Page 36 of The Notorious Lord Sin
No, she could not give him what he wanted, no matter that the more time she spent with him, the more it was something that she wanted also.
"Will you admit it to me now?" Millie asked her, passing her a glass of lemonade.
"Admit what?" she asked, taking a sip of the refreshing drink.
"That you are in love with Lord Astoridge." Her friend glanced in the direction of his lordship, who was now speaking to Lord Grose. "You know that if you continue this liaison, he will meet your children at some point."
Her friend's warning was heeded, and she inwardly cringed, having known that herself, a constant worry to debate. "I planned on hurting him. Of making him fall in love with me again, using him as I felt he used me."
"Which he did," Millie interjected, throwing her a pointed stare.
Paris sighed. "I know, but I can no longer continue with my plan. He has changed. He keeps apologizing and begging for forgiveness. He's loving, sweet, and mature, something he was not five years ago. I think he is in earnest, and I think no matter the risk, I should consider him."
Millie smiled at several ladies who walked by before taking her arm and leading her farther away from the gathered guests. "What did you plan to do?" she asked her.
"Hurt him," she admitted. "Like he hurt me, but I cannot do that now, but I also cannot ruin my daughter. If he finds out about her ..."
"It is his fault you were left to do what you had to, Paris. He is accountable for that. Whether he knew of the child or not is irrelevant. A child was always possible between two people when they're intimate and that he did not think of you but merely packed up his life and fled to France shows you how much he cared." Her friend paused, taking a breath. "Now, while I think you're right, and he's matured and changed, do not take the blame for this for one moment. He broke your heart and fled without a backward glance. He does not get to be insulted and hurt when the truth of his actions stands before him in the skin of Lady Maya."
Paris nodded, having needed to hear this truth from her friend, and she was right. No matter when or if Dominic met her children, he did not get to be insulted and angry at her. Especially when she had the right to be more so than him, she had been the one who had married another out of panic and necessity. And while that marriage had been a blessing, thankfully, it may not have been. It could have ended in disaster.
"You are right, of course, and I shall take each day as it comes. If he should so happen to meet the children, there is always a chance that he will not see himself in Maya at all. I could be worrying for nothing, and no one other than you and I know her real father."
"And that will not change unless you tell him the truth," Millie said, reaching out and taking her hand. "I shall always be there for you, Paris."
Paris smiled at her friend, glad of her support and lasting friendship. "And I you," she said and turned just as Lord Astoridge joined them.
"Your Grace, Lady Hervey," he said, pleasure in his eyes. His attention ran over her like a caress, and absently, she heard Millie excuse herself and leave them alone.
"I have missed you since last evening," he whispered, coming to stand at her side.
Heat stole down her back at the feel of his hand on her spine, one finger skating down the center of her back and making her skin prickle in awareness. "Really?" she asked.
"Yes, really," he agreed. The hunger and affection in his gaze made her heart stop and pleasure thrum through her. However was she to walk away from him? The idea of doing so became impossible to imagine, and she knew she could not.
So what to do now? Tell him the truth?
While that thought did not satisfy her, it may be their only way forward. She could not continue whatever it was that they had started and not be honest for the rest of her life.
The thought of starting that particular conversation made her blood run cold, and she debated when one told another of a child they did not know about.
How life would have been so much easier had he just stayed away.
Dominic had watched Paris and the Duchess of Romney for several minutes and could not help but think that their conversation was weighty.
Both women had appeared engrossed with their debate, and he had made his way over to Paris, certain that she was distressed.
"There is nothing wrong, is there?" he asked her. "I have not offended you in any way, I hope?" He hated the idea that she could think he was using her to slake his needs.
He was not. He was in earnest and wanted her as his wife, and he would not relent until he had proven that he loved her still. That he had never stopped.
"No, not at all," she answered, biting her lip as she watched the garden party guests mingle, talk, and laugh with each other. "But there is something that we need to discuss, and if you came to dinner tomorrow night, that would be best," she said.
"I would be honored," he answered, already looking forward to the time they would have alone. It would give him more opportunity to court her, make love to her, and convince her he was whom she loved and wanted as a husband.
Not that she had admitted such things, but he was a patient man, and there was no rush.
Except you have not been honest with her either ...
