Page 16 of A Wallflower's Christmas Wreath
She snorted and raised one skeptical brow.
He sighed. "But have you never wondered why I have never returned to London? Never courted another lady? It's because of you. I want you and have known this for some time. By chance, the storm that kept you here was the perfect opportunity for me to remind you of what we once shared. What we can have together should you just trust me. Love me as you used to."
She stared at him for some minutes, and he could see she debated his words and how truthful she found them. "I did not live very far away. You could have called any time, Matthew, and made amends."
He nodded, all true and something that needed explaining. "I'm a coward and did not think you would allow me to call." He shook his head. "And then so much time passed I did not know how to broach the fissure that had grown between us."
"You hurt me a great deal when you did not defend me before Lady Emma. For a long time, I thought the boy I knew and loved had changed into a man I did not recognize. One with no honor or thought for his oldest friends. Even if those friends had fallen on hard times and may have needed a friend most at that time, you were not there."
She removed the towel from her head, laying it over a nearby chair. "I want to believe all that you're saying, Matthew. I really do, but it is hard for me. You changed so quickly before. How do I know that you're not merely being a Chameleon and saying all the things I have wanted to hear for so long merely to get your way yet again? I cannot take that risk. I'm sorry, but I do not think I can trust you." She strode to his door and left him alone.
He let her go, his mind churning as to what he should do to make her believe his words. He supposed he could tell her the real reason his betrothal to Lady Emma ended so suddenly.
That he had scolded his fiancée after she called Heidi a lansprisado and someone she would refuse to be associated with during their married life.
A threat that he had not been able to stomach.
He heard the door to her room close, and he let her go. If he knew his friend at all, Heidi needed time to mull over his words and all that they had done before she would see things clearly.
He just hoped she would see things distinctly enough by morning and agree to marry him.
The followingmorning Heidi woke to the sounds of birds chirping. Already a maid had entered her room, opened the curtains and pushed back the shutters that protected the glass from the storm the night before.
She threw off the covers and dressed quickly, pulling on her boots that sat before the fire to dry. She needed to return to her home, not only to check that she still had a roof over her head, but she could also not stay within such close reach of Matthew and throw herself at his head yet again.
She could never think clearly when he was around, and she needed to decide what she wanted to do.
His wordsmarry mefloated through her mind as she hastily made her way downstairs and out the front door. The road back to town was a slippery, muddy mess, and she walked with caution so as not to fall over her own feet. Leaf litter and branches scattered the landscape, and looking out over the ocean, she saw the waves appeared angrier and higher than usual.
Thankfully when she returned to her small cottage, all was intact, bar a branch that had broken off from a small tree at the side of the house.
She entered her humble abode and shivered as a chill settled on her skin. Matthew's house was warm; most rooms the family lived in had fires lit daily, but she did not have the luxury.
In fact, she had hardly any luxuries at all.
Marry the viscount and have many.
She walked into her kitchen, noting that her cook was not there, and nor would she be today. It was Christmas morning, and her only servant had a family of her own to celebrate the day with.
Heidi lit the hearth and placed a kettle over the fire before sitting at the table.
The previous evening she became a woman in truth after being with Matthew. A wonderful experience she would forever cherish, but did that mean she had to marry him?
Before she arrived they had been a pair of bickering neighbors, and now he wanted her as his wife. She could not fathom the difference a day made, and it caused her to be cautious.
Could she trust his words? Had he really always longed to repair what they had once shared and lost?
The front door of her cottage slammed open, and she jumped before hasty footsteps made their way through the house. Heidi didn't have time to utter a word of annoyance before Matthew entered the kitchen, a severe scowl between his brows.
"You left," he exclaimed, throwing his hands up. "I was waiting in the breakfast room and saw you striding off down the road as if the devil himself was after you. What are you doing?"
Heidi gestured to the pot over the stove. "Making myself a cup of tea," she said, unsure what else there was to say. She did not know what to do or how to feel—last night had altered her life so much that she was reeling a little from all the excitement and fear.
"Do not respond with such answers when you know I was not asking you whatexactlyyou are doing." He stared at her a moment before wrenching her from her chair, holding her still in his arms. "I am in love with you, Miss Heidi Lewis. I have loved you from the first moment we played together as children. Even when you threw sand at my face and I was chewing on grit for a week after the fact, I loved you."
Heidi bit the inside of her lip, having never thought in her wildest, most-wished-for dreams that Matthew would be saying what he was. She swallowed hard the lump in her throat, not wanting to interrupt him.
"I lied when I told you that Lady Emma broke off the engagement amicably. I broke the engagement off because she wanted you out of my life. I had failed you by not defending you, uninviting you to my ball, but refused to do as she wished. I could not continue to ostracize you merely because you had fallen on hard times and because you were not nobility. Deep down, I think Emma knew I loved you. It has always been you. Last night merely gave me the opportunity to be a man and own my feelings for you and to your face.
