Page 19 of Broken Rules
I shouldn’t complain since I’m choosing to be a Red Vixen. Right? No one’s forcing me to work at Vivid, but it’s all I know, following in mommy dearest’s footsteps. Why not quit, and find something I’ll thrive in? Well, Vivid is my home. Those walls have been mine since I was seven years old. When Gin separated from Dad, she took me and nothing but the clothes on our backs, running to her hometown in Oregon. I was devastated, constantly begging her to let me go back to my cousins in San Francisco since I barely knew anyone on her side.
Dad followed, bought property to stay nearby and help support me, to try and make a relationship work with Gin, though she didn’t make it easy for him. She pushed for years to get him to leave, even serving divorce papers as the final blow. There’s only so much a person can take, so he left soon after,left me here. I went from an amazing support system to sitting alone in the corner of a dressing room meant for grown women. Julianne kept me occupied, taking me outside and away from some of the chaos, giving me moments of a ‘normal’ childhood. Whatever that means.
Closing my eyes, I tilt my head back, my face scrunching while still trying to hold in tears threatening to spill, and I inhale a long breath through my nose, thinking of Kylo’s words from our last session to ground myself. I blow it out, my skin prickling more while freeing my mind, leaving work at the door with the men who only see me as an object.
They don’t belong in my head.
“My job does not define me,” I whisper, taking another deep breath. “Only I can define me.”
I stroll to the white silks in the middle of the room, swaying my body through the soft fabric hanging from two stories before climbing to the top. The beauty of dance, there’s no right or wrong way to do it. Everyone has their style, skills, and flow. I enjoy silks nights at Vivid, the only time I look forward to performing on the main floor. It’s still erotic, but for three minutes, it’s where I feel most comfortable—empowered.
Moving through the air, I wrap around the fabric and lock into each pose, pushing my limits while the movements set me free. I close my eyes for a moment, suspending myself at the top, allowing gravity to stretch my body before I free fall and stop a few feet from the floor. Taking a few deep breaths, I unravel myself and lay on the hardwood.
Only I can define myself.
Kylo hasn’t once judged me, made me feel uncomfortable, or tried to convince me to up my wholesome heat level—sex is the last thing I want after being around explicit content all day. Our sessions are a nice refresher, resting my mind after daily reminders from customers of how much of a good little slut I am when they get me alone.
I rise from the floor and stroll to my bedroom upstairs, standing in front of the full-length mirror. There’s no doubt I have a nice physique, but there are days I hate my body, today being one of them. Hovering my palm over my stomach, I trace the lines of my abs with the tips of my fingers, the gentle touch doing nothing for me. I close my eyes, draw in a deep, shaky breath, and slowly let it all go, allowing the negative energy to pour out of me.
“I am brave, strong, capable,kind…of a bitch, but that’s okay.” I smile, tilting my head to the side, then sigh. “I am worthy.” My eyelids slowly open as I look at my reflection. “I’m doing my best…my best at pretending everything’s alright, to hide my flaws, to get through each day without adding more—”
Grabbing my throw blanket from the edge of the bed, I cover the mirror, then slip under the comforter. I suppress anything close to pleasure, fully aware of my body and self-worth, depriving myself because I don’t deserve to feel loved, which leads toanger—being a good littlefuckingslut.
I’ll always be flawed. There’s no way around that.
SIX
DON’T TAKE YOUR EYES OFF ME
I can’t stop the rapid beating of my heart as I park in the lot of Vivid Vixens, as if I’ve never been to a strip club before. Typically my days pass by quickly, but the last four felt like Friday would never come—the anticipation of bringing Sadie to work has been on my mind since she arrived. Turning off the engine, I lean back in my seat and curse under my breath because I didn’t think to change my clothes.
“Would you like to come in?” Sadie asks, and I look at her. “My shift doesn’t start until six, and I want to introduce you to security. They can put you on my pick-up list, and on nights I’m running late, you won’t have to pay the fee to get through the doors. You can wait by the bar for me.”
I nod, then look at my plain black shirt. “Will my get-up be suitable enough to enter the premises?”
She smiles and shakes her head. “If you were a customer, no, but since you’re my guest, it’s okay. Let’s go.”
Following her to the entrance, I sign a few forms with security, get a pass, then walk through a door leading into the upscale red club. I’ve been curious to see what the fuss is about, what makes this place better than the rest of the clubs around Portland. Besides the elegant decor, beautiful women are strolling around the floor with various outfits that leave nothing to the imagination, dancing on stage completely nude, entertainment I can receive down the street with a less hefty price tag attached.
As I continue to observe the room, we walk toward the bar, and Sadie stops by the end. My heart rackets my chest the momentshecomes into view.Evie.She’s leaning on the bar in a short robe, watching her phone while eating candy. I can’t help staring at her smile when she snatches the bag away from Sadie in her attempt to take one.
“Don’t be greedy.”
Evie reaches for another, and I focus on her mouth as she slowly sucks on the sugar-coated substance before using her tongue to take it entirely into her mouth. My dick takes notice of her tease, and I adjust through my jeans before moving closer, nudging Sadie’s side with my elbow.
“Are you going to introduce me to your friend?” I ask.
She raises an eyebrow at me. “Okay…” Then gestures between the both of us. “Evie, Lennox. Lennox, Evie.”
I step closer to the beauty as she grabs another sweet. “Hey.”
Biting the peach ring, Evie stretches the candy until it breaks in half, her eyes roaming down my body as she tilts her head to the side, her long braid falling over her shoulder.
“I like your eye,” she says, pointing to my left one.
My brow moves up a notch. “You like my eye?”
“Yup. Just the one.”
