Page 29 of The Notorious Lord Sin
"Your butler said you're not attending the Lincoln's ball this evening, and now I can see why. I thought you may be ill or something and thought to come to check on you," Millie said, slumping down on her dressing table stool.
"No, nothing of the kind. I'm quite well, as you can see. My only illness is Lord Astoridge," she admitted to her friend.
Millie raised her brow, interest shining in her brown eyes. "Really? Has there been developments I need to be enlightened of?" she asked.
"Yes," Paris sighed, picking up her wine and taking a long sip. "I was intimate with him."
Millie's eyes widened, and she merely gaped at her for several seconds without a word of reply. "What?" she stammered.
Paris sighed. "I was intimate with him again," she repeated. "I made a beast with two backs. I mixed giblets with him. Would you like for me to continue explaining?"
Millie raised her brow, nonplussed. "But you weren't going to do that at all. What happened, pray?"
She wished she could say she did not know, but she did. "He kissed me, and I was lost, transported back to the young woman who loved him so hard, too hard for her own sanity. But he seems different now. I feel he is truly trying to make amends, but I do not think I wish to marry again. He can never meet Maya. You know how much she looks like him. He would see straight through my marriage to Hervey and would not be pleased that his daughter carries another man's name."
"And what did he expect you to do? You did what any woman in our situation would do if we found ourselves abandoned, thrown aside, and pregnant. You did what you had to do, there are not many options other than ruination, and no harm was done. Maya is not the heir. Little Oliver has the title, and he is of Hervey's blood. You did nothing wrong, Paris, and while I think it is wonderful that you can forgive, do be careful. If you do not wish to marry again, being intimate with a man is a risk."
"I know, and thankfully I also know what I can do to prevent such surprises as I had five years ago, but I cannot seem to say no to him. He merely has to look at me, and I'm lost. I forget all that I promised myself and fall into his arms like a besotted fool."
"You love him still."
Millie's statement sent a bolt of fear through her. She did not love him. She could not. Not after all that happened between them. All the years she remained angry at him. Not to mention there was no future. She could never tell him the truth about their child. That was unfair to both Maya and Dominic.
There was nothing that she could change about their past. Nor could she alter who was her daughter's father. "I've been angry with him for so long, how could you think I still care for him so deeply?"
"Because you would not have been with him, allowed such liberties again if you did not. You can still be angry at Lord Astoridge and still desire him, still yearn for what you lost. Maybe that is what is closer to the truth?" Millie said, standing.
"You have given me much to think upon," she said, watching as Millie walked toward her bedroom door. "Thank you for coming to see me. I hope you have an enjoyable evening."
"I will see you tomorrow night," Millie said, slipping from her room quietly and leaving her alone. Paris sighed and slumped beneath the water. Her mind battled with what to do and think of Dominic. They had made a truce, and the passion, the undeniable need still burned between them as hot as ever, but was that enough?
So much had passed between them. So many wrongs, mostly done to her and her daughter, unknowingly as they were.
She supposed remaining his lover while they were in London could not hurt. It would help her pass the time more quickly before she returned home to the country.
But he could not be with her past that time. The secret she held could not be known or found out. She would not hurt her daughter in that way, nor Dominic.
She had to keep her distance once the Season ended. Hopefully, in time he would marry and forget about her and their past.
Paris sat up in the bath and hugged her knees, staring at the fire that warmed the room. Her situation would have been much simpler had she kept him away. Not set out to break his heart as he had hers. Now her heart was not playing by her set rules, and that was not what she had intended.
But just like when she was a foolish debutante, her heart was not listening. And look where that had placed her in the end.
Brokenhearted.
Dominic leaned back in his chair at Brooks and ran a hand over his face. This afternoon had been both wonderful and frustrating. He wanted Paris to give her heart to him again. To trust in the fact that he was no longer that immature, persuaded boy he once was.
A man now, he could make his own decisions and wanted her to be beside him when he did.
He glanced around the opulent gentleman's club, knowing his time in places such as these were limited. Soon he would be unable to show his face in such locales, not when the truth of his debt was revealed.
He inwardly cringed, hating to even think about Paris finding out that he was deficient in funds. She would think his courting of her had an ulterior motive.
It did not. She was wealthy, yes, rumor had it that Lord Hervey had bestowed upon her a sizable sum, so as to assure she would not be beholden to her children when they came of age, but that was not why he wanted her back.
He closed his eyes and debated telling her the truth of his situation. Coming clean and explaining the mistakes he had made and how that did not impact his choice to win her love.
While any rich wife would do, he knew the moment he saw her again that had she been as poor as she had been five years before, he would have still courted her.
