or not; maybe she got tied up with family, or work. A few stolen hours with someone does not make you an expert on them, nor does it make her obligated to keep a date with me. Maybe I scared her off somehow. I don't know, but for some reason I keep having a nagging feeling something is wrong. It’s almost like someone is dropping notes into my head at the exact moment I start to think about something else to pull my thoughts back to her. It’s bizarre to me that she is in my head more than any of my other problems that existed before I even met her. There is just something that keeps drawing me to her.
I decide I am going to call her. That is more explainable than just showing up at her house uninvited. Phone numbers are easy to track down on the internet. I just want to hear her voice and know that she is okay. That should be enough to pacify me. I look around wondering where I can call her from. I don't own a cell phone. I know that seems weird this day and time. I see an elusive payphone on the corner in front of a twenty-four-hour convenience store. I can't believe I actually found a payphone, but then again, this town has always been a few years behind the times. I jog over to it hoping it still works. I pick up the receiver and hear a dial tone. Luck is definitely on my side today. I pull the paper with her information on it out of my pocket and dial the number.
After four rings I am fixing to hang up when I hear a raspy voice answer.
“Hello”she says through the phone line.
I know it's Gwen, but her voice doesn't sound right. “Hey Gwen, It’s me Asher.”
“Hello.” I hear her voice say again, I look at the receiver and wonder if there is something wrong with it. I put it back to my ear and say her name several times, but it's clear she can't hear anything I am saying.
“Look, I don’t know who this is, but if this is Edward, stop playing games and don’t call me again or Iwillcall the police. I can hear you breathing or whatever you are doing in the phone, and it is not funny.” Her voice gets more raspy and lighter sounding with each word she speaks. It sounds like she has been sick, or something is wrong with her throat.
I slam the receiver down hard, frustrated that she couldn’t hear me. “Damn it.” I breathe out in a whisper. I start walking again. I don’t know if it’s the phone not working or what, but I don’t want to trouble her again. I don’t know who Edward is, but apparently, he has been pestering her enough that she would call the police on him. I don't know why the thought of some guy messing with her makes me so mad, but I am boiling at the thought of it. I guess it's because she has such a sweet disposition. She doesn’t deserve some guy bothering her. Then again, I don't even know her that well. It's just a feeling I get when I have been with her. It's weird I have to keep reminding myself that I don't really know her, because when I am with her, it feels like we have known each other our whole lives.
As I walk on, I keep wondering if she is okay. Her voice sounded way off. I wish she could have heard me. I just need to know she's okay. I also want to know who Edward is… Is he an ex? I feel an unexpected jab of jealousy and start laughing, look here ol’ boy, she is not yours and never will be, I tell myself.
I don’t know if I knew what I was doing in my subconscious mindor not, but the next thing I know I am standing in front of her condo. I want to go to the door and knock. I just want to see her and to know she is all right, but I won’t because I don’t want her to think I am some crazy, psycho man. I will just wait and see if she comes to the cemetery sometime soon before I walk up to her door and knock. I have every intention of making sure she is okay, one way or another. She’s not going to leave my mind until I know, that’s for sure.
Chapter 14
Gwen
Asher. I keep seeing him in the shadows, but he won’t come near me. He is avoiding me for some reason, which confuses me. I call out to him. He turns around and looks at me with regret in his eyes. “Gwen, please just go away! I am not who you think I am. Please, I am begging you to just go away and leave me be.”
I beg him to talk to me for one minute, to make me understand what is wrong. None of this makes any sense to me. My heart is breaking into a million pieces. He sighs. He seems to be in a battle with his own conscience as to what he should do. Giving up his fight, he runs to me, grabs me up in his arms holding me tight, kissing me roughly, but passionately on the mouth like I am a fountain, and he is dying of thirst. I feel his tongue searching my mouth. I am like putty in his arms. I want him to take me, right here and now. I feel nothing but pure unadulterated love for this man. I am not sure how that is even possible this quick, but I don’t care. He is everything I have ever wanted and needed. His tongue continues to search every part of my mouth. My hands grab and pull at his shirt. I want it off his body, I want to feel the skin underneath. I want to feel his skin on mine. I want him. I am becoming impatient with waiting. My body is on fire, and he is the only one that can put out the flame. I need him like a baby needs its mother’s milk. He is like a drug to me, and I am addicted. I have never felt anything like this, and I know I will never feel like this again about anyone. Asher is my heart and soul. He is my other half, he completes me.
He pulls away without warning, even the small distance between us hurts, like a part of me is missing. I need the contact back or I may die inside. “Gwen, stop. I want you just as much as you want me. I love you, God, do I love you, but there are things you don’t know about me. We can never be together. There is no way possible, not in your lifetime.”
I start screaming at him and pulling at his arms. “I don’t understand! I want to understand why! Please tell me! You are killing me; without you, I cannot live!”
He sits me down on a chair that appears out of nowhere.” Gwen, I am…”
I am jolted wide awake, tears gliding down my cheeks onto my pillow, creating a big wet spot on my pillowcase. I must have been crying for a while before I woke up. What the hell did I just dream and where did that come from? I sit up in bed and I take a deep breath. There is a scent in the air that seems familiar, but I cannot place it. It’s something I have smelled recently, a cologne maybe? It smells inviting, but also leaves me feeling lonely.
Asher’s cologne is the scent lingering! The dream comes back full force, terrorizing my mind. It was so real, and all the emotions were insane. Why am I dreaming about him and in such an intense way? I wonder. I have never had a dream that felt so palpable.
Trying to push the dream out of my mind, I get up and start my morning routine. Shower, coffee, and email. It’s another damn Monday and it feels like one already. Today is the day I am turning in my two week’s notice to George. I am hoping he takes it well. I hate to do this to him, but I am also eager to see what the future holds for me once I am completely away from anything and everything “Edward” connected.
My dream about Asher replays in my head. I don’t have any idea why I dreamed about him, it seemed so realistic. I wonder if it’s because I stood him up last week. I feel bad about it. I had wanted to go see him, but I couldn’t leave the house with my neck looking like it did, and it still doesn't look all that great now. It’s still black and blue with some fading green bruising. At least my throat is feeling somewhat better after resting my voice over the weekend. I can talk a little louder now and it doesn't hurt as much, but I don’t want Asher to see me like this and I don’t want to have to answer any questions he may have about what happened to me. I am not a good liar, so I would have to tell the truth. I would rather not spoil what little time we get together with talk of Edward. Not to mention, it is embarrassing that he did this to me, not because he did it, per se, but because I once thought I loved the man that did this to me. I was actually going to marry him.
It is time to call George and break the news to him. I need to get it over with before I lose the nerve. I pick up my cordless home phone and sit down on the couch preparing myself for the conversation. I dial the number to his direct line and wait for him to answer, which is almost immediately.
“Mason and Clark Law Firm, this is George. How can I help you?”
“Hey George, this is Gwen. How are you?”
“Oh great! I am here just tying up some loose ends before me and the missus leave tonight for our vacation. I don't have much for you to do this week. I will email you a list before I leave here today with anything that I find that needs to be done while we are away. I think it will be a clear two weeks though, so just relax and enjoy your time off,” he says.
I had completely forgotten he was leaving this week on vacation with his wife. I am glad I caught him before they left.
