Page 32 of Dibs
“Did you drive here?”I asked, as Chase followed me out to the parking lot.
“Nope. Took a rideshare.”
“Cool. I’ll drop you off later.” I unlocked the doors to my Tahoe.
He climbed into the passenger seat, and I backed out of my spot. “Where are we going anyway?”
“Still good with a stick?” I smirked, and pulled onto the road.
He furrowed a brow. “You mean a pool stick?”
“Sure do. When was the last time you played?”
He shook his head slightly. “It’s been a while. Probably not very good anymore.”
“Are you kidding me? We were the reigning champs back in college.” I turned onto the street that led to Stripes, a local billiards spot.
“We did kick some ass, didn’t we?”
When Chase had agreed to come out to watch my band, a tiny thrill had run through me. I wanted to spend more time with him, even though I didn’t know exactly why. It could have been because he represented a time in my life when everything was fun and exciting. Or it could have been more than that. I couldn’t deny I felt drawn toward Chase Matthewson, and it brought up questions I’d thought I’d come to terms with years ago.
* * *
Ten YearsAgo
We had just finished practicingfor our upcoming gig when Calvin, the lead singer for California Thunder, approached me.
“You okay, man? You seemed off tonight.”
I shrugged. “Lisa and I got into a fight earlier.”
“That’s not surprising. What was it about this time?”
It was no secret Lisa and I had a volatile relationship. We hadn’t been able to get along as a married couple, and things had only gotten worse in the six months since our divorce.
“Just the usual crap. Her being flaky and not picking up the boys when it’s her turn, and me always having to be the responsible parent. I don’t know what I’m going to do when my parents move to Florida next month. I can’t count on Lisa to pull her weight, which means I’ll be taking care of the boys completely on my own.”
“You’re going to be fine. You’re one of the best dads I know,” he praised. “Although you should probably take advantage of the time your parents want to spend with your kids before they leave. Go out and get laid or something.”
I laughed. “That’s not a bad idea.” We finished packing up our equipment before I said goodbye and headed home.
As I drove along the coast, I thought about what Calvin had suggested. I had gone out with a couple of women since Lisa and I separated, but nothing had gone further than a few dates, and I hadn’t had sex for months. Sometimes when I couldn’t sleep at night, I wondered why I had such a hard time finding someone I wanted to spend time with. Lisa and I had been a disaster from the beginning, and I knew what I didn’t want in a future relationship. The last time I had been with someone who I felt a real connection with had beenhim.
The memories left me wondering if maybe I was more attracted to guys than I had thought. Perhaps it wasn’t justhimI could feel a connection with. Maybe I needed to open myself up to the possibility of dating men.
When I finally arrived home, I texted my mom to check on my sons. Once I knew they were good, I grabbed my laptop and opened my internet browser. I knew people had success with online dating, but I’d never tried it. I assumed it worked the same way, whether I was looking for a woman or a man to date. I searched for gay dating sites even though I wasn’t sure if that label applied to me.
Several sites popped up, and I clicked on the first one. It was easy to navigate, and I had a profile set up before long. I selected pictures for my account that didn’t show my face. Though I wondered if that would keep people from messaging me, I wasn’t comfortable with the possibility that anyone, like a parent at the school, could come across my profile. On the other hand, if someone reached out and things progressed, I could send them a picture directly.
Knowing I’d keep refreshing the page to check for messages if I didn’t step away, I closed my laptop and told myself I’d check it in the morning. When I climbed into bed, I had a hard time falling asleep. No matter what happened with the dating site, I owed it to myself to figure out if my most exciting college experience had been a fluke or an awakening I’d chosen to ignore.
The following day, I checked the dating site as soon as I got up. Much to my surprise, I had received a handful of messages overnight. A couple of them were immediately deleted. I wasn’t ready to deal with guys who told me in explicit detail exactly what they wanted to do to me. I was about to give up on reading any more when one caught my attention.
Steven:Hi there! I wouldn’t usually message someone who didn’t post a picture with their face, but I admit, I was intrigued when you said you play in a band. I happen to play the drums. Maybe we can chat sometime.
I scrolled through his bio, which stated he was twenty-six years old, worked in finance, and loved to surf. I clicked on his profile picture and could admit he was good-looking. He had the typical Southern California vibe with his longish blond hair, blue eyes, and golden tan. The dot by his name wasn’t green, which meant he wasn’t online, but I typed out a message anyway.
Me:Hi Steven. I’d like to chat sometime, especially since we have music in common. By the way, I play guitar.
