Page 53 of Dibs
I started with college, explaining how Gage and I had bonded right away, and then telling her about the night before Gage had injured his knee. I told her how he had left without a goodbye and I never thought I’d see him again, so even though I had been confused then, I’d put him and what had happened out of my mind. But seeing him again in Arizona brought it back full force and I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I explained how Gage and I finally talked about the past and I thought we would just walk away and be the fathers of our sons’ best friends, but the kiss in his SUV stoked the embers of the fire we’d lit so long ago, and since that night, we’d been fooling around and then some.
“I don’t know, James. I never thought I would be with a man, but it just feels …” I hesitated, trying to find the words, but the only one I could come up with was, “right.”
She stared at me, not saying anything.
“What?” I prompted.
“You love him.”
My brow furrowed. “What? I don’t love him.”
“I’ve known you for sixteen years and I’ve never seen you like this.”
“Like what?” I challenged.
Jamie leaned across the countertop and reached for my hand, cupping it with hers. “Head over heels in love, Chase.”
“I was in love with you,” I reminded her.
She shook her head and stood upright. “Not like this.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“Let me ask you a question.”
“Okay.”
“If Gage were to come to you right now and tell you he just wants to be strictly friends again, would you be able to do that?”
I opened my mouth to tell her yes, but the thought of saying that word and Gage and I not being together had me hesitating.
“See? It hurts, right?”
“But it hurt when you walked away too,” I argued.
She nodded slowly. “I don’t doubt you loved me, but I was always competing with baseball. Everything is different now. You don’t have the pressure of your career hanging over you.”
“I didn’t love you any less because of baseball.”
“That’s not what I mean. What I’m trying to say is maybe I was a different chapter in your life. We have two great kids together, and if you and Gage would have been something more in college and you had never dated me, then we wouldn’t have that. But I’m also telling you that I haven’t seen you this starry-eyed since you signed with the Phillies.”
“You know comparing my love for you and my love for Gage is like comparing apples to oranges.”
She smiled. “But you love him.”
I chuckled slightly because I had said I loved him without realizing it. “Yeah, I love him.”
I let the realization sink in for a few moments before Jamie said, “Now that we have that out of the way, I need to tell you something else before you go.”
I cocked a brow. “Okay?”
“I’ve met someone.”
* * *
On the wayback to my place, I replayed the conversation with Jamie in my head. She had met a guy and was dating him. They were new, and she wasn’t ready to introduce him to the kids yet, but she felt it was coming. I was happy for her, and of course, couldn’t wait to meet him. I hope he enjoyed having her ex around because I wasn’t going anywhere and would always be there for her.
I never doubted the love I had for her one bit, but she was right; what I was feeling for Gage differed completely from anything I’d ever felt for her, but I couldn’t put the difference into words.
