Page 9 of A Wallflower's Christmas Wreath
He marveled at the knowledge that his oldest and most-missed friend was again with him. Hanging the wreath as they had done for so many years as children, albeit with the help from staff all those years ago.
"There." The wreath is up. Now we should return to our dinner and enjoy what's left of the evening, blustering as it is," he jibed, only half-meaning his words. What he would rather do was whisk her into his library and be alone. Be apart from his servants and talk as they once had, all night long if need be.
They had so much to catch up on. He had missed so much of her life, and he would not bumble the second chance she was gifting him. Heidi was a proud woman, and he knew the cost it took for her to forgive him his sins.
Heidi hugged him back, and he pulled her tighter to his side, liking the feel of her there. They had been so close once. The best of friends who shared all their dreams and plans for the future.
He hated that everything went so wrong. That they had fallen out over someone who no longer factored in their lives.
Not that he should have allowed himself to get swept away with the fancy London society and whirlwind Season. Nor what he had permitted his betrothed to say about his oldest friend.
He let her go as they started back to the dining room before he thought better of it. "Shall we return to my library for a nightcap instead of dinner? There was not a lot left in any case, and we can ask for the dessert to be brought into us there instead," he suggested.
She glanced in the direction of his private sanctuary and where he spent the majority of his time. "That sounds heavenly. I should imagine your library is much warmer too."
They moved into the library, and he smiled as Heidi made her way over to the fire, warming her gloveless hands.
"Tell me, my lord. Your engagement was so quick. Did you fall for the charms of Lady Emma so hastily that you forgot to enjoy the Season you had originally left for? I will admit that I was surprised you became engaged within the first month."
Matthew poured two glasses of brandy and handed Heidi one, coming to stand at her side. She stared at him, and a long, pent-up need started to rumble in his soul.
There had always been something about Heidi that he looked for in others as a means to value their character, and even after their quarrel and falling out, he still followed that rule. He supposed he should have listened to his inner warning bells about Emma before it became too late.
"You are right. I did exactly that, much to my shame. I wish I had not, for had I given myself more time, I may have realized she was not the woman for me."
Heidi met his eye over the rim of her glass as she sipped her brandy. "Have you decided when you shall return to town to find the woman who will suit you? You're not getting any younger, my lord, and perhaps you ought to do so soon before you're old and gray and have a terrible disposition."
Her teasing grin sent a bolt of reminiscence through him. They had missed an opportunity when he had made the grave mistake of proposing to Lady Emma. What a fool he had been then. So sure he was making the right choice when leaving for London in the first place had been a mistake. There was nothing in the city that he did not already have near home.
In truth, he ought to have courted the woman at his side, a woman he had always admired and, perhaps a tiny little bit, adored.
Who was he kidding? He had always cherished her, and it had been a daily battle to hide such emotions.
He stared at the flames, wishing he could tell her such truths. Make amends in any way that he could for his past missteps. Seek her forgiveness, but he did not. She would not want to hear it.
Not yet at least.
Five
"Ichanged, did I not?" The silence stretched between them, and he could take no more.
She glanced at him, her shoulder lifting in the smallest shrug. He thought back to the gown she had arrived in, tattered from wear and at least four Seasons out of style.
Had her life been so very hard, and he had not noticed? It was any wonder she had been so very angry at him for taking what little enjoyment she partook in at this festive time of year with him and his family and removing it.
He should have made amends for his actions years ago instead of letting her think he did not care. He did very much.
"You did, and for a long time, I thought not for the better, but tonight, with us being hitched together in this storm, maybe my opinion of you has altered a little bit."
"A little?" he queried, hoping he had changed far more than that.
She grinned up at him and reminded him of a memory he had of her, hanging upside down in the tree near the shore, breeches and shirt on, a mischievous light in her eyes.
He would do anything to go back to those days. Ensure that he never lost her friendship in the first place.
"Well, any more than that is still to be determined." A roar of wind shook the shutters, and she jumped against him. Matthew wrapped one arm around her shoulder and held her tight, liking the feel of her in his arms.
"We are safe in here. This house has stood for hundreds of years and will continue to do so long after we're gone."
