Page 7 of The Notorious Lord Sin
Lord Astoridge being back in London meant one thing—that he was going to look for a wife and marry. After all the years he had lived abroad, she had been surprised that word of his marriage to some heiress and well-connected family had not reached her ears.
Seemingly he had not married at all.
But why?
When he had shunned her and broken her heart, why had he not set out and completed what his family so obviously wanted him to? But then, this year Lord Astoridge's sisters were to debut, and so maybe that was why he had returned to England. A good marriage for his lordship would assist his siblings in making a grand match.
Not that they would not. Each of them an heiress with money and a titled brother. There was little they coveted.
"How did your discussion go with Lord Astoridge? I saw you talking with him. You seemed to be conferring a great many things," the Duchess of Romney asked her.
"We spoke, but it wasn't as successful as I think he would have hoped. If I'm brutally honest, I was less than pleasant, which is no more than he deserves."
Millie raised her brows, her eyes wide. "Well, that is true, but surely you do not still harbor ill will toward him. It has been five years, and you did marry a man you respected," Millie reminded her.
All true, of course, but to her shame, she had not loved Lord Hervey. He had been a reactional marriage to the heartbreak that she had suffered from Astoridge's denial. A marriage brought on by the near panic that she had missed her courses and was sick most mornings.
Not that Lord Hervey had ever been aware, and by the grace of God, she had birthed a daughter. If she had borne a boy, she wasn't so certain she could allow him to believe his heir was of his blood. Even now, the thought made her stomach churn.
With his lordship's pleasure at marrying her, she grew to like him very much, a friendship that was strong and true. But love? No, she never loved him. Not like she had once loved Lord Astoridge.
With merely the thought of him, her body was not her own. A woman now—more astute with the ways of marriage and what is possible between a man and woman—she knew what that emotion was when it came to the man she had loved and lost.
Desire.
She had desired Astoridge, had burned for him, and yet even if she had not known what those feelings meant at the time, she now did.
Lord Hervey had loved her well, and she had enjoyed their intimate times together.
But to think what she could have had with Astoridge, knowing that adoration and passion, that kaleidoscope of feelings that would bombard her, made her skin prickle in awareness even now.
It would be an explosion of emotion.
"Lord Hervey, God rest his soul, was a good man and a wonderful father, and I shall always miss him. And I'm more than content to live out my days as a widow raising my young earl to take over his father's role and my daughter into a lovely young woman. Lord Astoridge need not waste his time with me, as I'm not looking for another husband."
"I'm sure he wasn't about to propose, Paris. He merely wanted to renew your friendship, I'm sure," Millie suggested, grinning.
Paris shrugged, wanting to ensure no one misunderstood anything. "Even so, I think it is best that no misunderstandings occur from the first reunion, such as the one we just had. I do not want him to think there is a possibility of us when there is not. I'm not certain I even like the man. There is much to think upon."
Millie nodded. "I think you have always harbored regret in what happened between you, and I will not allow you to lie to yourself or me. His being here could be a fortunate thing, Paris. You could marry him. You're rich enough now to be suitable."
And that was the rub. She did not want to be married merely because she now had money or because being so made her suitable. His equal. Lord Hervey did not marry her because of such a fickle and worthless status. He married her because he wanted to, because he cared for her, and loved her.
Lord Astoridge only loved his pocketbook.
"But is he rich enough for me? I do not think his morals are at the standard that I require to marry him. He broke my heart because I had no dowry. I'll not marry him because I now do so."
"Paris," Millie said consolingly. "I did not mean to offend. I just mean these men of influence and from grand families with titles dating back hundreds of years are brought up to think only of the family and what is best for them, how to keep the home fires burning, if you will. You must acknowledge that you are now thinking of such things with young Lord Hervey. You plan and prepare for when he comes of age so his estate is in the best shape it can be. Lord Astoridge would have been brought up the same. To marry women such as us, women from families that have very distant or no gentry relations is a gamble. You know you will think the same when it is time for Lord Hervey to marry. You will vet his bride and ensure she is suitable for him. I'm not certain we can judge Lord Astoridge too harshly for doing the same. He does have two sisters to care for."
Disappointment and annoyance thrummed through her at her friend's words. "Whose side are you on, Millie? He did not have to court me. He did not have to make me believe that I stood a chance at winning his heart, which need I remind you he did." She shook her head, biting her lip to stop the tears that always filled her eyes at the reminder of that horrible day in the Romney library. "He acted as though I was his sun and air, and then overnight, I was nothing but a passing folly. I will not forgive him, nor will I allow my son to treat any woman with such disrespect, and I hope you will not either," she said, turning on her heel and leaving. She could not listen to another word of Lord Astoridge and his poor choices that were not his own.
Theywerehis own, and now he had to face the repercussions of that decision, even if it was seeing her at every event and party and witnessing all that he lost and would not get back again.
ChapterFour
The following evening Dominic traveled to the Theatre Royal to attend an opera. It had been years since anyone had used the family box, his mother preferring to remain in the country when he was living in Paris and not attending the Season.
However, she was here this evening, having traveled up from Surrey to debut his sisters and enjoy the 1814 Season.
